Time to Get Real

Well, part of me doing this blog is to get real with myself and have some accountability for my actions. So I'm not going to lie, the last few days have been hard for me. I already said how we did the expo Friday and Saturday and then yesterday was mine and Robb's anniversary and it didn't help that he got me a big box of chocolates in the morning and then some ice cream to go with the brownies I made last night. But hey, I only ate a couple little chocolates all day and not as much ice cream or brownies as I would normally have had. And like I said before, I'm not dieting or cutting the good stuff out of my life, and there will be days when I may have more bad then good. It just all comes down to balance and portion control and activity.

I didn't work out yesterday because it was Sunday and that is the one day I call my "free day" since it is a day of rest. If I feel good and choose to jog on Sunday's then I will, but I just won't feel bad if I don't. I did, however, wake up this morning and hopped on my treadmill and jogged my mile and I have to say, it felt fantastic and I'm pretty sure that I'm already building up some endurance! I feel a lot better then when I started 11 days ago and I'm pretty sure my stomach is already shrinking a bit cuz my fat roll seems a little smaller already and I don't feel quite so uncomfortable in some of my jeans. That is great news but I'm still dreading this Friday (Sept. 18th) because that is the day that I promised myself I would step on that stinkin scale in my bathroom and get honest with myself as to where I truly stand. (Help!)

I did go in the front room and spend a few minutes with Maci tonight. I just kept trying to visualizing myself in her jeans and being that thin and I really do think she helps to keep me focused. It's like the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Like when you watch a movie with a really cute, skinny women in it and by the time you leave the theatre you are convinced that you're going to start working out and getting in shape and bla bla bla. Then you go home and get caught up with life again and the motivation that you got from the skinny women in the movie starts to fade away right along with your determination. Well that's how I feel but the difference is is when I start to loose my determination now, I go right in my front room where Maci is standing all cute and skinny and I start to feel that determination rise again and my focus starts to come back! I really think I could be onto something here. We'll see...

Okay, back to getting real with myself. Just like my "Scalephobia" syndrome. I also have not owned, nor have had any desire to own, a full length mirror in years. Yes, I said years. When I got to where I was avoiding mirrors in general at all cost (yes I still showered and did my hair and makeup everyday) it just didn't make sense to get one when we moved into our first house so I never bothered. Well my friends, this is all about change, facing my fears and getting real with myself so I have decided that I am going to go buy a full length mirror and hang it in my closet. It's time to not only face the insecurities I have about myself, but I'm also going to really try to start focusing on the things I like about my body as well. I want to start facing myself in a full length mirror in my own birthday suit and get to where I like what I see. So tomorrow I'm going to buy a full-length mirror and start getting to truly know the person that I see when I look into it again. I'm excited (okay, somewhat) because I've missed her and I know she's beautiful, inside and out!