Tissue Please...

I don't know what my problem is this past week but I have felt very frustrated and unmotivated. I started out last week feeling pretty good. I wrote my goals for the week down on my board, started out running every day and really had some high hopes in making it a great week and one that really counted.

Well by the time Friday arrived I didn't run. I just didn't feel like it. And normally when I don't feel like, I do it anyway. Then, I was going to run Saturday for sure. When Saturday came along, not only did I not feel like it, but I could have cared less on top of that. I just felt so down for some reason.

There was nothing in particular that happened to make me feel that way. I think the reason I did was because last week I decided to weigh every morning just to see if it made a difference in helping me to focus at all. Well I hadn't weighed in almost two weeks and I didn't feel at all like I had lost any weight, but I guess there's that little hope in me thinking that I might have. I mean, after all, I was running EVERY, SINGLE day for almost two months. You would think that that would have made some sort of difference.

Well when I stepped on the scale on Monday morning of last week and it showed two pounds HIGHER then when I started, that kind of got me down. I didn't let it get to me too much at first because I knew that the previous week was a bad one and that I had eaten a lot of crap that I shouldn't have. Good thing when I weighed again on Tuesday morning, it was at least back down the two pounds to what it previously was. Then I went on to weigh every single day through Friday and every single day showed the exact same number. And I was eating better and less then the previous week. I know because I was writing it all down. Needless to say, I was discouraged.

Yesterday was a new week, a fresh start. So you think I would have started it off right, right? Yeah, well, I didn't. Toby woke up at 5 am for some reason and when he wouldn't go back to sleep we finally got up and when downstairs. Of course he was really fussy all morning because he woke up too early and I felt SO down and depressed for some reason myself. Well being the Mom and adult, I of course can't burst into tears like I felt like doing. I was just trying to hold myself together and be happy for his sake but he was still so tired so I finally decided to take him back upstairs and try to get him back to sleep.

When we went up to my room and I turned off the lights and got in bed with him to lay him down, he started flipping out and throwing a big fit and crawled to the bottom of the bed while I lay at the top of the bed and burst into tears myself like a two year old. I couldn't help it! And I couldn't stop it for some reason! He even stopped crying because he was so stunned that I was crying and thought I might be kidding at first. When he crawled back to the top of the bed to see what my deal was, I tried like mad to pull myself together because I didn't want to alarm him. I told him I was okay and tried to stop crying but when you have a little sweet two year old give you a big hug and say "it's okay", it made me cry even harder! I was out of control!

Well, I finally pulled myself together, for his sake if nothing else, and I got in the shower and got ready for work while he played. Then I took him to Amy, said a prayer that I would have a better week and get a lot accomplished, and I went to the office.

Being at work helped me to take my mind off of everything and I was starting to feel a lot better. Then I got home yesterday and immediately started feeling that depressed feeling again that I hate! I decided to get on the phone and make a doctors appointment once and for all. I know my hormones are out of whack and I need to get on the same medication I was on before that fixes my pituitary so that I'll start having normal cycles again. I feel good knowing that that is set up. I go in this Monday.

This morning I woke up and have felt on the verge of tears all morning. Then I got an email from a friend saying her father was killed in a head on collision and that did it for me! I burst into tears again. It just breaks my heart! I just heard yesterday about another person I knew who's daughter had just died as well in a auto accident! You just never know when your time is up!

Anyway, I'm drinking coffee right now and Toby's eating breakfast. I'm really going to try to head downstairs here soon and get on my treadmill and get on track with that again. I also just got my Isagenix cleanse in the mail yesterday and will be starting the 9 day cleanse this Monday. I'm hoping that that will give me a little boost with weight loss and my health. Even though it's not easy to do, I really need to. And in looking back on the past week, I have decided I'm definitely NOT going to weigh every day. Once a week should be good for now.

WOW! What a difference it makes...

This past week has been an eye opener for me for a couple of reasons:

1- I started the week off by writing out my goals for just this week in a place where I saw them every day

2- I started keeping the food journal that I've been saying I was going to do

Okay, to start with #1. Writing out my goals. WOW! What a difference that made in my week to help me stay focused! What I did was I have a big white board hanging on my basement wall where my treadmill is that's been there forever. I decided to write my long term weight loss goals on it and then I also wrote my goals for just the week as well. I then wrote in big letters all over it, my goal weight (125) and "I AM A RUNNER" all over it. Like the Secret and most motivational programs teach, you have to Believe it if you want to Achieve it and part of starting to do that is to write it down in places you'll see it and read it all the time and it can be on the forefront of your mind everyday. Well I've always talked about doing that and knew it would probably help but WOW! Let me tell you, IT HELPS!!!

Every morning when I would go downstairs and get on my treadmill to run my mile, there- staring me in the face, were my goals. So when I was running and feeling good, I also got to review and concentrate on my goals as well. And having my goals for the week there kept me focused and reminded of what they were! Normally I, like most of you, would start off the week motivated and with really good intentions but by mid week I would get so wrapped up in life that the motivation and whatever my good intentions were, had completely worn off! BOY WAS THIS WEEK DIFFERENT! And it's all because I wrote it down and stayed FOCUSED! I'm excited about this (if you can't tell)!!! WRITE IT DOWN IN A PLACE YOU CAN SEE IT EVERY DAY!!! I just can't emphasize that enough!!

Okay, onto my #2 reason. The food journal. Again, I had read over and over again and heard by people I know that this can help. Just keeping a simple food journal of what you're eating every day. Well I've also in the past said I was going to do this but never did. Finally last week I bought a little notebook and started writing down what I ate. And because I had that on the white board as one of my weekly goals (Keep food Journal) I was reminded every morning to do it, so I did.

Let me just say this, when you know you have to write every little thing down that you put in your mouth, no matter how small, it makes you think twice before you eat that extra little cookie or buy that little mint truffle in the grocery line. I was honest with what I put down and I'm not going to lie, I noticed I eat a lot of crap that I don't need to be eating. Sugary stuff that PACKS on the extra calories! And Tabby was right, when you look back at all the crap you're eating, it kind of pisses you off! And it makes me want to eat better and make healthier choices. This is the only body I have and I want to stick around for a while. I have a lot of goals and dreams in this life that I want to live out and I need my health to do it.

Okay, aside from all of that, I'm also jogging my entire mile at a 5! When I started running it was taking me 13 minutes and 40 seconds to get through it. Now I am down to 12 minutes!! Yeah! I also ordered Isagenix yesterday and I'm going to do the 9 day cleanse when it gets here. I'm excited to do that too. Aside from being emotional for some odd reason, I'm feeling pretty excited. And I can't wait to write down my new goals for this week on my board too. It's given me new hope! And something to remember: "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever". Unfortunately...

I figured out Victoria's secret...

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff...

I went and walked around the mall Sunday with Toby in his stroller. I needed to get out of the house and it was raining so I thought, why not go to the mall where it's indoors and warm and where I can walk around in stores with cute clothes to inspire me? The first store I went into was Victoria's Secret. I browsed through all of there super sexy lingerie and tried to imagine myself in it. Needless to say, I'm not THAT imaginative.

So today is Monday. A clean slate, fresh start to a new week. A chance to make this week really count. I'm going to try to run my mile at a 5 the entire time, cut my portions in half and hopefully loose maybe two pounds by next Monday. I haven't weighed in a while and have been getting a little pre-occupied and off track a bit so I plan on weighing in this Friday as well. Then from there I'm going to start weighing every Friday. That's my plan. I'm also going to start writing down what I eat every day. I got a little notebook to do it. I also got some Green Tea pills that I started taking that are supposed to be really good and help boost my metabolism. We'll see. Good luck to all who are in the same boat as me; and trying not to sink it...

Bla Bla Bla...

I've been blogging and jogging now for just over a month and I'm excited. I started jogging a few days before I started the blog and I am now jogging my mile with ease and have upped my speed as well. I am also very faithful with doing it every morning of the week except Sunday. I've only missed maybe two other days from that. I started jogging at a slow 4.5 pace on my treadmill and a 1% incline and that was hard for me. I am now jogging half my mile at a 4.7 and the rest at a 5. When I first started, a 5 was way too hard for me and now it feels great! All-in-all I am feeling really good and I keep debating about whether or not to up my length or just stay at my mile and keep improving my speed and incline. I'm loving doing a mile every, single day because I know I will do it. I can always find 15 minutes a day to work out and don't have any excuses. In the past when I would say I was going to work out for a half hour or an hour and then didn't find the time, I would get frustrated and usually stop all together after a couple of weeks. Right now if I do a mile, every single day, I'm jogging 6 miles a week no matter what. I've also been researching and reading a lot about how good it is to workout 15 minutes a day and how much it can change your health and weight. I'm not sure what to do but right now I'm just sticking with the mile. That's what feels good and I know I can stick with. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. I think I'm also going to try an interval running that Amanda was telling me about that is a 12 minute run but apparently you go super fast and then slow and then fast (something like that) but it kicks your butt and is supposed to be equivalent to an hour long workout. I need to read the details still but it sounds good to me.

Anyhoo, Maci has been being completely ignored this past week. I thought I might be pregnant because I was feeling SO tired and unmotivated. Needless to say, the little pink line did not appear on the pee test and then I came down with a head cold, which explained it all. I just hadn't been feeling great and with the cold weather hitting us out of nowhere as well, all I've wanted to do is cuddle up in front of my fireplace with a good movie and do nothing. That's not all I've done, but that's all I've wanted to do. I have a really good plan though that I'm going to do with Maci soon that I know will keep me motivated. More to come... I just need to get feeling better and then I'll get back on track. Bla bla bla bla...I'm going to bed.