Scalephobia

Just got upstairs from working out on my treadmill and it's 9 pm. Me and Jennie had to go set up for the Women's Expo bright and early so I didn't have time this morning but SWORE no matter what time Toby finally was asleep, that I would get down there, and I did. Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!! I don't know what the deal was tonight but I started jogging and after only two laps my chest hurt really bad, almost like heartburn, but not really. I got off and got a quick drink and then got back on and had to walk one of the laps but I finished the last one off with a bang and ran it all the way! When me and Jennie went out to lunch today, we split a meal and it was just the right amount. We talked about how we need to start doing that all the time because not only will it save us calories, it will save us money as well. Then on the way home we did NOT stop and get an ice cream (something we got in the habit of doing) either!

Okay, I had an idea to jump start me. About four years ago I was introduced to a little health cleanse called Isagenix. I watched the little DVD that showed healthy verses unhealthy blood cells and was convinced right then and there that I needed to cleanse. It was a nine day program where you drank the shakes and mineral crap and then ate these disgusting, chalky little tablets but I have to admit, I lost a few pounds but it was my energy level that went through the roof when I was done and I really felt GREAT! And it was shortly after that that I got pregnant too (something I hadn't done in over 9 years of having sex). Was is coincidence? Who knows. The bottom line is that I felt great and like I said before, I think cleansing can be a really good thing for your body and health if it's done right. Bla bla bla, my point is is that as soon as I get a little bit of extra money I'm going to get the program and do the 9 day cleanse to try to give me a little "jump start" into weight loss and feeling great. I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime, I need to talk about a little problem I have that I have to overcome if I'm going to know where I stand weight-wise and know my true progression. It's called "Scalephobia", well that's at least what I call it. Definition: Fear of standing on the scale. I have it, and BIG time. For so many years I felt like the happiness of my day was either made or broke by what the scale told me I weighed that morning. Then finally I got to the point where I literally decided I wasn't going to get on it anymore and just try to be happy. Then there came a time that it had been so long that I hadn't weighed and I knew when I had to I would probably get so depressed about what the scale showed that in desperation I would start trying to diet. That would then lead me to eat even more and yes, gain more weight. It's a VISCIOUS cycle and one I refuse to ever go back to. Bottom line is that I pretty much banned the scale from my life and after so long of not getting on it, I was terrified to do so.

Well, I had to face my fears when I got pregnant. All you mommies know, there is no getting around NOT getting on the scale every single time you visited the doctor! I remember my very first pre-natal appointment so well because I couldn't even let myself get too excited because I was way too frightened of what that god-forsaken scale was going to show when I stepped my giant butt up on it. Furthermore, my husband Robb was there too and throughout our entire marriage I had REFUSED to ever tell him my weight. There were times he even begged and told me that he just didn't understand why I was so weird about it and would never tell him and that I was his wife and bla bla bla but no matter how much he pressed to know, it was TOP SECRET. And for good reason.

Anyway, I anxiously waited for what I knew was coming and sure enough, the nurse barely even said hi before she led me straight to the big, metal scale from hell. I immediately took off my shoes and told her to make sure she deducted at least two pounds for my clothes as well. Well, there it was, the number that I had dreaded hearing for years but knew someday I would have to face. I was frantically calculating in my mind what a full-term pregnancy would add onto that and I think I may have blacked out for a moment at the figure. Just kidding. I didn't. I got over it and thought to myself, I'm just going to be careful, continue to walk every day, and enjoy my pregnancy and not stress about it because that wouldn't be good for the baby and I knew that was the most important thing, not my weight. Well luckily during my pregnancy I miraculously only gained a total of 9 pounds (7 which was the baby) so I got off easy and had a beautiful healthy baby boy. I guess when you're body is already 50 pounds overweight and you get pregnant, it already has all the fat it needs and then some so I was good.

My point to all of this is that my baby boy is now two years old and the last time I stepped on a scale was my post natal 6 week visit to the doctor. Now I will NEVER go back to weighing myself all the time but I do want to weigh to see where I stand now and then be able to track my progress. I know that's important and can also be motivation to keep going. I think weighing once ever two weeks is what I want to start doing, but I'm just SO scared to take that first step (right onto the scale from hell). So my plan is: I'm going to wait until next Friday (Sept. 18th) to do it. That way I figure I can at least possibly loose a couple of pounds before then and it might not be too bad. We'll see. I just about start hyperventilating when I think about it. Help!!