And the scale is going DOWN!!

Where to even start?! The past ten days or so have been SO crazy, yet awesome, yet crazy, yet amazing! I feel like an addict who finally admitted and truly believed for the first time in my heart of hearts that I do have a problem with making food an idol in my life and that was the first step to truly starting the "healing and recovering" process. I know it sounds weird but although I thought I admitted it and had a problem, I found that I didn't really truly believe I did and it was stopping me from embracing the entire teachings of the Weighdown program completely. I kept going back and forth in my mind and justifying my overeating and love of food and trying to convince myself that that wasn't the problem and that my heart has changed quite a bit over the past few years so there was no way I still put food on a pedestal of any sort! Well because I wouldn't truly admit to myself that that WAS indeed the problem, God had to make it VERY clear to me and convict me of it so that there was NO question in my mind whatsoever as to whether or not this was the case. That is exactly what He did last week. I just completely got honest with God and once again, poured out my heart to Him on exactly why I was feeling and thinking the way I was. I no sooner got done praying to Him and I heard a voice in my head clearly that said to get my Bible. I did and I let it fall open and it opened right to the section about idols and the disasters that will occur as a result of following them. I felt so confirmed by everything I read that night but then again the next day I felt like I was thrown right back into confusion and doubt all over again. By that night my head was pounding and I was feeling SO frustrated! I again prayed to God and got out my bible and again let it fall open. This time it fell open to a completely different book in the bible then the night before but again it was all about the story of Moses and the Exodus. I thought, "that's weird...let's see if it happens again." I then opened it up to a completely different section and the exact page it fell on AGAIN was the story of the Exodus in a different book. I then had the audacity to still say to God, "okay, I will know without a doubt if I close my eyes and shuffle through my bible and it falls one more time on this story somehow, that this is really what your Will for me is". Well, let me just tell you, I am in the dessert for SURE and it's God's Will for my life right now. It fell open a FOURTH time to a different book in the bible but all about the Exodus and idol worship! I am just AMAZED at times how much God is really listening and it trying to get US to listen and TRUST Him! Furthermore I'm amazed how much HE really cares about speaking to little 'old me.

So that night I finally accepted and admitted and repented from the bottom of my heart for the first time for making food an idol and putting it before God and I went to bed and slept SO peacefully. Then the next morning I woke up and did my bible study and prayed and I asked God to please speak words of comfort to me this time through His word since the last FOUR times I let it fall open it was all about His wrath if I continued to follow my idol. I just felt like I needed to hear words of compassion and be reminded that He still loves me. It's funny but I literally felt like a child who had been scolded and then needed reassurance from their daddy that they were still loved. So I went and grabbed my bible and again flipped through it letting it stop wherever it landed just knowing that God would stop it on what He wanted me to read. Well once again I was blown away on the page it stopped on and here it is:

I will hear their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with Idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me. Hosea 12:9

I was so filled with love and awe for God that He is SO personal especially when we need Him to be and that day was amazing to me. That day was the first day that I was SO obedient in everything I ate and I really just tried to listen for His lead and guidance. Then the next morning I decided to weigh in. When I stepped on the scale it had gone UP on pound. My first reaction was anger and I felt like I wanted to "throw in the towel" and give up. Then I pictured Satan smiling and having his way and instead I gave it all back to God and prayed about it and went on to forget it and just trust in Him. Then the next morning I woke up and was not even planning to weigh at all. I was brushing my teeth and I literally heard a voice in my head tell me to step on the scale. I was like, "no way! I just did yesterday and was up a pound." thinking I must be hearing things. I got done brushing my teeth and heard it again really clearly this time saying again Step on the scale. So I did and I literally did a double-take because it was now down TWO pounds from the day before, which means I had lost another pound! I got off and back on to make sure that I wasn't seeing things and it was the same!! I was SO happy to see that extra pound gone because the scale hadn't budged at all for about three weeks!! So to sum up this ridiculously long post I just need to end with this verse because it popped in my head right when I got off the scale that morning:

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5