Tissue Please...

I don't know what my problem is this past week but I have felt very frustrated and unmotivated. I started out last week feeling pretty good. I wrote my goals for the week down on my board, started out running every day and really had some high hopes in making it a great week and one that really counted.

Well by the time Friday arrived I didn't run. I just didn't feel like it. And normally when I don't feel like, I do it anyway. Then, I was going to run Saturday for sure. When Saturday came along, not only did I not feel like it, but I could have cared less on top of that. I just felt so down for some reason.

There was nothing in particular that happened to make me feel that way. I think the reason I did was because last week I decided to weigh every morning just to see if it made a difference in helping me to focus at all. Well I hadn't weighed in almost two weeks and I didn't feel at all like I had lost any weight, but I guess there's that little hope in me thinking that I might have. I mean, after all, I was running EVERY, SINGLE day for almost two months. You would think that that would have made some sort of difference.

Well when I stepped on the scale on Monday morning of last week and it showed two pounds HIGHER then when I started, that kind of got me down. I didn't let it get to me too much at first because I knew that the previous week was a bad one and that I had eaten a lot of crap that I shouldn't have. Good thing when I weighed again on Tuesday morning, it was at least back down the two pounds to what it previously was. Then I went on to weigh every single day through Friday and every single day showed the exact same number. And I was eating better and less then the previous week. I know because I was writing it all down. Needless to say, I was discouraged.

Yesterday was a new week, a fresh start. So you think I would have started it off right, right? Yeah, well, I didn't. Toby woke up at 5 am for some reason and when he wouldn't go back to sleep we finally got up and when downstairs. Of course he was really fussy all morning because he woke up too early and I felt SO down and depressed for some reason myself. Well being the Mom and adult, I of course can't burst into tears like I felt like doing. I was just trying to hold myself together and be happy for his sake but he was still so tired so I finally decided to take him back upstairs and try to get him back to sleep.

When we went up to my room and I turned off the lights and got in bed with him to lay him down, he started flipping out and throwing a big fit and crawled to the bottom of the bed while I lay at the top of the bed and burst into tears myself like a two year old. I couldn't help it! And I couldn't stop it for some reason! He even stopped crying because he was so stunned that I was crying and thought I might be kidding at first. When he crawled back to the top of the bed to see what my deal was, I tried like mad to pull myself together because I didn't want to alarm him. I told him I was okay and tried to stop crying but when you have a little sweet two year old give you a big hug and say "it's okay", it made me cry even harder! I was out of control!

Well, I finally pulled myself together, for his sake if nothing else, and I got in the shower and got ready for work while he played. Then I took him to Amy, said a prayer that I would have a better week and get a lot accomplished, and I went to the office.

Being at work helped me to take my mind off of everything and I was starting to feel a lot better. Then I got home yesterday and immediately started feeling that depressed feeling again that I hate! I decided to get on the phone and make a doctors appointment once and for all. I know my hormones are out of whack and I need to get on the same medication I was on before that fixes my pituitary so that I'll start having normal cycles again. I feel good knowing that that is set up. I go in this Monday.

This morning I woke up and have felt on the verge of tears all morning. Then I got an email from a friend saying her father was killed in a head on collision and that did it for me! I burst into tears again. It just breaks my heart! I just heard yesterday about another person I knew who's daughter had just died as well in a auto accident! You just never know when your time is up!

Anyway, I'm drinking coffee right now and Toby's eating breakfast. I'm really going to try to head downstairs here soon and get on my treadmill and get on track with that again. I also just got my Isagenix cleanse in the mail yesterday and will be starting the 9 day cleanse this Monday. I'm hoping that that will give me a little boost with weight loss and my health. Even though it's not easy to do, I really need to. And in looking back on the past week, I have decided I'm definitely NOT going to weigh every day. Once a week should be good for now.