My Personal Breakthrough

Moving On

2011-11-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from blogging about this particular topic right now. I started this blog for more personal reasons and I'm glad for any of you that have read and followed along and maybe even been inspired or curious in any way about my personal growth and my relationship with God.

Right now I'm just enjoying being a mom, wife and homemaker as this is where God has put me at this season of my life. I love what God is calling me to do right now. I think so many woman think that being a mom and homemaker seems so boring and unimportant, but in fact it is one of the most important things that we were put on this earth to do and it's something I take very seriously and want to do my very best at. Raising kids for God is no easy task and neither is keeping a healthy marriage together and one that is a good example to our kids, but with guidance and faith, it can be done and does not have to be scary!

God amazes me daily with how personal He can get and how our relationship continues to deepen. I'm excited to see what He has in store for me. I will continue to blog about my life here in California on my other blog if anyone wants to follow along:

http://www.ourlivesinca.blogspot.com/

LOVES!

Spiritually Hungry

2011-08-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know my last post was really short and brief but that's what having a new born, a four year old and moving to a new state will leave you time to do. We've been here a month and a half now and I'm finally starting to feel settled. I've unpacked my last box and hung my last picture. I've enrolled Toby in preschool and soccer and have somewhat got caught up on some work. In the midst of doing all of this however, one thing I have not done was spend time in God's word and find time to myself to feed the spiritual hunger that we all have. Because of that, I have found myself feeling anxious and restless at times and I've noticed I was snacking a lot more. We all know when we eat, it gives us a temporary calm that we've been longing for. Problem is is that it doesn't last and what happens instead is we end up feeling more anxious and then the pounds start to creep on and hence starts the downward spiraling that Satan loves.

During my pregnancy I still tried to just follow the Weighdown guidelines and listen to my body and what it was calling for. Yes, it was harder because there were times when I wasn't hungry and would eat anyway because something would sound really good but overall, I did pretty good and only gained 20 pounds. When I weighed myself a few weeks after giving birth I was back down to where I was when I first got pregnant. Problem is is that I know and recognize that I have started going back to my old habits of eating and snacking, especially when I'm feeling stressed or anxious. Well I'm re-committing again and I'm starting with getting back into God's word and a bible study because I know the only way to start is to try to feed my spiritual, not physical hunger.

So, yesterday Toby was at preschool and Tyce was sleeping and I decided to open my bible and get out my bible study that I had started a few months ago but never finished. Although I've been praying all along, it's the first time in a long time that I really felt like I had quiet time to really just concentrate and spend quality time talking to God. I immediately started feeling Him filling up that hunger in my soul and it felt SO great! I also went through and re-read a lot of my old posts from last year and that really helped to motivate me and it also helped me to realize how much I didn't want to be stuck in my old ways again as well. I got back on the Weighdown message boards to get re-connected with other woman for support and I started reading the Weighdown chronicles again. I also want to re-read the Rise Above book as well. It's so important to stay focused and connected and that was a huge help to me before and I know I need that now more then ever! I want to loose between 40 to 50 pounds and I know this is the only way to do it. My heart and relationship with food needs to continue to change and more important then even the weight loss, I long for an intimate relationship with God, deeper then it's ever been so if anyone is reading this, please pray for me because the road is a long one but one that will be SOOOOOO worth it in the end!

We Moved to California!

2011-07-20T08:02:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a wild past few months! I had my baby and we moved to California. Check out my new blog about our lives in Cali!

http://ourlivesinca.blogspot.com/

So far, so good! God took care of everything just like I knew He would!

FAITH & TRUST

2011-04-02T06:41:00.001-07:00

Wow! Time sure flies! I can't believe we are already to April! I am SOOOOOOOOOOO happy to have made it to Spring and to feel the weather warming up and hear birds chirping that I feel giddy inside! This winter has seemed SO long to me and I think God was really teaching me PATIENCE more then ever and to TRUST in Him more then ever. My faith has grown even deeper over the past few months as I have had to completely rely on my trust in God to even make it through.

Robb lost his job right before Christmas and did not qualify for unemployment and my job has been in limbo for months now too, where I haven't even known from week to week if I would get a paycheck. We're to April now and so far every month something has come through and we've be able to pay our bills and have plenty of food and although we've had to live on credit a little bit too, we haven't gone without anything and God has supplied all our needs through this time.

When I look back over the past five months I can really see how God has been using this time to grow me more spiritually and to change my heart and mind towards a direction in our lives that I really feel He is leading us to. Robb is leaving tomorrow to California to apply for a job and train for a position as a crane operator and I know if I hadn't been through what we have in the last few months, I would not be ready to move to Bakersfield and would be bitter and angry and fighting it, but because He has showed me and taken me through what we've been through, instead I am actually totally at peace with it and even excited about it which I'm still amazed at!

The baby will be here in less then two months and I have always been a person who has to be totally prepared and stable and we are everything but that right now, but because my trust and faith in God has grown SOOO much deeper then it was even five months ago (and I thought it was pretty deep then) I am just not scared! I know that wherever we end up, God is with us either way and is taking us there and I am just going to trust in Him and not fear and have peace which only He brings me!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Half Way

2011-01-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that I am already 20 and a half weeks along in my pregnancy! Time FLIES! I still feel like I have so much to do before my little guy gets here and although I still have a few months, I still feel like it's going too fast at times!

I went to the doctor yesterday and I was so relieved when he weighed me and I hadn't gained even a pound! The last two doc appointments I had gained weight so I was just holding my breath this time since we just got through the holidays on top of everything. I don't feel like I've been out of control or pigging out but I definitely have more of an appetite this time then I did with my last pregnancy. Anyway, total so far is only ten pounds so I'm doing good. I'm just still trying to listen to what my body is calling for and wait until I'm hungry to eat.

I love the second trimester because I've had more energy and I'm starting to feel him move more which is the best part of being pregnant. Now if I could just start tackling my to do list that would be fantastic!

January Bla's

2011-01-06T13:17:00.001-08:00

Well, we made it to January. The start of another year. A fresh start. Christmas was so awesome and Toby was cuter then ever and so much fun! It was fun having Amanda here for a few weeks, getting together with all the family and it was fun celebrating Jesus's birthday.

But now it's January. BLA!! It has always been my least favorite month of the entire year. Sure there are times when I do feel a bit relieved the holidays are behind us and we get a fresh start with a new year, but mostly it's just cold and dreary outside and there is just not a lot to look forward to in January. Then on top of it it is the month that my mom died (18 years ago today) and now my nephew Jacob too. I am not one to wallow in despair though or try to only look at the negative so I have really tried this week to stay focused on the positives and all of the many many reasons I have to be happy and grateful, and there are many! I also love to watch all the sunny movies I can get my hand on too in the months of January and February. It really does let you espcape for just a couple hours and dream of being there! A few of my favorites:

My Father the Hero
Pirates of the Carribbean
Under the Tuscan Sun
Into the Blue
After the Sunset

So here's to a very Happy New Year and a fantastic new decade!!

Christmas is Coming!!

2010-11-27T11:27:00.001-08:00

I'm really excited for Christmas this year because my sister Amanda is going to be here most of the month of December staying with us and when we were little, it was always her and I and would get the most excited together about everything and have the most fun around Christmas.

I remember after my mom died and we moved in with my Dad, me and Amanda went and got our own little Christmas tree at the lot and took it up to our room and decorated it and put our little gifts around it. It really brightened up our room and made it special up there! (See pic)

This past year has been the most spiritually awakening year of my life and we as a family have really been through a lot. When Christmas time comes around and we get to spend more time together, it makes me so grateful and happy that we have each other and so much love. Christmas this year just seems extra special and I don't want to forget the greatest gift we've ever been given and the reason we celebrate it: Jesus.

My Thankfuls

2010-11-24T10:46:00.001-08:00

Like every other year, I have SOOOOOOOO many things to be thankful for. Here are a few:

I have life growing inside of me!
My baby boy is three years old and strong and healthy and such a joy to us!
My husband. We've been through so much together and through it all have come out deeper in love.
PEACE within- I've experienced true peace this year
My large family. Where would I be without the support system that my family provides and the love that we have for each other? I think daily how lucky I am to not only come from such a big family, but one that is loving, caring and would do anything for anyone.
A warm house to live in
Our jobs
The food we have to eat
This country that I am so blessed to be born in
The relationships I've made this year in my church family
My brother Mark. I'm so thankful he's back and him and his kids are a part of our lives again
God. The peace He gives me every day. The joy that I only find in Him. Knowing that with Him I never have to worry about a thing and that He has me in the palm of His hand and loves me unconditionally.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV).

2010-11-17T06:10:00.001-08:00

I had my second doctor appointment two days ago so of course they had to weigh me. I was holding my breath because I knew I had gained some weight because of how much I had been eating. I read that you technically at this stage only need about 300 extra calories a day but I definitely had been eating more then that. Then on top of it, I have been so tired so I felt like I was laying down most days and hardly even moving! Well, sure enough, I had gained 4 pounds in one month! I thought that was too much!

The good news is that my first trimester is almost over and I'm already starting to feel less nauseous and I do feel like I'm getting a little bit of energy back as well. So the last few days I've cut back and have really just tried to go back to listening to what my body is calling for and nothing more. I also want to start getting in some more activity in my day too and I have lists of things that I want to try to get done during my second trimester before I get too big. I'm going to start eating smaller amounts again because I noticed just in the last few weeks I had started eating way bigger amounts then I needed for sure. I'm way excited though because I got to hear the heart beat again and everything is right on schedule! I get to find out what the sex is 3 weeks from today and I can't WAIT!!

My Pregnancy Challenge

2010-11-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

I am ten weeks along right now so in two more weeks I will be ending my first trimester. I have really been trying hard most days to still listen to my body and wait until I'm hungry but it has been really hard to let my stomach empty completely out because the second I even start to feel slightly hungry, I also start getting really nauseated and super weak. If I stay a little ahead of the game and eat something small and light before I start getting hungry then I don't get that way. I don't want to gain a bunch of weight this pregnancy and I don't think my body needs to since I'm already about 30 pounds overweight so I really want to keep things in check and listen to what my body needs.

It wasn't this way with my first pregnancy at all and I never even got sick so it's definitely different this time. All the books are saying that usually after the first trimester the sickness goes away so I'm really hoping for that so that I can go back to just waiting for true hunger. I know if I just listen to what my body needs throughout this pregnancy and continue to eat small amounts I shouldn't have to worry about gaining a lot of weight. That is my challenge right now. I will still apply everything I've learned through Weighdown while pregnant and the great thing is is because it's not a diet of any sort, I still can.

The Miracle of Life

2010-10-21T06:19:00.001-07:00

I had my first doctor's appointment on Monday. I am just over 8 weeks but because I had a miscarriage back in March, he wanted me to get an ultrasound right away just to see it and make sure everything looked good. So yesterday me, Robb and Toby went and saw our little peanut on the screen. "It's" little heart was beating and you could see the little stubs starting to form already where it's little arms are. I just can't even believe how in love I can already be with it when we haven't even met yet but seeing it in there, heart beating and all, makes my heart melt! I still can't believe I get to assist God in this miracle of life! I feel so blessed and lucky to be a women and get to experience this!

I was Blind but now I SEE!

2010-09-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've blogged but I have good reasons! First off, I weighed myself the week before last and was down one more pound. That's make a total of 15 which still is an average of about a pound a week. I didn't weigh last week or this week because I've been so sidetracked with my good news:

Baby #2 is on the way!!

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited because we really wanted to get pregnant and once again I am blown away by how good God is to me!

When I had a miscarriage back in March I wasn't surprised at all. It's weird but when I found out I was pregnant then, I knew something wasn't right. I kept taking pregnancy tests and they kept coming out positive so finally after a few weeks I started to accept that maybe I was. Then I miscarried. At the time although I was a little bit sad, I wasn't worried because I knew that God's timing was perfect and that there must be a reason.

Now, looking back over the past few months, the reason was this; I had a LOT of spiritual growing and learning to do and a lot of past hurts in my marriage that I needed to face and let go of before we were ready to grow our family. God knew that.

What He revealed to me over the past few months just since then has blown my mind! I feel our marriage had a turning point that it has needed for a while and I feel closer to my husband now then I ever have. God has revealed SO much to me about Him, my relationships, and myself and I don't think I've ever in my life had such a spiritual awakening as I have the past few months. It's been hard at times but God brought me through it and I can see why every single thing He was showing me needed to be dealt with and re-surfaced. He wanted to be invited into those parts of my heart that needed healing and when I let Him in, HE HEALED THEM!! I feel like "I was blind and now I see!" WOW!! God is SO amazing when we can trust Him with ALL areas of our lives!

So last month I prayed to God and told Him that I felt like I was ready now to get pregnant but I trust His perfect timing and not my own. I told him how I felt, but left it up to His will. Well lo and behold, I conceived less then a week after I prayed that prayer! When I trust God with all areas of my life, I am free!! He is so awesome and continues to amaze me every day!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

2010-09-07T14:43:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend and worked through a lot of what I was feeling and why and I actually feel really great today! I'm excited to be back on track and I really feel like God is taking care of everything, including me. Just like I thought, I'm coming out of it stronger and closer to Him then I was before! It's amazing to me how that happens!

I'm SO excited for fall and the beautiful days ahead and I decided I'm going to start decorating early this year so I can enjoy it longer. The colors have already started changing here on the mountains anyway, so why not? I remember my mom used to say every fall that it looks like God just took a big paint brush and painted our world with warm colors for us to enjoy!

I just read this quote today and really related:

"There is just something about knowing that my failures, hardships, mistakes, losses and pain have meaning. For me, that understanding eases some of the agony of life and encourages me to keep on keeping on."

Frustrated

2010-09-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

My heart has felt heavy lately and I'm going through some personal things and have not felt much like blogging. I weighed on Friday and I had lost almost 1 pound since last week but I still am struggling a lot. I haven't been binging or eating a lot but I know I can wait longer to eat and I know I can eat less when I do. I've been turning to food with my insecurities and find myself snacking unnecessarily and it's been frustrating! I know that I need to be turning to God. I try, and I've been praying, but I feel drained and sad for some reason and I feel like God is testing me right now and I'm failing miserably which only makes me more sad and frustrated! I just feel sad and my heart feels heavy right now but I just keep giving it back to God and that's all I can do. I heard the other day that a lot of times before something awesome happens, we will experience more pain or trials so I'm holding onto that right now knowing that whatever is going on with me, God will use it for good or to draw me closer to Him in the long run.

I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45:5-6

Re-Committed

2010-08-29T07:00:00.001-07:00

I weighed last week and I had not lost a single pound. It's been almost a month and the scale hasn't gone down at all. Luckily it hasn't gone up either but there is no reason it wouldn't have gone down if I would have been keeping my focus where it needed to be and following some of the basic rules of Weighdown.

I was getting frustrated because I started to feel like food was having a pull on me again and that I was turning to it more and more. Then every time I would hit my "re-start" button to try to start fresh it wouldn't last, which was making me more frustrated and the more frustrated I was getting, the less I was focused and following the basics!

This past month has been really emotional for me and a lot of things from my past have been re-surfacing because I asked God to heal my heart completely and make it whole again. Well in order for Him to do that, He has had to stir things up a bit and bring things to the surface so that I could invite Him into those deep areas in my heart that needed healing. Through this entire process I have learned how much I still run to food for comfort or when I'm feeling anxious. I should be turning to God completely for that. Here I was bragging because I literally felt like I had just about made it to the "Promised Land" with my eating habits and I really didn't think food had any pull on me anymore, but then the second things got stirred up a bit, where did I turn? To my first love and idol; food. I am ashamed at that. God has showed me from this past month that no matter what I am feeling, and especially when I'm feeling emotional, that is when He wants me to turn to Him the most and lean on Him and trust Him to comfort me and sooth my fears and insecurities.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Notice how the bible says to trust in the Lord with ALL our hearts and to acknowledge Him in ALL our ways?! Well I definitely was not doing that and when things got a little murky, I ran instead to what I knew would bring me temporary comfort- food.

The problem with running to food is the comfort it gives doesn't even last past the first bite before the guilt sets in. When I run to God, not only does it last more then a moment, it lasts a lifetime. It even goes beyond my lifetime because I will also be setting an example for Toby that will last his lifetime as well. God does not need anything from us but asks only that we obey Him and love Him and put Him first above all else!

The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity-in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground.
Deuteronomy 28:11, 13-14

So do I want to run to my old love of food and continue to be miserable and get nothing back in return, or do I want to run to God for everything and have Him pour out His never ending love and blessings on me for eternity?! It seems so simple, yet the problem is that Satan is constantly on the attack and looking for ways to destroy it and get me to turn away from God. That is why I need to remember to put on the full armour of God DAILY and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around me!

So today I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for turning to food and I have re-committed to start fresh and go back to the basics that I learned in the beginning and the things that were really helping me from the start:

NO GROWL- NO CHEWING
SMALL SMALL SMALL AMOUNTS
When I am feeling anxious and find myself reaching for food I will grab my bible instead and "chew" on it.
PRAY PRAY PRAY for the strength that I need every moment to resist Satan's temptations and plans to hold me back and distract me!
Sart the listening to the Breakthrough cd's again to be reminded of the basics and to help keep me focused.
Continue to weigh once a week on Thursdays and continue my blog.
Get back on the Weighdown website chat rooms and stay in contact with the women that are also with me in the "desert".
Read the Weighdown Chronicles every day for inspiration.
Read the Rise Above book again. (That really helped to keep me focused)
Read at least one success story a day from the Weighdown website

I feel excited and focused and ready to let God lead me again!

Fine Tuning

2010-08-14T07:21:00.001-07:00

Well I'm not going to lie. The last two weeks I've really been struggling again with eating and it's been frustrating!! I had been doing really well and really felt like that desire to eat when I wasn't hungry was gone but the last two weeks I've been having to pray for strength more then ever for some reason and I didn't even weigh on Thursday because I was afraid to. I don't feel like I've gained any weight but I definitely don't feel like I've lost any either. I haven't been binging or anything like that but I just felt like I've been eating more at mealtimes and sometimes I don't always wait until I'm totally hungry, just barely hungry and it's been frustrating! I think it's just a big reminder though that I am not in control and that I need God every moment of every day and that when I start to loose focus I will start going backwards again and that is NOT where I ever want to go. I am going to weigh this Thursday again to see where I am to and I am really just trying to stay focused "up" right now and stay in God's will and boundaries. I have been reading from the Weighdown Chronicles every day and the one I just read really hit home with me right now. Here is only part of what it said but it hit the nail on the head for me:

In the beginning of our love relationship with God, we often don’t realize just how much He expects of us. At first He asks little, but as we grow and mature, we face more choices about just how much of ourselves we are willing to give to Him. Just as a parent has to re-direct and discipline a child for his own good, God must do the same with us. We simply can’t have everything we think we want! The world will continue to distract us and beg for our attention, but God remains constant in that only HE can provide us with everything we need.

SO true so I'm staying tuned in to what else He is trying to teach me because I know He is going to keep fine tuning me until I am completely His and His alone with no other stronghold or idols!

Happy THIRD Birthday Toby!!

2010-07-31T07:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my baby boy turned THREE and I am in disbelief that it's already been three years since he came into this world! It's funny because I remember when I was only about three weeks from my due date with him we went to Lake Powell with my brother and sister and their spouses. I remember the last morning as we were leaving and driving over the dam to head home I got this overwhelming feeling of emotions come over me because I knew it was the last trip that me and Robb were ever going to take together before becoming parents. I was so nervous about how our lives would change and how it would never be just about us anymore and I just burst into tears that I couldn't stop! Robb was a little surprised (as most husbands are when their wives just burst into tears out-of-the-blue) and after telling him what I was feeling and why I was crying he smiled sympathetically and I will never forget what he said because he hit the nail on the head. He told me that having a child is going to bring about an entire new set of adventures and that even though our old life and what we were used to would no longer exist, we had an entire new adventure ahead of us to look forward to.

Well our lives have changed tremendously from the couple who had been married ten years with no kids but I cannot even imagine what that life used to be like without Toby in it! Although it's hard at times and there are times I truly don't understand what is going on, it has been one of the greatest adventures of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world! God blessed us with Toby and along with that it's brought us such life and joy and laughter! I feel like I'm constantly learning but the most amazing thing to me of all is how God has been using Toby to teach me about His love for us! I can't count how many times as a mother I take situations that I'm learning with Toby and think, WOW, that's how God must feel about His children! It happens all the time! From frustration to pure joy, God is using Toby to draw me closer to Him. Because I love Toby, I discipline him. Because I love Toby, I challenge him. Because I love Toby I teach him, take care of him, do what I KNOW is best for him. He doesn't always understand why I'm doing what I'm doing or agree with it, but I know that it's what is best for him and I do it out of love. God does the same. We may not always understand why or what we are going through, but God does and there is always purpose for it and if we trust HIM and have faith, He will use it for our good! I have such an unconditional love in my heart for Toby and it's so completely overwhelming at times and when I think that God loves me more then I even love Toby I don't even know how that is possible, yet I know it's true! God is taking me on an adventure as well and although my old life as I knew it before is gone, it's a far better life then I ever imagined! Although it's hard at times and I don't always understand what He has planned or why, I know without doubt that He loves me and has my best interest at Heart and what a peace that gives me!

So Happy Birthday to my baby boy Toby that God has blessed me and changed my life with and thank you God for the constant adventures that you are taking me on as well! "My cup runneth over!"

Weighed in today and I've lost another two pounds since last week!

2010-07-23T06:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, have I mentioned how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE summertime? Well, I do! This month of July is flying by but it has been SOOOOOOOOOOO much fun! Between the 4th, boating, swimming, Powell and all of the July birthday's we've had, it has been such a crazy month.

We went to Lake Powell last weekend (see pic) and it was SO beautiful and serene! I love going because it's a trip that is total relaxation through and through and I come back feeling so rested and renewed. This time was no different. When I was there I just kept thinking about how beautiful God's creations are and on the last night on the lake when we were headed back on the boat the sky was so gorgeous and I couldn't stop looking at it. One of the clouds literally looked like a giant dove in the sky with it's wings open flying into heaven and then the rays of sunlight were streaming through. I just felt that God painted that sky just for me (He is a romancer you know) and it just made me smile.

I waited until yesterday to weigh again and when I did I was happy because the scale is continuing to go down! I was down another pound! That makes 11 pounds total to date. I can't wait until I hit the 20 pound mark!

I'm reading another book right now called "Women, Food and God". It's funny because I bought the book a while ago and forgot I had it and then Oprah had it on her show as a recommended read so I pulled it out. We all know that if she read it then it must be golden right ;)... It's been really interesting to read because it teaches a lot of the same things that Weighdown does as far as eating between hunger and fullness and that when you eat past that it's emotional eating but she definitely has some different views on how to fill that void then just filling up with God. I'm not quite done with it yet but it has been interesting to read knowing what I already believe and have been practicing. I'm really just trying to stay focused "UP" right now more then ever because I want to continue to loose weight and stay out of myself and I know that the only way to do that is by fillng up with God instead of this world and it's not always easy to do when you have so much going on but I've realized quickly over the last few months that that is my lifeline, not the things of this world...

It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' Matthew 4:4

Freedom!!!

2010-07-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

This weekend is the 4th of July, a day in which Americans celebrate our independence and our freedom and liberty. I LOVE the 4th of July and I LOVE this great country that we are so blessed to live in and celebrate this time of year! Patriotism has always run very deep in our family and courses through our blood! I LOVE what freedom represents and I love that it is God that gave us that freedom and that freedom is preached all throughout the Bible:

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corn. 3:17

In him [Christ] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Eph. 3:12

The freedom and patriotism that I feel for my beloved country is overwhelming in my heart but it doesn't even hold a candle to the freedom that I feel and received from the Holy Spirit in my heart! This 4th of July I will be celebrating not only the freedom from this country but I feel more blessed then ever that God has freed me from the slavery of overeating and SOOOO many other strongholds of this world and has brought me out of the land of "Egypt" and is taking me to the promised land!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5

I have hit the 10 pound mark as of yesterday and I was SO excited to hit my first big milestone that I was seeing fireworks go off a few days early!!

Weigh In Day

2010-06-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

Today was my weigh in day and I lost another pound since last Thursday! That makes a total of 8.5 down. When I get to 10 pounds I am really going to celebrate (not by eating anything) but by doing something fun in the sun. I hope that's by next week. It's been so nice not having to stress at all about it. It feels really good to see the scale continuing to go down each week but that is not my focus. I'm also excited because I'm starting a new bible study tomorrow morning called "Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy" and I'm really looking forward to getting into it. God is becoming more personal to me but it's a work in process and I'm continuing to learn every day what it means to be spiritually intimate with Him so this study will be exciting.

His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. Ephesians 4:30 MSG

The Light of the World

2010-06-17T10:45:00.000-07:00

I just LOVE summertime! This year because we had such a long, cold winter and it didn't even feel like we even had a Spring, I appreciate it even more then I usually do too. There is so much to do and enjoy in the summer. It's a time to relax and just enjoy the beauty that is all around us. Whenever I am outside and I feel the sun shining down on me, I can't help but get an overwhelming warm feeling in my soul as well because it just reminds me that God is the light of the world and that He has filled my soul with His sunshine as well!

We went up to the canyon yesterday and it was SO lush and green and B-E-A-utiful and I just felt at such awe once again that God loves us so much and is such a beautiful artist that He would create such an amazing world for us to live in and enjoy! What overwhelms me even more then that is to think that God himself is more beautiful then any thing we have ever laid our eyes on on this earth and that the place He has prepared for us is FAR more beautiful then we could even imagine! I don't understand how anyone can look at some of the wonderful, amazing things in this world and not be totally blown away by the Creator of it! Boggles my mind...

So today was my weigh in day and the scale is continuing to go down! I'm only down a half a pound but that is just since last Friday so that is awesome! I'm excited about the direction the scale is going but I'm mostly excited about the direction my heart is going!

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it give light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise you Father in Heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

God just wants our HEARTS to be clean

2010-06-12T06:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't done a weigh in for about two weeks because I wanted to really focus on my relationship with God and not be deterred at all by what the scale said. I will now go back to weighing in every Thursday so I can keep track now that I have my head straight and know that it's not going to deter me anymore.

So this morning I weighed and I had lost another two pounds bringing my total weight loss to 7 pounds! Now you might not think that 7 pounds is that much weight loss for two months of doing this but for me that is HUGE because I had not seen the scale even budge a half a pound for SOOOOOOOOOOO long (up or down) and really, really felt like I was stuck in a rut with my weight! But what has been the most amazing thing to me about the past two months is how much my eyes have been opened and how much my heart has been filled! I am FREE FREE FREE from ever having to even think about dieting, exercising, starving or roller-coasting EVER AGAIN!!! My heart has changed towards the food and God has FREED me from the DESIRE that I used to have to over eat! I used to run to food when I felt anxious or when I was bored and now I don't! Not only do I not run to it, I don't have the desire to!! I have never felt this way in my entire life! Sure my heart toward food had started changing the first time I did Weighdown years ago but because I never fully understood the number ONE most important thing that it teaches, it never changed completely. I can't believe how so very obvious everything is to me this time and I still wonder how I missed it all before. I was just trying to change my portions and listen to hunger and fullness before but I never worked on changing my HEART toward the food and that is why it didn't work. Then this verse that I had heard a thousand times hit me so hard and completely turned everything around for me which in turn, changed my heart:

Seek FIRST his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well. Matthew 6:33

When I quit worrying about the scale and stayed focused on what God was trying to teach me and show me, everything just started falling into place and the scale is going down! I have NO DOUBT at all in my mind that it's going to keep going down too until I'm to the healthy weight that God intends me to be at. I don't even question or worry or stress about it anymore because I am that confident in God and how He is changing my heart! I don't have to follow man made rules anymore!! I'm SO excited with this new found relationship with God! It's growing into a relationship that I have longed for and prayed for!

I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

He has brought me out of the slavery of Egypt and is taking me to the promised land and I stand in total awe and wonderment of Him!

The following is an excerpt from the book Rise Above by Gwen Shamblin that I just finished reading. It was an amazing book and SO insightful:

We have spent all of our energy on cleaning up the wrong things. Jesus said not to take the splinter out of someone else’s eye when we have a log in our own. We must first take the log out of our own eye; then we can see clearly to remove the speck out of someone else’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). We are scared of “unclean” things on this earth, but what SHOULD scare us are the unclean things that God reveals about our own hearts! The heart is what is greedy. The alcohol is not evil-God created it. The money is not evil. The food is not evil. Sex is not evil. Tobacco is not evil. It is the worship of these things that is evil. Worship is focus and adoration. We worship these things. It is what you are drooling over in your heart that should bring you to your knees…because you can get the alcohol out of the house or the fat grams out of the house, but you cannot run from your own heart and mind. And your heart and mind will face the Judgment Day. You must change and pray-pray hard-for a cleansing from the Father through Jesus Christ.

On behalf of people living in the last few decades, let’s concede that we have never been told that we have a heart problem. I have a master’s degree in foods and nutrition, and yet I never studied the greed in the heart of mankind. We only dissected the content of the foods and labeled each ingredient as clean or unclean. And again, my experience has been that most churches have bought into the man-made clean and unclean rules. Everyone - even in church - confidently and self-righteously preached that broccoli was righteous, and that brownies and ice cream were sinful. But now we know the truth. The food is clean-God just wants our HEARTS to be clean.

2010-06-11T12:57:00.000-07:00

DUN DUN DUN...I will weigh in tomorrow morning: Update to come. LOL

"Hungry"- by Kutless

2010-06-03T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering ALL of me
Jesus You're all
this heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my Life

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling
I'm falling for You

Jesus You're all
This heart is living for
I'm living for you

I Love love love the words to this song!!

And the scale is going DOWN!!

2010-05-30T06:38:00.000-07:00

Where to even start?! The past ten days or so have been SO crazy, yet awesome, yet crazy, yet amazing! I feel like an addict who finally admitted and truly believed for the first time in my heart of hearts that I do have a problem with making food an idol in my life and that was the first step to truly starting the "healing and recovering" process. I know it sounds weird but although I thought I admitted it and had a problem, I found that I didn't really truly believe I did and it was stopping me from embracing the entire teachings of the Weighdown program completely. I kept going back and forth in my mind and justifying my overeating and love of food and trying to convince myself that that wasn't the problem and that my heart has changed quite a bit over the past few years so there was no way I still put food on a pedestal of any sort! Well because I wouldn't truly admit to myself that that WAS indeed the problem, God had to make it VERY clear to me and convict me of it so that there was NO question in my mind whatsoever as to whether or not this was the case. That is exactly what He did last week. I just completely got honest with God and once again, poured out my heart to Him on exactly why I was feeling and thinking the way I was. I no sooner got done praying to Him and I heard a voice in my head clearly that said to get my Bible. I did and I let it fall open and it opened right to the section about idols and the disasters that will occur as a result of following them. I felt so confirmed by everything I read that night but then again the next day I felt like I was thrown right back into confusion and doubt all over again. By that night my head was pounding and I was feeling SO frustrated! I again prayed to God and got out my bible and again let it fall open. This time it fell open to a completely different book in the bible then the night before but again it was all about the story of Moses and the Exodus. I thought, "that's weird...let's see if it happens again." I then opened it up to a completely different section and the exact page it fell on AGAIN was the story of the Exodus in a different book. I then had the audacity to still say to God, "okay, I will know without a doubt if I close my eyes and shuffle through my bible and it falls one more time on this story somehow, that this is really what your Will for me is". Well, let me just tell you, I am in the dessert for SURE and it's God's Will for my life right now. It fell open a FOURTH time to a different book in the bible but all about the Exodus and idol worship! I am just AMAZED at times how much God is really listening and it trying to get US to listen and TRUST Him! Furthermore I'm amazed how much HE really cares about speaking to little 'old me.

So that night I finally accepted and admitted and repented from the bottom of my heart for the first time for making food an idol and putting it before God and I went to bed and slept SO peacefully. Then the next morning I woke up and did my bible study and prayed and I asked God to please speak words of comfort to me this time through His word since the last FOUR times I let it fall open it was all about His wrath if I continued to follow my idol. I just felt like I needed to hear words of compassion and be reminded that He still loves me. It's funny but I literally felt like a child who had been scolded and then needed reassurance from their daddy that they were still loved. So I went and grabbed my bible and again flipped through it letting it stop wherever it landed just knowing that God would stop it on what He wanted me to read. Well once again I was blown away on the page it stopped on and here it is:

I will hear their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with Idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me. Hosea 12:9

I was so filled with love and awe for God that He is SO personal especially when we need Him to be and that day was amazing to me. That day was the first day that I was SO obedient in everything I ate and I really just tried to listen for His lead and guidance. Then the next morning I decided to weigh in. When I stepped on the scale it had gone UP on pound. My first reaction was anger and I felt like I wanted to "throw in the towel" and give up. Then I pictured Satan smiling and having his way and instead I gave it all back to God and prayed about it and went on to forget it and just trust in Him. Then the next morning I woke up and was not even planning to weigh at all. I was brushing my teeth and I literally heard a voice in my head tell me to step on the scale. I was like, "no way! I just did yesterday and was up a pound." thinking I must be hearing things. I got done brushing my teeth and heard it again really clearly this time saying again Step on the scale. So I did and I literally did a double-take because it was now down TWO pounds from the day before, which means I had lost another pound! I got off and back on to make sure that I wasn't seeing things and it was the same!! I was SO happy to see that extra pound gone because the scale hadn't budged at all for about three weeks!! So to sum up this ridiculously long post I just need to end with this verse because it popped in my head right when I got off the scale that morning:

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

The Pearl Necklace

2010-05-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

A cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess-- the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
" Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And, when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of beautiful genuine pearls. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
Question- what imitations are we holding onto that stops us from receiving God's genuine treasures?
Author Unknown

A women from the Weighdown message boards shared this story with everyone and I had to post it because it really hit home with me. I know God is just wanting me to "let go" and give up total control to Him because He has something so much better in store for me. I just have to trust Him and let go of my own dollar store pearls that I've been hanging onto so tightly and allow Him to replace them with beautiful, real ones.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:34

Putting on the Armor of God

2010-05-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game." And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance. Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten pounds. And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?" And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

Okay, I had to post that little story that I read. I thought it was funny, yet SO true in what we're trying to learn here. Good things come from God yet Satan is always there trying to tempt us and use it against us and turn it into evil because he wants to destroy us, our marriages and families and ultimately our lives. That is why we need to put on our Godly armor everyday and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around us.

Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils' schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-12

Rumbly in my Tumbly

2010-05-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, Pooh Bear is going to be my reminder this week to wait until a GROWL or as he would say "Rumbly in my Tumbly" until I eat anything! I've found that a lot of times when I eat I am feeling hungry but I know I could wait longer and I don't always wait until my stomach is growling before I eat and although I'm eating less I'm not letting my stomach completely empty out before I eat again. That is so important to see weight loss. So my theme song/reminder this week is good 'ol Pooh Bear: "I'm so rumbly in my tumbly time for something sweet!"

Jesus loves me this I know...

2010-05-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

So Thursday was my weigh in day and I prayed about it before I did it because I didn't want the outcome of whether or not I had lost any weight to in any way affect the path that I'm on. I weighed and I had lost almost 1/2 pound (my scale is digital). My first reaction was, "okay, well at least it something" considering I had not had a great week but I'm not going to lie, I was a bit disappointed at first. The good news is is that the disappointment didn't last. The more I started thinking about this past four weeks I got more and more excited about what I've been through and how much I have accomplished emotionally, physically and most importantly-spiritually! Here is a summary of things I am SO happy about from this past month:

1) I've lost just about 5 pounds!!! That's something I had not done after four straight months of jogging almost every single day faithfully. That is also without dieting of any form. I did not count a calorie, look at a label, take a diet pill or stress about trying to squeeze a workout in my day somewhere. I was freed from even thinking about any of that!

2) I am eating A LOT less food every day and thus I feel like I have more energy because of it and I can tell my stomach has shrunk as well because I've been cutting most of my portions almost in half. I've also noticed that when I first started doing this I would eat and still feel hungry and it was really hard not to eat more. Now I've noticed that most of the time not only is it enough, the old portions that I used to eat are starting to seem like WAY to much food now! That is awesome to me!! A breakthrough for sure!

3) Above anything else that has happened this past month I am most excited about what God has shown me. During this time of emotional vulnerability God has used it to draw me closer to Him! A few years ago I read my bible from cover to cover but I hardly took anything out of it. I've often thought that I would open it up more if I thought there was something specific God was trying to show me but every time I did nothing really spoke to me. Well let me tell you my friends, God has changed all of that. I feel like every time I open it up verses are jumping off the pages at me and I feel like God is speaking to me personally through it! Like I've said in my previous post, He is also speaking to me through music and people and prayers and all in all I feel SO overwhelmed with His love for me right now! He is taking all of the time that I used to use thinking about food and working out and dieting and He is filling it up with HIM, His love and His truths and I've said it before but I will say it again; "My cup runneth over!!!" That's how I feel right now after I sum up this first month! I'm a work in process and I can't wait to see what He has to show me this next month! I LOVE you Jesus! THANKS for everything!!! :)

...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37: 3-6

He demands all of us

2010-05-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

Whew! Where do I even start?! This past week has been a very emotional one for me and looking back on the last few days I can now see exactly why I went through the emotions I did and how God has used that already to draw closer to Him!

I have been getting on the Weighdown message boards every day and connecting with the women there and that has been amazing to me. To talk with other women who are going through exactly what I am and to be able to vent and get feedback and encouragement has been exactly what I needed. Last weekend when I prayed to God and told him that I just didn't feel connected anywhere and really felt like I needed to be, he immediately answered my prayers by taking me there. I also got an invite from a women from my church to join a women's bible study. I knew that too came straight from God. Yesterday was the first day I was going to it and I almost let Satan have his way by not going but I just felt such a push to go so I got up, jumped in the shower and got ready in record time. I was glad I made it too because the study they're doing is called He Speaks to Me and everything it is teaching is right in line with what Weighdown is also teaching. Here is a paragraph from this weeks lesson:

To move into the calling the Lord has for us, we must willingly leave some things behind. God will not share our time and attention with other gods. Anything or anybody that receives more of my worship than God does is an idol, including tv, books the internet or even a relationship. Even necessary and good things like food and sleep can become idols if they become more important than God. God will not share us with anything or anyone that takes our eyes off of Him. He demands all of us.

So was it a coincidence that I made it there? I think not! I am SO excited to add this bible study to what I'm already studying. Furthermore, I'm looking forward to also make some connections with the women there as well, which I know God wants me to do. God has been desperately trying to just get me to BE STILL so He can tell me and show me what He has planned for me! Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I'm trying not to worry about it. That's hard to do, but I don't want that to be my focus at all. Here are a couple of verses that really spoke to me the last few days:

Be still, and know that I am God...Psalm 47:10

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Psalm 34:17

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires...For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:12,14

Tips to Remember

2010-05-08T08:35:00.000-07:00

1) When I am not hungry and want to eat anyway, run to God! Open His word. How exciting to think that this will allow me to draw closer to the Lord!

2) Wait ALL THE WAY TO A GROWL. When we don't wait for hunger we don't burn off all the food or ANY excess weight and can possibly gain weight. If I wait to a GROWL I can be burning excess weight each time!!

So then, let us not be like others who are asleep but let us be alert and self-controlled. 1Thessalonians 5:6

Divine Pruning

2010-05-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

This past week has been very emotionally draining for me but also AMAZING! There have been some hurts from may past that have been re-surfacing for some reason and I finally just got really honest with God and poured my heart out to Him. The first day I prayed I was almost angry. Not at God, at the situation. He immediately started answering my prayers the very next day. It's a long story and kind of personal but let's just say, this past week He not only answered two specific prayers but He also showed me over and over how much He loves me. He spoke directly to me through people, songs and Bible verses this past week and I have never felt so vulnerable yet so loved all at the same time!

I didn't loose any weight this past week and yesterday I was down a bit from it but when I got honest with myself I only had myself to blame for that. I let some of the basic rules of Weighdown slip and wasn't as focused as I was the first two weeks. My hormones have been going crazy since my miscarriage and trying to get back to "normal" and let's just say, it hasn't always been fun.

I was in my car running some errands yesterday and I put in the audio and listened again and that was encouraging. I also got into my Breakthrough book and answered a lot of the questions in the lesson too. That also helped me to re-focus. I'm so excited too because I also got connected with a group of women on a message board on the Weighdown website and it was just what I was looking for. It's so encouraging to read what they are going through and their encouragements and be able to relate and have someone hold me accountable. I'm SO excited to have connected with them! So all in all, things are GREAT! God never ceases to amaze me! I am a work in process and He is doing some "Divine Pruning" on me right now and although it can be really emotionally hard at times, I know that I need to yield to it because it is for my own good and is because He love me!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me" John 15:1-2, 4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

Head Hunger Prayer

2010-05-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

This is from a Weighdown Class. I'm posting it because I want to remember it:

When you feel an urge to eat and you are not hungry, it is hunger for God! Go to His Word! Do not hang out near food. Do not long for the food. Do not look for the food.

Pray, “God, clean up my mind.” Pray, “God, in the name of Jesus Christ, take away this nagging head hunger, this longing, and turn that back into a longing to be inside Your will and to have Your approval. Amen."

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:5

Two Weeks and 4.5 lbs Down!!

2010-04-29T06:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight is Week 3 of my class and so of course this morning was my weigh in day. I was not as excited to do it because I had not been as good as I should have been this past week. Don't get me wrong, I still ate A LOT less, but there were a few days when I felt like I definitely could have done better. It's funny too because I also was in my car a lot less and so I didn't listen to the cd's like I had the previous week as much either. I did read the Weighdown Chronicles everyday and watched some YouTube videos to try to keep my inspired but I think the audio cd's really make a big difference for sure to help to keep me focused. I know I need to get into my Breakthrough book and journal more this week as well because I noticed the days I did and read the Bible verses it also really helped.

So I weighed this morning and I had lost another 1.5 pounds!! To see the scale going DOWN is such a good feeling!! I'm a work in process and I'm hoping this coming week I can really start to fine tune everything. I know I need to get into my journal and book more and I know I need to pray more. I sometimes feel like I want to disappear for an entire day by myself somewhere so I can just be alone! I know most women (especially moms) feel that way but lately I've been feeling it more and more! I LOVE being with my baby boy and am so blessed to be able to work from home so I can be, but I feel like it's so hard to have alone time! When he finally goes down for his nap I'm usually trying to get caught up on work and then before I know it he's back up. I just want time totally to myself to get into everything and really be able to pray for everyone and everything so this week I'm really going to try to figure out the absolute best time for me so that I can focus each day for at least an hour.

Here is one of the bible verses from my book this week that really stood out:

Romans 8:5-8
Those who live according to sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Yikes! I do NOT want to be controlled by the sinful nature because it would terrify me to not be pleasing to God. I want to continue to learn and grow closer to Him every day and to try to please Him in everything I do!

THE SCALE MOVED!!!

2010-04-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

I feel like skipping and doing cartwheels this morning! Today was the day I decided I would weigh since I have my online class tonight and when I stepped on the scale holding my breath and feeling REALLY nervous, it all went away when it showed I had lost THREE pounds in less then a week!!! I cannot even put into words how excited I am! When I first started this blog last September and was focused on jogging and figuring out ways to boost my metabolism and all of the wrong things and I ended up SO frustrated! After about three months of jogging 6 days a week faithfully every morning, I had finally decided to face my fears and weigh myself again and I had GAINED two pounds!! I know weight can fluctuate a couple of pounds but I will never forget how utterly frustrated and desperate I felt! I felt like throwing my hands into the air and giving up. Which is exactly what I did at the time because I stopped jogging all together. I thought to myself "if it's not going to do one bit of good then why do it?".

So needless to say, the truth about weight loss that I knew after my first Weighdown class years ago but had choose to forget is true! This past week I have been praying every day that God would show me how to stay within HIS boundaries of hunger and fullness and not to overeat and He has! I have been eating A LOT less as a result and I haven't worked out even once. I haven't counted a calorie or fat gram or even put a thought into what I have eaten. When I was hungry, I would eat what sounded good to me at that time. If it was chocolate, I ate it, just in small amounts. I've had pizza, spaghetti, burritos and nachos. I've just been eating at least HALF of what I used to eat and when it was hard for me to stop eating I would say a quick prayer for strength and God gave it to me! I am learning how to change my passion for food so before when I used to go to food to try to make me feel better and fill up my heart I now am going to God instead. It's not stomach hunger we have most of the time but a hunger in our hearts and food is a temporary pick-me-up.

I also had a couple of funny God-incidences (that's what Gwen calls them) too that literally made me laugh out loud so I will share one in particular:

Last Saturday I had been craving ice cream all day long but I didn't have any and I didn't want to buy any either because that is one of my main weaknesses and I didn't want to push it. Well by the time Saturday night rolled around I couldn't take it anymore so I thought that maybe I just wouldn't eat dinner at all and then I could go to Smiths and get a pint of my fav ice cream in the whole world; Mint Moose Tracks. I went and got it knowing that I was going to eat the entire thing because I could never stop with that one EVER in the past. When I got home and got Toby to sleep me and Robb sat down to watch a movie and I got out my pint of ice cream feeling excited but knowing in the back of my mind that I shouldn't eat it all yet also knowing that I would because I wouldn't be able to stop with it. I just got my little spoon and got settled on the couch next to my hubby and as I looked down and went to dig in I stopped dead in my tracks. The entire pint was freezer burnt! There were little crystallized ice all over it. At first I thought it wasn't true so I still dug in and tried to see if it was just on top. OH NO! It was the ENTIRE thing! I literally laughed out loud at how funny God thought he was but then I thanked Him that he cares about me SO much and wants to see me succeed at this that he would do that! I know it was not just chance that I had got a freezer burnt one. I've bought those a million times and have never had a freezer burnt one in that brand before. It was God taking care of me! What an awesome God we have! :) I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again, and guess what? IT'S GOD!! :)

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27

A Wake up Call!!

2010-04-17T06:09:00.000-07:00

I started the online class on Thursday night and I am really excited about it! As I was watching it I was feeling like everything is SO obvious and it reminded me of all of the things that I learned in the first class I did a few years ago but have not been applying. It really helped me to realize that I do over analyze everything and really it's SO simple:

"If your stomach is not growling, YOU DON'T EAT!!" A true physiological stomach growl is the ONLY thing that can turn on your mouth on to eat! It's not rocket science! God designed us this way! This is how animals eat and even our children. Food is only supposed to be FUEL for our bodies. We are supposed to ONLY eat when we're hungry and STOP when we're "politely full". What we eat does not matter!!!

The typical weight loss program suggests loosing weight through diet and exercise. This way suggests that if you loose the passion for the food the result will be eating less and therefore loosing weight PERMANENTLY! God didn't put yummy food on this earth to torture us! It's my heart toward the food that needs to change and only when that happens will I ever be permanently thin! Eating between hunger and fullness and ONLY between hunger and fullness is the will of God! All overeating is GREEDY and greed is idolatry! I had a hard time truly believing this the first time around and instead bought into Satan's lies over the last few years and that is why I am still overweight! When I stop being greedy I will stop overeating.

For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. - Eph. 5:5

So here's what I'm working on to change my heart and weight right now:

1) Praying praying praying that God will rule over me and that I can learn to completely surrender to his will and not my own by trying to learn to let go of the control that I feel like I need to have over food and let go of the steering wheel.
3) I'm learning to anticipate attacks from Satan before they happen so I'm prepared and strong.
4) I'm cutting all my portions in half and using a smaller plate to put my food on in the first plate.
5) NO GROWL- NO EATING!!! That alone will cut out a lot of unnecessary snacking and calories.
6) OBEY IN FULL! God is going to rule over my body, mind and soul!

Overeating causes disease, shame, heart problems, diabetes and on and on and on...I have a lot I want to do in this lifetime and I need to be healthy to do it!

Needless to say I've been going about this entire thing all wrong which I already knew in the back of my mind. Maci is not the key to my weight loss. God is! That is why I am changing my entire blog from Maci to God. I need to give credit and focus where it's truly due and it is God that loves me and has always taken care of me, not a mannequin or any other material thing on this earth! God has always given me peace and freedom from whatever I've needed and now I need Him to free me from the bondage and slavery of overeating and I know if there's anything in this world I can count on- it's Him!!

Weigh Down Tonight

2010-04-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am SO excited because I signed up for an online Weighdown workshop advanced class. That is the program I talked about a while ago that taught me how to start changing my attitude and relationship with eating all together and really made me change a lot of my previous bad habits. They now have a more advanced class that really goes deep into your heart and soul to continue to learn how to completely let go of any strongholds or idols that you still may be holding onto, whether it be overeating, smoking, drinking, etc. by learning to turn to God instead of strongholds. Anyway, the class starts tonight and it's an online 8 week course and I'm so excited to start it! I will be blogging and sharing about it as I go which I'm looking forward to as well. I feel like I'll be "killing two birds with one stone"; Loose weight and getting more spiritually in tune with God too! What better way to do it?! :)

"A safe stronghold our God is still, A trusty shield and weapon." -Martin Luther

Back in the Saddle Again!!

2010-04-11T15:28:00.001-07:00

Okay, so it's been a few months, I'll admit. I had a lot going on in my life after the holidays ended and even thinking about loosing weight just was not a high priority on my list of things to do, although it of course was always weighing heavy (like me) on the back of my mind.

My plan was to get through the holidays and then really tackel my goals once and for all and start getting the weight off! Well what ended up happening instead was that January hit and me and my hubby decided we needed to get away to somewhere sunny so we left to sunny Cancun and were there for only two days when tradegy struck our family and we lost someone that we loved and was very dear to all of us. Let's just say, that put me just about out of commission of caring about anything else (especially my weight) for a while. Then right when I started to come out of that haze just a bit I then found out I was pregnant. I was super excited about that because we were hoping to get pregnant sometime this year. I just didn't think it was going to happen so soon. Once I found out I was pregnant I just figured that I would put Maci away along with my blog until I had the baby and was ready to get going on my weight loss journey again.

I miscarried just less then two weeks ago I am just starting to come to terms with that now and am once again looking at myself long and hard. I've decided that if I'm not going to be pregnant then I'm going to be getting in shape instead and making healthy choices so that when I do get pregnant again, I will be as healthy as possible. That takes me back to Maci and my blog so here I am back in the blogging world and pretty excited about it! Afterall, Spring is here which represents rebirth and renewal so what better time to get started again then now?!

I went down into my dirty basement last week and cleaned it all out, dusted off all of my workout equipment and cleaned off my white board so I can start fresh with writing down my goals again on it. I also got online and ordered a really cute outfit for Maci and I am moving her down in the basement where I will work out every day. I will be taking new pictures and posting them soon. I've talked to Jennie and we are going to do a Curves type workout because I have so much equipment. We figured we'll do 10 minutes at 6 stations and when we've got through them all we'll have worked out for an hour! I also want to do the 9 day Isagenix cleanse as well that I was planning on doing after the holidays. I just need to order a couple of things to start.

So, me and Maci are back and she's planning on getting me whipped into shape once and for all! Our boat is in the shop getting fixed and all of the warm, lazy days of summer will be here before we know it and I want to look my best and be ready to have the best summer of my life!! Any support/encouragement/suggestions will be much appreciated as I once again try to make it happen! Who's with me?!

Dear Santa...

2009-12-03T19:48:00.001-08:00

Dear Santa,

If you could please just let me wake up on Christmas morning and be 60 pounds thinner, that is all I want from you. I will even leave you extra yummy, gooey cookies, some carrots for Rudolph and a large glass of CHOCOLATE milk! And I promise if I wake up and I am 60 pounds thinner, I will strive to maintain by making healthier lifestyle choices and running every day. That's not too much to ask is it?! I've been extra good all year long after all...

XOXO,
Nicole

Okay, I know I haven't blogged for a while and it's mostly been from lack of motivation and partly because I just have been so busy with other stuff. I have a plan though, and I'm excited about it. First off though; Is it really December already?! I'm confused because I'm not sure we even had Halloween, much less Thanksgiving!

So I got a little book from my brother Chris called the Master Cleanse. Some people call it the Lemonade Diet. It was written quite a few years ago but is huge in Hollywood right now because of all the great benefits from it. Not only does the average person loose 2 pounds a day on it, but the health benefits from it are HUGE, not to mention that it makes a person look like they've lost ten years from their face when they're done. Chris did it and he got GREAT results and looked amazing when he was done. At least ten years younger! I've always believed that fasting and "cleansing" can be really healthy for you. My problem in the past is that I never did it right and therefore it turned out bad. You definitely have to do it the right way or it can backfire and cause major problems.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail right now, but my plan is to do it in January after the holidays are over with. I'm hoping it will jump start my weight loss plan and that I will feel so fantastic that it will motivate me to keep going and running and running some more until I have reached my goal weight once and for all. Google it. You'll be impressed..

In the meantime, I don't plan on stressing too much this month about things. I don't want to gain any weight this month either so I'm just going to really try to keep things under control, relax and enjoy the Christmas season, and then get serious in the new year...That's my plan stan..Merry Christmas to all, and to all a GOODNIGHT!

KEEP TRYING!!

2009-11-05T05:27:00.000-08:00

I decided to wait and start my Isagenix cleanse after all of this moving and work was over with. I cleansed on Monday but was so tired and drained by the end of the day and I felt sick as a dog on top of it. Then I decided since this week is so chaotic with us moving out of our model and I had SO much to do that I need a lot of energy for, I am going to wait until we're done.

The last three days we have worked all day long moving and hauling stuff to the dump and back and forth to storage and bla bla bla...Needless to say, I literally have hardly stopped all week. We finally got everything ready yesterday for the garge sale that takes place tomorrow and Saturday so now today I will spend it getting caught up on my own house work and laundry since I will be working all weekend. But in the midst of everything, I have still been jogging and have been eating a lot better as well. I also saw the doctor on Monday and he had me do a blood test and put me on the medication I needed to get my hormones in line so hopefully I can get pregnant again someday. I'm also really excited about that because I think it also affects my weight loss when my hormones are out of whack so I'm hoping that it will all help. We'll see...I just keep singing the song I learned in junior high in my head and it sometimes helps...TWO-THREE-FOUR- "I'm not judged by the number of times I fail, TWO-THREE-FOUR, But by the number of times I succeed, TWO-THREE-FOUR, And the number of times that I succeed is in direct proportion, to the number of times I fail and KEEP TRYING!!" He he he...

Tissue Please...

2009-10-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know what my problem is this past week but I have felt very frustrated and unmotivated. I started out last week feeling pretty good. I wrote my goals for the week down on my board, started out running every day and really had some high hopes in making it a great week and one that really counted.

Well by the time Friday arrived I didn't run. I just didn't feel like it. And normally when I don't feel like, I do it anyway. Then, I was going to run Saturday for sure. When Saturday came along, not only did I not feel like it, but I could have cared less on top of that. I just felt so down for some reason.

There was nothing in particular that happened to make me feel that way. I think the reason I did was because last week I decided to weigh every morning just to see if it made a difference in helping me to focus at all. Well I hadn't weighed in almost two weeks and I didn't feel at all like I had lost any weight, but I guess there's that little hope in me thinking that I might have. I mean, after all, I was running EVERY, SINGLE day for almost two months. You would think that that would have made some sort of difference.

Well when I stepped on the scale on Monday morning of last week and it showed two pounds HIGHER then when I started, that kind of got me down. I didn't let it get to me too much at first because I knew that the previous week was a bad one and that I had eaten a lot of crap that I shouldn't have. Good thing when I weighed again on Tuesday morning, it was at least back down the two pounds to what it previously was. Then I went on to weigh every single day through Friday and every single day showed the exact same number. And I was eating better and less then the previous week. I know because I was writing it all down. Needless to say, I was discouraged.

Yesterday was a new week, a fresh start. So you think I would have started it off right, right? Yeah, well, I didn't. Toby woke up at 5 am for some reason and when he wouldn't go back to sleep we finally got up and when downstairs. Of course he was really fussy all morning because he woke up too early and I felt SO down and depressed for some reason myself. Well being the Mom and adult, I of course can't burst into tears like I felt like doing. I was just trying to hold myself together and be happy for his sake but he was still so tired so I finally decided to take him back upstairs and try to get him back to sleep.

When we went up to my room and I turned off the lights and got in bed with him to lay him down, he started flipping out and throwing a big fit and crawled to the bottom of the bed while I lay at the top of the bed and burst into tears myself like a two year old. I couldn't help it! And I couldn't stop it for some reason! He even stopped crying because he was so stunned that I was crying and thought I might be kidding at first. When he crawled back to the top of the bed to see what my deal was, I tried like mad to pull myself together because I didn't want to alarm him. I told him I was okay and tried to stop crying but when you have a little sweet two year old give you a big hug and say "it's okay", it made me cry even harder! I was out of control!

Well, I finally pulled myself together, for his sake if nothing else, and I got in the shower and got ready for work while he played. Then I took him to Amy, said a prayer that I would have a better week and get a lot accomplished, and I went to the office.

Being at work helped me to take my mind off of everything and I was starting to feel a lot better. Then I got home yesterday and immediately started feeling that depressed feeling again that I hate! I decided to get on the phone and make a doctors appointment once and for all. I know my hormones are out of whack and I need to get on the same medication I was on before that fixes my pituitary so that I'll start having normal cycles again. I feel good knowing that that is set up. I go in this Monday.

This morning I woke up and have felt on the verge of tears all morning. Then I got an email from a friend saying her father was killed in a head on collision and that did it for me! I burst into tears again. It just breaks my heart! I just heard yesterday about another person I knew who's daughter had just died as well in a auto accident! You just never know when your time is up!

Anyway, I'm drinking coffee right now and Toby's eating breakfast. I'm really going to try to head downstairs here soon and get on my treadmill and get on track with that again. I also just got my Isagenix cleanse in the mail yesterday and will be starting the 9 day cleanse this Monday. I'm hoping that that will give me a little boost with weight loss and my health. Even though it's not easy to do, I really need to. And in looking back on the past week, I have decided I'm definitely NOT going to weigh every day. Once a week should be good for now.

WOW! What a difference it makes...

2009-10-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

This past week has been an eye opener for me for a couple of reasons:

1- I started the week off by writing out my goals for just this week in a place where I saw them every day

2- I started keeping the food journal that I've been saying I was going to do

Okay, to start with #1. Writing out my goals. WOW! What a difference that made in my week to help me stay focused! What I did was I have a big white board hanging on my basement wall where my treadmill is that's been there forever. I decided to write my long term weight loss goals on it and then I also wrote my goals for just the week as well. I then wrote in big letters all over it, my goal weight (125) and "I AM A RUNNER" all over it. Like the Secret and most motivational programs teach, you have to Believe it if you want to Achieve it and part of starting to do that is to write it down in places you'll see it and read it all the time and it can be on the forefront of your mind everyday. Well I've always talked about doing that and knew it would probably help but WOW! Let me tell you, IT HELPS!!!

Every morning when I would go downstairs and get on my treadmill to run my mile, there- staring me in the face, were my goals. So when I was running and feeling good, I also got to review and concentrate on my goals as well. And having my goals for the week there kept me focused and reminded of what they were! Normally I, like most of you, would start off the week motivated and with really good intentions but by mid week I would get so wrapped up in life that the motivation and whatever my good intentions were, had completely worn off! BOY WAS THIS WEEK DIFFERENT! And it's all because I wrote it down and stayed FOCUSED! I'm excited about this (if you can't tell)!!! WRITE IT DOWN IN A PLACE YOU CAN SEE IT EVERY DAY!!! I just can't emphasize that enough!!

Okay, onto my #2 reason. The food journal. Again, I had read over and over again and heard by people I know that this can help. Just keeping a simple food journal of what you're eating every day. Well I've also in the past said I was going to do this but never did. Finally last week I bought a little notebook and started writing down what I ate. And because I had that on the white board as one of my weekly goals (Keep food Journal) I was reminded every morning to do it, so I did.

Let me just say this, when you know you have to write every little thing down that you put in your mouth, no matter how small, it makes you think twice before you eat that extra little cookie or buy that little mint truffle in the grocery line. I was honest with what I put down and I'm not going to lie, I noticed I eat a lot of crap that I don't need to be eating. Sugary stuff that PACKS on the extra calories! And Tabby was right, when you look back at all the crap you're eating, it kind of pisses you off! And it makes me want to eat better and make healthier choices. This is the only body I have and I want to stick around for a while. I have a lot of goals and dreams in this life that I want to live out and I need my health to do it.

Okay, aside from all of that, I'm also jogging my entire mile at a 5! When I started running it was taking me 13 minutes and 40 seconds to get through it. Now I am down to 12 minutes!! Yeah! I also ordered Isagenix yesterday and I'm going to do the 9 day cleanse when it gets here. I'm excited to do that too. Aside from being emotional for some odd reason, I'm feeling pretty excited. And I can't wait to write down my new goals for this week on my board too. It's given me new hope! And something to remember: "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever". Unfortunately...

I figured out Victoria's secret...

2009-10-12T05:52:00.001-07:00

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff...

I went and walked around the mall Sunday with Toby in his stroller. I needed to get out of the house and it was raining so I thought, why not go to the mall where it's indoors and warm and where I can walk around in stores with cute clothes to inspire me? The first store I went into was Victoria's Secret. I browsed through all of there super sexy lingerie and tried to imagine myself in it. Needless to say, I'm not THAT imaginative.

So today is Monday. A clean slate, fresh start to a new week. A chance to make this week really count. I'm going to try to run my mile at a 5 the entire time, cut my portions in half and hopefully loose maybe two pounds by next Monday. I haven't weighed in a while and have been getting a little pre-occupied and off track a bit so I plan on weighing in this Friday as well. Then from there I'm going to start weighing every Friday. That's my plan. I'm also going to start writing down what I eat every day. I got a little notebook to do it. I also got some Green Tea pills that I started taking that are supposed to be really good and help boost my metabolism. We'll see. Good luck to all who are in the same boat as me; and trying not to sink it...

Bla Bla Bla...

2009-10-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging and jogging now for just over a month and I'm excited. I started jogging a few days before I started the blog and I am now jogging my mile with ease and have upped my speed as well. I am also very faithful with doing it every morning of the week except Sunday. I've only missed maybe two other days from that. I started jogging at a slow 4.5 pace on my treadmill and a 1% incline and that was hard for me. I am now jogging half my mile at a 4.7 and the rest at a 5. When I first started, a 5 was way too hard for me and now it feels great! All-in-all I am feeling really good and I keep debating about whether or not to up my length or just stay at my mile and keep improving my speed and incline. I'm loving doing a mile every, single day because I know I will do it. I can always find 15 minutes a day to work out and don't have any excuses. In the past when I would say I was going to work out for a half hour or an hour and then didn't find the time, I would get frustrated and usually stop all together after a couple of weeks. Right now if I do a mile, every single day, I'm jogging 6 miles a week no matter what. I've also been researching and reading a lot about how good it is to workout 15 minutes a day and how much it can change your health and weight. I'm not sure what to do but right now I'm just sticking with the mile. That's what feels good and I know I can stick with. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. I think I'm also going to try an interval running that Amanda was telling me about that is a 12 minute run but apparently you go super fast and then slow and then fast (something like that) but it kicks your butt and is supposed to be equivalent to an hour long workout. I need to read the details still but it sounds good to me.

Anyhoo, Maci has been being completely ignored this past week. I thought I might be pregnant because I was feeling SO tired and unmotivated. Needless to say, the little pink line did not appear on the pee test and then I came down with a head cold, which explained it all. I just hadn't been feeling great and with the cold weather hitting us out of nowhere as well, all I've wanted to do is cuddle up in front of my fireplace with a good movie and do nothing. That's not all I've done, but that's all I've wanted to do. I have a really good plan though that I'm going to do with Maci soon that I know will keep me motivated. More to come... I just need to get feeling better and then I'll get back on track. Bla bla bla bla...I'm going to bed.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!! The TASTES of Fall!!

2009-09-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the first rainy, cold wet day we've had since fall's began and all I can say is "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh". I LOVE it! It's dark and grey outside but still feels so warm and inviting because of all of the golden colors that are starting to appear everywhere you look. It's so beautiful and mysterious out there and makes you just want to cuddle up by the fire with a good book and savor every moment of it! I've got my house decorated for fall, the fireplace on, and a pumpkin spice candle lit in my kitchen. Is there any season more beautiful?

Well with fall comes all of the holidays that are right around the corner. With holidays comes all of the good, irresistible food that we all feel perfectly okay with eating because after all, "tis the season" right? RIGHT! It is the season. When it's cold outside it's only natural to want to make and eat warm, yummy food that not only warms the body, but the soul as well. It's comfort food and was in no way mistakenly named so. And I have always been one that loves to bake around the holidays and make all of the fun holiday treats right along with the rest of you.

I just want to say that in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with any of it. As a matter of fact, it's SO right! It's the time to be grateful that we all have warm houses and loving families to be with and that we are all so fortunate to have the good food to eat in the first place, let alone the good memories that come along with it. With all of that being said, there are plenty of ways to make it through the holiday season and to really enjoy it as well, without gaining holiday weight. It all comes down to portion control and movement. It's easy when it's cold outside to put off that workout routine and stay snuggled and warm underneath the blankets instead. It's also easy to hide some extra fat underneath the comfy sweatshirts and sweaters that we get to wear as well. But the thing that's NOT easy is when the holiday season is over and we have to look at ourselves again knowing that Spring is around the corner and we have to loose the weight that we packed on. That's the NOT fun part that we all dread. So here's my plan to still enjoy the holidays and all the warm, yummy treats that come along with it, but not the extra pounds:

1) KEEP JOGGING! Movement of any sort is SO important, especially in the months when we tend to move the least. I plan on always trying to be more active in my day to day routines and I'm going to get a little watch with a beeper on it that will go off each hour to remind me to get up and move around for a minute or two if I haven't already. (See previous post on Metabolism boosts).

2) PORTION CONTROL! There's nothing wrong with eating! It's the portions we eat that we have to pay attention to. Remember: Smaller portions lead to a smaller butt!!! It's not rocket science!

3) ONLY EAT WHEN HUNGRY! This means to wait until you're truly hungry to eat and plan meals accordingly. Also, if you do plan on having a dessert or a treat afterward, SAVE ROOM for it! Don't eat until your full and then try to squeeze in some dessert just because it sounds good. It's not even enjoyable, nor does it taste as good when you do that. So if I want dessert afterward, I'm going to stop eating before I feel satisfied to save the room for it.

4) DON'T EVER, EVER EAT UNTIL YOU ARE STUFFED! This is SO important not only to prevent weight gain but for your health as well. It's something I have practiced doing for a while now. You need to quit eating before you get to that stuffed, uncomfortable feeling. In order to be able to asses when that is, you need to SLOW down and enjoy the food. Put down your fork between bites, take sips of your water between bites and savor the food. Isn't that how it's supposed to be eaten anyhow?

I'm also going to try to continue to boost my metabolism in natural ways and I'm still going to do the Isagenix 9 day cleanse soon, probably this month, to give me a little energy boost as well. I'll keep you posted as to when and will blog about it of course. I also have a little experiement I'm going to try with Maci that I think might help to keep me motivated...More on that to come...

So get out there, enjoy all of the wonderful, fun things that come along with fall and the seasons and most importantly, HAVE FUN and take time to cherish the scents, the scenery and the TASTES! Ta ta for now. I'm off to bake some pumpkin bread...

A BREAKTHOUGH!!

2009-09-27T13:21:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. Not to worry, I'm okay and everything is back on track. I got my chocolate fix, Aunt Flow never did visit (I know I should be relieved) and I apologized to Maci for the threats I made to her (see previous post). All in all, I feel really good today and am SO excited that I didn't let those negative voices get the best of me and kept up on my jogging at least.

Well this morning I woke up and mosied into the bathroom to brush my teeth as usual. I walked up to the bathroom sink and then literally stopped dead in my tracks. Was I seeing things or did my stomach look a little bit flatter and my waist a little bit more defined?! I couldn't even believe that it was noticeable enough to stop me dead in my tracks, espcially when I wasn't even looking for it! I just looked smaller in that area! I wasn't scheduled to weigh until this Friday but I was so excited that I thought, what the heck and took a deep breath and stepped onto the scale. Well I was disappointed briefly when the scale told me that I had only lost 1/2 pound since I last weighed (we have a digital one) but it didn't last because I know without a doubt that I have lost inches! Everyone always tells you when you start a work out program to not get too discouraged if the numbers on the scale don't go down right away because you're gaining muscle and bla bla bla... I already know that but either way, of course we all want to see the scale numbers going down! Well I'm still super excited now because I could see with my own eyes the inches going away and if it was noticeable enough for me to notice without even looking then all I can say is: "Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP?!"

Chocolate? YES PLEASE!!!

2009-09-25T23:05:00.001-07:00

Jogged my mile. Got some of my spring cleaning list done. Other than that, I ate like a big, giant rhinoceros today and quite frankly could care less! I felt ravenous and out of control and like I can't get enough chocolate into my diet. PMS? WHO THE HAY KNOWS! I wish Aunt Flow would just visit so maybe I would at least know why it is that I want to eat nothing but Extreme Mouse Tracks ice cream with chocolate syrup on top of it and crumbled chocolate on top of that and then chase it down with a big, giant glass of chocolate milk!

So I go in to say hi to Maci tonight hoping maybe seeing her might snap me out of this funk and get me back on track for tomorrow. Yep, seeing her there all skinny in those size 5 jeans did help to refocus me...for about one minute. Then I got all irritated at her big, white face and told her that I may have drank a glass of chocolate milk but she could just go ahead and drink a big, fat glass of "shut the hell up" and if she had a problem with it, I wouldn't hesitate to put her back into pieces and box her back up where she came from. Hopefully tomorow will be a better day. I do plan on finding some green tea gum to chew on so we'll see if that helps at all.

Tips to Boost Your Metabolism TODAY!!

2009-09-23T20:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've been trying to research the best ways to boost metabolism and jump start my energy and bla bla bla and I was reading a magazine and they had some really good tips in there that I am definitely going to start trying tomorrow. Of course the very next page was titled "Cheesecake Bliss", but that's for another day... So here's ways to slim up without hours of exercise a day because who on earth has the time?! Shut up Maci, you don't have to burn anything...

1) EAT BREAKFAST! Now I have heard this works before but this is saying that the more satisfying the breakfast is, the faster your metabolism hits its peak and filling up in the a.m. helps to nix future cravings as well. Interesting... Apparently breakfast eaters weigh up to 50% less on average than those who eat little or nothing and are 4.5 times less likely to be obese compared to those who skip it. Good news eh?

2) COFFEE! It says that the caffeine in just one cup of coffee delivers a 16% metabolism boost and drinking two to three cups a day halts emotional eating because coffee drinkers are 34% less likely to feel blue! NICE! Starbucks, here I come!

3) WORK OUT IN THE AM. Of course any time is better then no time, but people who work out in the a.m. are 90% more likely to stick to it than those who work out later.

4) COTTAGE CHEESE. This is loaded with protein and research shows folks who consume the most protein (especially dairy) have the speediest metabolisms and store up to 61% less fat!

5) GREEN TEA GUM. Green tea helps zap calories 43% faster than usual so instead of drinking five cups of tea you can simply pop two pieces, three times a day of gum infused with green-tea extract.

6) STAND UP. There are unique enzymes in your leg muscles and standing up is all it takes to activate them. Scientist found that getting up and moving around your office or home once an hour for just a couple minutes may have the same metabolism-boosting power as sweating for 60 minutes at the gym! WHAT?! Hold on, I'll be right back, need to stand up...

7) SLEEP. Of course we've all heard get more sleep...Apparently we need at least seven hours a night. It said women who slept five hours a night or less gained more weight than those who slept at least seven. (BTW, apparently aspirin can cause insomnia so don't take it before bed).

And here are some ways it suggested to melt fat faster then we ever thought possible:

1) FOOD LOG. Writing everything down really keeps you aware and accountable. (Okay, I will start that tommorow like I said)..

2) HOP ON SCALE. If you dare (read Scalephobia post). Apparently every two to three days. A study proved folks who weighed in daily lose 100% more than those on the exact same diet who didn't. WOW! I don't dare do it daily again but I'm considering doing it maybe once a week..We'll see..(deep breath).

There were of course some more tips like drink lots of water, get carb smart, yaddy yaddy yadda. Stuff we've all heard a thousand time. I just wanted to share the ones that I was surprised and impressed by.

Jogged my mile today and I really think today was the easiest time yet for me. I think that means I'm just about ready to up my length. I'm also going to start my food log like I had planned because as talked about above, it's supposed to help but it's late and I can't even remember everything I ate today so I will begining that tomorrow. So good night, sleep tight, I really really hope my double chin shrinks tonight...

Snowball Effect

2009-09-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

Well I started this blog two weeks ago yesterday. It was then that I was SO excited because of the motivation and little "spark" of something unexplainable that I had gotten from Maci. I am VERY happy to report that after two weeks of blogging, not only has my motivation NOT worn off, it has began to get stronger and stronger and I have gotten more determined then ever that I was right. THIS IS IT! Maci is going to be my secret weapon to weight loss once and for all!

Like I said before, it's not going to be a real quick thing because I'm not dieting. I'm making healthier choices throughout my day and I'm a RUNNER now too! Yes, I'm still only running one mile per day, but I've done it almost every single day since I got her and instead of getting bored like I usually do or start thinking "what's the point" and talk myself out of the entire thing, I'm getting MORE excited! I'm starting to notice a little bit of a difference in my jeans and I think my face may look just a little bit less chunky and has just a tad more definition! I will weigh again on October 2nd to see if I have lost any weight but for now, that is good enough for me.

I was a little bit frustrated last week because I was feeling SO bloated and puffy everywhere and thought for sure I was PMS-ing but being as I haven't had Aunt Flow visit in almost three years, I thought that was unlikely. I knew it was probably hormonal either way so I stuck with it and I'm glad I did. My legs (especially my thighs) have been a little sore but it's that sore feeling that I like to feel. The feeling that says, "you've been working out and big rewards are going to come out of it." Because I'm jogging a mile a day, I am now jogging 6-7 miles per week which is something I was not doing before and trust me, my body is taking notice! I also feel like I have a lot more energy then before and just kind of have that "get up and go" feeling more often! All in all, I feel as though I am on the right track.

I try to run every morning and one of the main reasons I've hardly missed a day is because it only takes me a total of 15 minutes to do the entire mile with a short warm up and cool down and I always can find 15 minutes in the morning to do it. I just do it without even thinking about it and before I know it I'm done and going on with my day and feeling great because of it!

Like I said in my first couple of posts, I really think the power of positive thinking is such an important part of anyone loosing weight. I am trying to stay focused and positive and whenever I start to feel myself getting down or discouraged I immediately stop and change my thoughts and start thinking positive instead. I think that is SO important. It also has helped me SO SO much to hear positive feedback and encouragement from people following me who have said that I have inspired them to work out or start eating better. I feel an obligation now to not only not let myself down, but I don't want to let anyone else down either. Knowing I have inspired even one person is enough for me to keep going. It's a snowball effect that started with that skinny bitch who is always here to remind me of how I want to look and who I have grown to really appreciate! Thanks Maci...One day those jeans will be mine!

The Little Lies We Tell Ourselves

2009-09-18T21:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I faced my fear of the scale this morning. I woke up and just did it before I chickened out or got too worked up thinking about it. When I got up the courage and stepped onto it, all it said was "keep running! keep running! For the love of everything holy, KEEP RUNNING!!!" Was it as scary as I had anticipated? YES! I didn't know scales could even talk! It scared the hell out of me! No really, it wasn't that bad. I weighed EXACTLY what I weighed at my first prenatal visit when I first found out I was pregnant. That's ten pounds more then the last time that I was weighed at my 6 week post natal visit. So basically I have gained TEN pounds in two years without even noticing. Sure I noticed when my jeans were getting a little bit tighter and my fingers felt a little swollen. And I guess I even noticed when I saw myself in pictures and my double chin looked a little bit bigger and more prominent then before. But the bottom line is that I just kept telling myself it was the angle of the picture or the lighting or I was just bloated and bla bla bla. The little lies we tell ourselves to make us feel just a little bit better about the the flat out fact that we have just GAINED WEIGHT and don't want to face up to it are ridiculous! Don't kid yourselves people! Just fess up and start doing something about it already! Buy that full length mirror (yes, I already did) and get honest with yourself!

Well, as scary as it was for me to face, I did it and now I feel really good that I did. It's like buying the full lenght mirror the other day and really looking at myself in it once and for all I feel like I have a fresh start, I know exactly where I stand now and I can just go from here. I'm going to start weighing myself every two weeks and tracking my progress from here. One step at a time...

Well in the meantime, Robb is gone out of town for ten days. Even though I miss him when he leaves and it can sometimes get lonely, I'm actually a little bit excited because that's enough time to loose a few pounds before he gets home. Usually when he's not here it's easier for me to loose weight anyway because I don't have to even worry about what to make for dinner and if I just want to eat a bowl of cereal then I'm good. I usually always eat less when he's not around to cook for. So here's my plan:
I want to loose 3-5 pounds by September 28th. I also decided that while he's gone to stay busy and keep distracted so I don't get bored and want to snack, I'm going to try to get all of my Spring cleaning done as well. Yes, I said Spring cleaning. I really want to get the list that's been on my fridge since spring, done before fall so I'm going to set a goal to have it done before he gets back. That should keep me busy and moving. I'm also going to decorate for fall sometime this week because it's one of my favorite times of the year. I love too how the crispness in the air just makes you want to get out and move so why not take advantage of it? So here's to getting stuff done, loosing some weight and the beautiful fall days ahead!!

Tomorrow I Face my Fears...

2009-09-17T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well, tomorrow is the day I've been dreading for two weeks. Well actually, for two years now. I said how I haven't stepped on the scale since my 6 week post natal visit, which when I think about it was almost exactly two years ago to the day because Toby's been two now for about six weeks...Hmmmm...that's weird. Anyhoo, tomorrow morning after peeing and before putting on one ounce of clothes, I'm going to do it. Step on the scale and see that big, fat number staring me in the face that I just don't even want to know. I start to feel almost light-headed and like I'm going to hyperventilate just thinking about it (scalephobia)...Not fun. Not fun at all but I know it's important to know where I stand and start tracking it. I'm just going to weigh once every two weeks. It's time to face my fears so I've got to do it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! I'll keep you posted on the terror!

I jogged my mile this morning. I almost didn't because Toby for some reason did not want me on the treadmill and kept crying for me to hold him but with much distraction I got him sidetracked long enough to get through it and made it the full mile. Whew! I've also the last two days upped my pace on one lap and it's taken almost 40 seconds off my mile. That means when I up the entire pace of the mile I'll be cutting off almost 2 1/2 minutes!

Today I ate a yogurt for breakfast with coffee and SUGAR FREE creamer. Lunch was a turkey sandwich and diet Pepsi and dinner was chicken tacos. I think I ate a couple little Sweedish Fish in there somewhere too and I had a twist cone on my way home from Springville. Not too bad... I wonder if I start to visualize the number on the scale that I want to see, if it will appear when I'm on it in the morning...We'll see...

I Am A RUNNER!!!

2009-09-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

"I know of no single factor that more greatly affects our ability to perform than the image we have of ourselves".- Tim Gallwey

Well before I got pregnant with my son I had started to jog. It's funny cuz whenever I would tell people that I was jogging I always would follow it up with "well, I don't go very fast and it's definitely not running, just a jog." Well all of that's changed this time (just like my butt size is finally going to) because I am reading a book called The Complete Book of Running for Women and in it I learned that the definition of running is:

To move the legs quickly; the one foot being lifted before the other is set down so as to go at a faster pace than walking; to cover the ground, make one's way rapidly in this manner.

The entire chapter that I am reading right now is all about the power of positive thinking (something Maci is already helping me with). It's saying that it is important to see myself as a runner and I will feel more confident and more powerful which will in turn fuel my excitement for running. If I were to just say "I am a jogger", like I always used to, it makes me feel wimpish and not special in any way. When I say "I am a runner", I notice that it boosts my attitude and makes me feel proud! When you feel self confident, your train harder, become a better runner and eventually running regularly will be easy! It goes on further to also talk about visualization (something Maci is also helping me with) and picturing myself as a strong runner. So I need to start reaffirming myself with this so her goes:

"I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER!"

Yep, feel more like one already.

Well like I said, I went a bought a full length mirror today. I haven't yet had time to hang it but I plan on it tomorrow and as one of my followers recommended, I am going to put Maci up in the my closet in my bedroom where I dress every day right next to my full length mirror and see how that goes. Right now she's still in my front room.

I woke up and RAN this morning and it felt great. It is definitely already getting a little bit easier and I think by Monday I will be ready to add another 1/2 mile to my run. For dinner tonight I was really craving some good pasta to go with a red wine that I got but I didn't want something really heavy and fattening. I tried to call my sis Amanda for a good, light recipe but she didn't answer but then Jennie gave me one instead. It was really good. I sauteed garlic in olive oil and then chopped up banana squash, red and green peppers, broccoli and cherry tomatoes and cooked them for a little bit with the garlic and then mixed the entire thing with some bow tie pasta and added a bit of feta cheese. It was perfect. Not too heavy and loaded with good veggies. Furthermore it went great with the wine I choose.

So tomorrow I will hang my mirror and take a good, hard look at my(full)self in it. And only three more days until the big weigh in that I'm dreading. I've also decided that I'm going to start keeping a food log on here each day as well of every single thing that I eat. That way it holds me even more accountable because I won't want to write down that I've just eaten a bunch of crap and been a big fat pig for the day for everyone to see so I think it will help even more. Wish me luck...

Time to Get Real

2009-09-14T19:52:00.000-07:00

Well, part of me doing this blog is to get real with myself and have some accountability for my actions. So I'm not going to lie, the last few days have been hard for me. I already said how we did the expo Friday and Saturday and then yesterday was mine and Robb's anniversary and it didn't help that he got me a big box of chocolates in the morning and then some ice cream to go with the brownies I made last night. But hey, I only ate a couple little chocolates all day and not as much ice cream or brownies as I would normally have had. And like I said before, I'm not dieting or cutting the good stuff out of my life, and there will be days when I may have more bad then good. It just all comes down to balance and portion control and activity.

I didn't work out yesterday because it was Sunday and that is the one day I call my "free day" since it is a day of rest. If I feel good and choose to jog on Sunday's then I will, but I just won't feel bad if I don't. I did, however, wake up this morning and hopped on my treadmill and jogged my mile and I have to say, it felt fantastic and I'm pretty sure that I'm already building up some endurance! I feel a lot better then when I started 11 days ago and I'm pretty sure my stomach is already shrinking a bit cuz my fat roll seems a little smaller already and I don't feel quite so uncomfortable in some of my jeans. That is great news but I'm still dreading this Friday (Sept. 18th) because that is the day that I promised myself I would step on that stinkin scale in my bathroom and get honest with myself as to where I truly stand. (Help!)

I did go in the front room and spend a few minutes with Maci tonight. I just kept trying to visualizing myself in her jeans and being that thin and I really do think she helps to keep me focused. It's like the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Like when you watch a movie with a really cute, skinny women in it and by the time you leave the theatre you are convinced that you're going to start working out and getting in shape and bla bla bla. Then you go home and get caught up with life again and the motivation that you got from the skinny women in the movie starts to fade away right along with your determination. Well that's how I feel but the difference is is when I start to loose my determination now, I go right in my front room where Maci is standing all cute and skinny and I start to feel that determination rise again and my focus starts to come back! I really think I could be onto something here. We'll see...

Okay, back to getting real with myself. Just like my "Scalephobia" syndrome. I also have not owned, nor have had any desire to own, a full length mirror in years. Yes, I said years. When I got to where I was avoiding mirrors in general at all cost (yes I still showered and did my hair and makeup everyday) it just didn't make sense to get one when we moved into our first house so I never bothered. Well my friends, this is all about change, facing my fears and getting real with myself so I have decided that I am going to go buy a full length mirror and hang it in my closet. It's time to not only face the insecurities I have about myself, but I'm also going to really try to start focusing on the things I like about my body as well. I want to start facing myself in a full length mirror in my own birthday suit and get to where I like what I see. So tomorrow I'm going to buy a full-length mirror and start getting to truly know the person that I see when I look into it again. I'm excited (okay, somewhat) because I've missed her and I know she's beautiful, inside and out!

I Just Chased the Ice Cream Man Down the Street

2009-09-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Well, okay, I really didn't. But I felt like it! I don't know what my deal is today but I have been craving ice cream all day! Don't worry, I didn't eat any. I would have, but I was never in a place that had it. My sister Jennie and I were at the Women's Expo all day Friday and today (Sat.) and I literally felt like all I did was eat crap from vendors. I did, however, still wake up this morning nice and early and jogged my mile before I even left. Yesterday was the first day I missed my mile in over a week and it was just becauase we had to leave so early to the expo to finish setting up and by the time I got home at almost 9 pm, all I wanted to do was snuggle with my baby boy and pass out, so I did. And that's okay that I missed a day. It will happen every now and again and the important thing is is that I got up this morning and jogged before I left so I wouldn't miss two days in a row.

Maci did a great job modeling our BFF apparel but having her right in the booth with me didn't stop me from eating the fudge that Jennie bought. I noticed when I get anxious or nervous, I like to eat. I'm going to be working on finding something else to do instead. Any ideas? I really don't want to be chasing the ice cream man down the street...

Scalephobia

2009-09-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

Just got upstairs from working out on my treadmill and it's 9 pm. Me and Jennie had to go set up for the Women's Expo bright and early so I didn't have time this morning but SWORE no matter what time Toby finally was asleep, that I would get down there, and I did. Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!! I don't know what the deal was tonight but I started jogging and after only two laps my chest hurt really bad, almost like heartburn, but not really. I got off and got a quick drink and then got back on and had to walk one of the laps but I finished the last one off with a bang and ran it all the way! When me and Jennie went out to lunch today, we split a meal and it was just the right amount. We talked about how we need to start doing that all the time because not only will it save us calories, it will save us money as well. Then on the way home we did NOT stop and get an ice cream (something we got in the habit of doing) either!

Okay, I had an idea to jump start me. About four years ago I was introduced to a little health cleanse called Isagenix. I watched the little DVD that showed healthy verses unhealthy blood cells and was convinced right then and there that I needed to cleanse. It was a nine day program where you drank the shakes and mineral crap and then ate these disgusting, chalky little tablets but I have to admit, I lost a few pounds but it was my energy level that went through the roof when I was done and I really felt GREAT! And it was shortly after that that I got pregnant too (something I hadn't done in over 9 years of having sex). Was is coincidence? Who knows. The bottom line is that I felt great and like I said before, I think cleansing can be a really good thing for your body and health if it's done right. Bla bla bla, my point is is that as soon as I get a little bit of extra money I'm going to get the program and do the 9 day cleanse to try to give me a little "jump start" into weight loss and feeling great. I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime, I need to talk about a little problem I have that I have to overcome if I'm going to know where I stand weight-wise and know my true progression. It's called "Scalephobia", well that's at least what I call it. Definition: Fear of standing on the scale. I have it, and BIG time. For so many years I felt like the happiness of my day was either made or broke by what the scale told me I weighed that morning. Then finally I got to the point where I literally decided I wasn't going to get on it anymore and just try to be happy. Then there came a time that it had been so long that I hadn't weighed and I knew when I had to I would probably get so depressed about what the scale showed that in desperation I would start trying to diet. That would then lead me to eat even more and yes, gain more weight. It's a VISCIOUS cycle and one I refuse to ever go back to. Bottom line is that I pretty much banned the scale from my life and after so long of not getting on it, I was terrified to do so.

Well, I had to face my fears when I got pregnant. All you mommies know, there is no getting around NOT getting on the scale every single time you visited the doctor! I remember my very first pre-natal appointment so well because I couldn't even let myself get too excited because I was way too frightened of what that god-forsaken scale was going to show when I stepped my giant butt up on it. Furthermore, my husband Robb was there too and throughout our entire marriage I had REFUSED to ever tell him my weight. There were times he even begged and told me that he just didn't understand why I was so weird about it and would never tell him and that I was his wife and bla bla bla but no matter how much he pressed to know, it was TOP SECRET. And for good reason.

Anyway, I anxiously waited for what I knew was coming and sure enough, the nurse barely even said hi before she led me straight to the big, metal scale from hell. I immediately took off my shoes and told her to make sure she deducted at least two pounds for my clothes as well. Well, there it was, the number that I had dreaded hearing for years but knew someday I would have to face. I was frantically calculating in my mind what a full-term pregnancy would add onto that and I think I may have blacked out for a moment at the figure. Just kidding. I didn't. I got over it and thought to myself, I'm just going to be careful, continue to walk every day, and enjoy my pregnancy and not stress about it because that wouldn't be good for the baby and I knew that was the most important thing, not my weight. Well luckily during my pregnancy I miraculously only gained a total of 9 pounds (7 which was the baby) so I got off easy and had a beautiful healthy baby boy. I guess when you're body is already 50 pounds overweight and you get pregnant, it already has all the fat it needs and then some so I was good.

My point to all of this is that my baby boy is now two years old and the last time I stepped on a scale was my post natal 6 week visit to the doctor. Now I will NEVER go back to weighing myself all the time but I do want to weigh to see where I stand now and then be able to track my progress. I know that's important and can also be motivation to keep going. I think weighing once ever two weeks is what I want to start doing, but I'm just SO scared to take that first step (right onto the scale from hell). So my plan is: I'm going to wait until next Friday (Sept. 18th) to do it. That way I figure I can at least possibly loose a couple of pounds before then and it might not be too bad. We'll see. I just about start hyperventilating when I think about it. Help!!

Sooooo Tired!

2009-09-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, well today was day six of me jogging and I'm not going to lie, it was tough for me this morning and I almost didn't go down there. I woke up in the middle of the night and tossed and turned for about an hour because I felt hungry because I had had such an early dinner so I finally went downstairs and ate a yogurt from the fridge then went back up to my room and tossed and turned for another hour before finally drifting into a deep sleep at 5 am only to have Toby wake me up at 6 am on the dot (his usual waking time). Needless to say, I was pretty tired. I just couldn't find it in me to go get on my treadmill but knew if I didn't do it before work, I probably never would. So I went in the front room where Maci was standing there all chipper and skinny in those damn size 5 jeans and it didn't take her long to convince me to get my butt down there and get it over with. And you know what she told me? She said "If Kate, who has 8 kids can still find an hour each day to work out and look great, then so can you!" I listened to her and was glad I did even though after I started it took all I had to make it the full mile! Once again, she was right and I felt great when I was done. Here are the things I did differently today from my normal days:

Jogged 1 mile
Sugar-free creamer for coffee
Did not snack between meals
Didn't drink any sugary soda
Ate half a bowl of ice cream instead of whole bowl tonight (hey, I needed the treat!, shut up Maci!)
I didn't get a treat to bring back to the office after lunch even when asked. I put my foot down and said NO!

All in all, I think I'm on the right track. It may take some time but I'm okay with that. Patience is my middle name right now and I learned that the faster you take off the weight, the faster you'll put it back on (and then some) so do it right so it STAYS OFF! Good night, sleep tight, maybe my butt will shrink tonight...he he he...

My struggles and new plan to loose the weight

2009-09-08T18:34:00.000-07:00

If you're new here, please read my first two posts so that you're caught up as to why I think Maci is my secrete weapon to weightloss. Thanks!

Okay, so I said I would give you a background on my weight loss struggles and I will. I just don't want to bore you with all the details because the fact-of-the-matter is, almost every women out there has had to, at one time or another, deal with the ugly weight loss issues. That is why the weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. But here's a little inside to my personal struggles:

I was not an overweight kid and I never struggled with weight until I hit puberty and started going through that awkward, hormonal phase. It was a combination of that and I'm pretty sure the stress of my mom suffering from cancer, that I started to put on weight. From about the age of 13 to 16 is when I gained quite a bit. Again, I wasn't what you would look at as really heavy, just heavy for my age. Anyway, my mom died just before my 16th birthday and I went to live with my dad. I remember getting my drivers license and I was SO excited to drive because my mom left me her car (a great gift although I wish she would have stayed instead) and I remember looking at the picture on my license and literally not recognizing that person in it. Was that me?! I looked awful and fat and knew right then and there that I had to make some changes. That is the only other time I remember feeling the way I feel right now. That it WAS time to change, and nothing or no one would stand in my way!!

Being a young girl at the time and really not knowing what route to take to loose the weight, I got interested in juice fasting because my dad did it on and off just for health reasons and I thought it just seemed like a good thing to try. Now I still believe fasting and cleansing is good for your body from time to time and there are all sorts of healthy ways to go about doing it right. The problem is is that when I was 16 years old, I did it the most UN-healthy way a young girl could. I remember gorging on food on then going for days, sometimes weeks at a time doing what I called "juice fasting". Pretty much all that meant was that I didn't eat any food whatsoever but could drink any juices that I wanted and other liquids that were fat free. I saw such great, instant results by doing this that I got hooked! I would then break my fast and start eating and of course, start putting weight back on. There started my roller-coaster. By the time I was 17, I was looking really good and feeling a lot better about myself (when I wasn't starving) but I had about the most unhealthy outlook on food because of it all. I started putting food on a big pedestal because human nature wants what it can't have, and when I wasn't "fasting" I wanted to eat everything in site! Needless to say, this VERY unhealthy way of loosing weight did make me thin, but COMPLETELY screwed up my metabolism and my hormones. By the time I was 18 I had a pituitary tumor that I had to have surgically removed and I was not having any type of normal menstrual cycles whatsoever. The doctor told me that he was pretty certain that my unhealthy weight losses is what caused this type of tumor and later caused me not to be able to get pregnant for several years. There ended the only way I knew for sure to loose weight that I could count on.

One year after my surgery I met my husband and we were married by 20. I fasted the week before my wedding to drop a couple pounds and then swore I wouldn't go down that road again. As a result, I started to try to eat somewhat normal. Well being newly married and in our own place, I of course started cooking and we started staying in more and yes, eating more. I had also got my desk job right before getting married so now on top of everything, I was also sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. The first five years of our marriage I dieted on all sorts of strange diets on and off and of course would loose a little weight and then I'd gain it back plus some. I was extremely unhappy about my new fat self and extremely insecure as a result. I finally got desperate enough that I did do a big unhealthy juice fast again and this time I didn't eat a thing for 30 days. Yes, I lost some weight (about 20 lbs) and yes, I gained it all back and in the process, further screwed up my metabolism and my tumor grew back. I weighed the most I have ever weighed about seven years ago (size 14-16) and was the most depressed and miserable that I had ever been. I felt desperate and hopeless. That is when I was reading a magazine that talked about loosing weight without dieting but instead by eating what you want. The key was though to only eat if you're truly hungry. What? Wait until I actually feel hungry to eat? I felt like I was eating all the time and didn't even know what hunger felt like. I ate when I was anxious, bored, sad, happy, it didn't matter so this was a new concept for me. Needless to say, I was intrigued, especially since this was a way to loose weight without dieting and by just listening to your body. I immediately got the book and read it and felt excited about this concept of loosing weight. I then ordered the full program and started doing the DVD's and journals. Everything this women said made perfect sense! DIETS DON'T WORK and the problem is not the food, it's US and our attitude towards the food! I to this day, have totally changed the way I view food. I took it off it's pedestal, started buying the good stuff and started to try to change ME, not the food.

Well for the past six years, it has been quite a journey re-learning how to listen to my body, stop eating before I was stuffed to the max, slow down, yaddy yaddy yada, but in the process I have completely changed my metabolism to where I can actually eat again without gaining weight. I did loose some weight in the process as well and went from a size 14/16 down to a size 12. Of course that's a lot better then before and I have really learned how to be a lot happier with myself. I have also gained a lot more self-confidence as well. The problem is, is that I don't want to be stuck at a size 12 my whole life. Obviously, I want to be Maci's size, a size 5 and not because I'm vain or not happy, but because I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not ever feeling good when I'm in a swim suit. I'm tired of having to adjust my jeans over my big fat roll every time I stand up or sit down. I'm tired of not ever wanting to wear shorts or cute skirts because I don't want to show my legs at all. I'm tired of not feeling sexy for my husband even though he says I am. I'm tired of not wanting to have my picture taken, especially with my beautiful baby boy. All-in-all, I'm just tired of not being the person that God intended me to be and that is healthy and thin; that's how we're all intended to be.

I thank God all the time that I am so fortunate to be an American and live in this great country, but with that comes the American way of eating that we all battle. Fast food on every corner, driving everywhere we go, entertainment that constantly revolves around food- you get my drift. But the difference I have now that I didn't' have 7 years ago, is that I no longer put food on any type of pedestal. I eat what I want, but try to only eat it when I'm hungry. Because I'm not denying myself the good stuff, it's no longer important to me. I have lots of treats and snacks in my pantry and I really could care less. I eat them if I feel like it but with self-control now. My biggest problem is lack of exercise and I need more portion control.

So here is mine and Maci's plan that I told you we "talked" about:

First, I'm going to continue to jog every day. Right now I'm only jogging one mile, but I'm doing it every day and I don't stop. Every two weeks I'm going to try to add another 1/2 mile to it until I'm jogging about 4-5 miles each day. That will be HUGE for me because ever since I was pregnant with my son (who is now two), I haven't worked out at all. Sure I would go on walks here and there, but nothing serious. I had just started to get into jogging before I found out I was pregnant and I LOVED it. I guess I more loved the fact that I never in my life had seen myself as a runner so when I finally was building up to where I could run a mile without dying or my lungs collapsing, I was thrilled to say the least. I've since then had dreams that I've been running and running and never get tired and I know that I have it in me to do it!

Second, I'm going to go back to what that program taught me, which is to only eat if I'm hungry. Truly hungry. Not bored or anxious. It taught me to listen to my body and then when it gave me a hungry signal, really think about what it is it's craving and to eat it, fat, sugar and all. Just slow down, enjoy it, but most importantly, as soon as I start to feel that satisfied (not stuffed) feeling, STOP eating! And if I know I want dessert of some type, make sure I save room to eat dessert. I try to somewhat do all of this now but I have to admit that I have fallen off the track a bit and I definitely have been snacking out of boredom or just for fun a lot of the times. That is where you can PACK on the extra calories without even realizing it! It also teaches to NOT drink sugary drinks because that ups your insulin levels and will screw up your bodies natural hunger signals so you won't truly know when you're hungry. Like I said in my first post, I'm not going to be drinking soda anymore unless it's diet. I do, however, still plan on having coffee in the morning but I will switch to sugar-free creamer.

Third, I plan on trying to consciously be more active in my day to day routines; be it parking a little further from the grocery store doors, running up and down the stairs even if I don't feel like it, going on more walks with my son, stuff like that. And here's where Maci comes into this all: if I ever start to feel like I can't do it, I know she's got my back this time and is there in my front room rooting for me to succeed and taunting me with those size 5 pants that I so badly want to fit into! Every time I go in to see her, she sets me straight and that's something I've never had in my corner before!So to sum up this ridiculously long post, with Maci's help and the support and accountability from others, I plan to finally loose this weight once and for all! Then someday I will post a new picture that shows ME wearing the jeans and looking so good and then maybe I will inspire others as well. Don't worry, I will post daily on my progress, setbacks, workouts, weight loss and exactly what Maci coaches me to do. I will also try to post progression pics whenever possible. So here it goes; we'll see if Maci My Motivational Mannequin, is what will finally kick my rather large butt into shape and be the key and secret weapon that I've been missing all along! Here's to a new me!

p.s. I was debating about eating ice cream tonight so I went in and spent a few minutes with Maci and she changed my mind. Instead I got a big glass of ice water and got on my computer instead. And today is my FIFTH day in a row jogging!! YEAH!!!

My theory on why Maci's my secret weapon to weightloss

2009-09-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's my theory on this so you all have a little bit of idea as to why I believe Maci is my secret weapon to weight loss and then I will go into a brief history of my own struggles in the past:

How many people out there have watched the very popular movie "The Secret"?, or read the book? Well, it, like many other self-help tools, teaches the theory that If you believe it, you can achieve it and one of the MAIN keys to making it happen is to visualize it happening. Well in some of my past attempts to loose weight I would buy a cute little bikini and hang it on a hanger where I could see it every day trying to visualize myself but it never worked! I even bought cute dresses, shirts, etc. but I think the main problem was that I couldn't visualize MYSELF in any of them anymore. I think something deep down inside of me kept telling me "you're not going to change, you're not going to loose it this time just like every other time, bla bla bla" (we've all heard that negative, little witchy pooh before, right?) And after so long of listening to her annoying little voice of doubt, I started believing her. I would tell myself I didn't, and sing the song I learned in Junior High "I'm not judged by the number of times I fail (two,three,four), but by the number of times I succeed (two, three,four)..." over and over again, but I knew that I had lost that hope and didn't know if anything could spark me into believing again that I would one day be thin. That was, until Maci arrived.

The second I put her together and, like I said before, put those cute size 5 jeans on her, I all the sudden saw ME wearing them and something "clicked"! That's the day I had my husband take the picture of me standing next to her that I posted here and I announced that I would one day fit into her jeans! At first, that witchy pooh voice was telling me, "don't get too excited, nothings going on here" but then the very next day I found myself doing my usual routine and after seeing Maci standing all thin in my front room, I decided to go downstairs on hop on my dusty treadmill and start JOGGING!! (something I hadn't done since before I was pregnant and kept telling myself I would start again someday). What the heck?! Why did seeing Maci make me want to work out? Because I was also seeing MYSELF in her. My healthy, thin self that I used to be and thought I would never see again! All of the sudden, I did! I know she IS still in there somewhere deep in me, I felt hope rising!

Well, that's the same feeling that I had when I was 16 years old and started loosing the weight then (I'll tell you about that in a bit) and have never felt that since. Needless to say, I was EXCITED! Then, when three days in a row went by and I was still jogging, I was SUPER excited! When I'm feeling down or like I don't want to work out, I visit Maci and she motivates me! She looks me square in the face and tells me if I'm ever going to fit in her jeans, I had better get my butt moving!

Okay, before you all think I'm crazy or you start to loose interest, think about this as well: How many of you have ever started hanging around a super cute, thin person all the time and the next thing you know, you find yourself loosing weight and making healthier choices? It's happened to me a couple of times. And the reverse is true also. When you're always hanging around people that are bigger then you, you think I'm not too fat and so you feel more comfortable eating MORE! It's true! BELIEVE ME! And the key to Maci is that because she's a full mannequin set up and looking good (not just a hanger) I am able to VISUALIZE myself!

Now me and Maci have a plan. We had a good heart to heart (yes, I'm sure she has a heart now in that plastered chest of hers) talk yesterday and she made it clear to me what I need to do to fit into her jeans one day. I will share later what our plan is but I have to get going right now because it's Labor Day and I'm taking my son to the parade here in town and I have to go jump on my treadmill and workout before we go! Hope you all have a great holiday today and enjoy a Monday of NO work!!

Kick in the Butt Motivation from a Mannequin?

2009-09-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this blog because I'm super excited about the recent motivation that I got to finally start working out and hopefully start loosing weight. I haven't felt motivated for YEARS, I mean, truly motivated, as in something deep inside that I feel like- "this is it! I know I will do it this time!" But ever since last week when a mannequin arrived in pieces in a box on my front door and I put her tiny, perfect size 5 body together and dressed her in super cute little jeans (size 5), I have felt a new sense of motivation, excitement, and a feeling like I know I'm going to do it this time once and for all and no one or nothing will stand in my way!! It's hard to explain and I'm a little confused about the emotional kick in the butt she has given me, so that is why I want to listen closely to this perfect skinny bitch and see if she really has what it takes to whip me into shape!

No, I didn't order a mannequin online for this purpose. I ordered her for a little fun side business my sister Jennie and I are starting up. We are selling some Black Friday apparel and needed her to model it for us at the Women's Expo next weekend. That is what got me online two weeks ago researching the best price for a mannequin, not the fact that I am a 32 year old, overweight mom of one who has been married for almost 12 years now and has not been thin for about 10 of them. Don't worry, I will go into a brief history of my weightloss battles so that you are all caught up as to why on earth I think this mannequin might finally be the motivation I need. But for now, know this: I have just started jogging again (something I haven't even attempted since before I was pregnant) and have done it three days in a row, including today which is Sunday and a day I have strictly reserved in the past a NO workout day, and I can hardly wait until tommorow to jog again. I have also quit drinking sugary soda (a little treat that I like to indulge in along with all my other little treats) and I find healthier little choices sneaking out of my food decisions every day without me even realizing it! And trust me, I DO NOT believe in diets! Let me repeat: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIETS!! I have seen WAY too many of my close friends and family members roller coaster so much over my lifetime by dieting. That is the reason I thought I would just accept myself the way I am and be happy (okay, somewhat) with myself by at least eating what I want, then put myself through the misery of loosing a bunch of weight, only to regain it all back in a short time (and usually then some) and be right back to where I started; only hungrier and able to eat even less without gaining weight! Come on people, like Weight Watchers themselves have been preaching lately: DIETS DON'T WORK!! So how am I going to loose the 60 pounds that I know deep in my sole now is going to happen without dieting? Oh, I know the way, and so does Maci (that's what I named her by-the-way) and together we're going to do it! I will blog about this process and the day will come when I will steal her jeans right off of her and slide them onto my body! And that will be the day, my fellow overweight bloggers, that you will be all online ordering your own mannequins to start kicking your butts into shape!!