Re-Committed

I weighed last week and I had not lost a single pound. It's been almost a month and the scale hasn't gone down at all. Luckily it hasn't gone up either but there is no reason it wouldn't have gone down if I would have been keeping my focus where it needed to be and following some of the basic rules of Weighdown.

I was getting frustrated because I started to feel like food was having a pull on me again and that I was turning to it more and more. Then every time I would hit my "re-start" button to try to start fresh it wouldn't last, which was making me more frustrated and the more frustrated I was getting, the less I was focused and following the basics!

This past month has been really emotional for me and a lot of things from my past have been re-surfacing because I asked God to heal my heart completely and make it whole again. Well in order for Him to do that, He has had to stir things up a bit and bring things to the surface so that I could invite Him into those deep areas in my heart that needed healing. Through this entire process I have learned how much I still run to food for comfort or when I'm feeling anxious. I should be turning to God completely for that. Here I was bragging because I literally felt like I had just about made it to the "Promised Land" with my eating habits and I really didn't think food had any pull on me anymore, but then the second things got stirred up a bit, where did I turn? To my first love and idol; food. I am ashamed at that. God has showed me from this past month that no matter what I am feeling, and especially when I'm feeling emotional, that is when He wants me to turn to Him the most and lean on Him and trust Him to comfort me and sooth my fears and insecurities.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Notice how the bible says to trust in the Lord with ALL our hearts and to acknowledge Him in ALL our ways?! Well I definitely was not doing that and when things got a little murky, I ran instead to what I knew would bring me temporary comfort- food.

The problem with running to food is the comfort it gives doesn't even last past the first bite before the guilt sets in. When I run to God, not only does it last more then a moment, it lasts a lifetime. It even goes beyond my lifetime because I will also be setting an example for Toby that will last his lifetime as well. God does not need anything from us but asks only that we obey Him and love Him and put Him first above all else!

The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity-in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground.
Deuteronomy 28:11, 13-14

So do I want to run to my old love of food and continue to be miserable and get nothing back in return, or do I want to run to God for everything and have Him pour out His never ending love and blessings on me for eternity?! It seems so simple, yet the problem is that Satan is constantly on the attack and looking for ways to destroy it and get me to turn away from God. That is why I need to remember to put on the full armour of God DAILY and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around me!

So today I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for turning to food and I have re-committed to start fresh and go back to the basics that I learned in the beginning and the things that were really helping me from the start:

1. NO GROWL- NO CHEWING
2. SMALL SMALL SMALL AMOUNTS
3. When I am feeling anxious and find myself reaching for food I will grab my bible instead and "chew" on it.
4. PRAY PRAY PRAY for the strength that I need every moment to resist Satan's temptations and plans to hold me back and distract me!
5. Sart the listening to the Breakthrough cd's again to be reminded of the basics and to help keep me focused.
6. Continue to weigh once a week on Thursdays and continue my blog.
7. Get back on the Weighdown website chat rooms and stay in contact with the women that are also with me in the "desert".
8. Read the Weighdown Chronicles every day for inspiration.
9. Read the Rise Above book again. (That really helped to keep me focused)
10. Read at least one success story a day from the Weighdown website

I feel excited and focused and ready to let God lead me again!

Fine Tuning

Well I'm not going to lie. The last two weeks I've really been struggling again with eating and it's been frustrating!! I had been doing really well and really felt like that desire to eat when I wasn't hungry was gone but the last two weeks I've been having to pray for strength more then ever for some reason and I didn't even weigh on Thursday because I was afraid to. I don't feel like I've gained any weight but I definitely don't feel like I've lost any either. I haven't been binging or anything like that but I just felt like I've been eating more at mealtimes and sometimes I don't always wait until I'm totally hungry, just barely hungry and it's been frustrating! I think it's just a big reminder though that I am not in control and that I need God every moment of every day and that when I start to loose focus I will start going backwards again and that is NOT where I ever want to go. I am going to weigh this Thursday again to see where I am to and I am really just trying to stay focused "up" right now and stay in God's will and boundaries. I have been reading from the Weighdown Chronicles every day and the one I just read really hit home with me right now. Here is only part of what it said but it hit the nail on the head for me:

In the beginning of our love relationship with God, we often don’t realize just how much He expects of us. At first He asks little, but as we grow and mature, we face more choices about just how much of ourselves we are willing to give to Him. Just as a parent has to re-direct and discipline a child for his own good, God must do the same with us. We simply can’t have everything we think we want! The world will continue to distract us and beg for our attention, but God remains constant in that only HE can provide us with everything we need.

SO true so I'm staying tuned in to what else He is trying to teach me because I know He is going to keep fine tuning me until I am completely His and His alone with no other stronghold or idols!