And the scale is going DOWN!!

Where to even start?! The past ten days or so have been SO crazy, yet awesome, yet crazy, yet amazing! I feel like an addict who finally admitted and truly believed for the first time in my heart of hearts that I do have a problem with making food an idol in my life and that was the first step to truly starting the "healing and recovering" process. I know it sounds weird but although I thought I admitted it and had a problem, I found that I didn't really truly believe I did and it was stopping me from embracing the entire teachings of the Weighdown program completely. I kept going back and forth in my mind and justifying my overeating and love of food and trying to convince myself that that wasn't the problem and that my heart has changed quite a bit over the past few years so there was no way I still put food on a pedestal of any sort! Well because I wouldn't truly admit to myself that that WAS indeed the problem, God had to make it VERY clear to me and convict me of it so that there was NO question in my mind whatsoever as to whether or not this was the case. That is exactly what He did last week. I just completely got honest with God and once again, poured out my heart to Him on exactly why I was feeling and thinking the way I was. I no sooner got done praying to Him and I heard a voice in my head clearly that said to get my Bible. I did and I let it fall open and it opened right to the section about idols and the disasters that will occur as a result of following them. I felt so confirmed by everything I read that night but then again the next day I felt like I was thrown right back into confusion and doubt all over again. By that night my head was pounding and I was feeling SO frustrated! I again prayed to God and got out my bible and again let it fall open. This time it fell open to a completely different book in the bible then the night before but again it was all about the story of Moses and the Exodus. I thought, "that's weird...let's see if it happens again." I then opened it up to a completely different section and the exact page it fell on AGAIN was the story of the Exodus in a different book. I then had the audacity to still say to God, "okay, I will know without a doubt if I close my eyes and shuffle through my bible and it falls one more time on this story somehow, that this is really what your Will for me is". Well, let me just tell you, I am in the dessert for SURE and it's God's Will for my life right now. It fell open a FOURTH time to a different book in the bible but all about the Exodus and idol worship! I am just AMAZED at times how much God is really listening and it trying to get US to listen and TRUST Him! Furthermore I'm amazed how much HE really cares about speaking to little 'old me.

So that night I finally accepted and admitted and repented from the bottom of my heart for the first time for making food an idol and putting it before God and I went to bed and slept SO peacefully. Then the next morning I woke up and did my bible study and prayed and I asked God to please speak words of comfort to me this time through His word since the last FOUR times I let it fall open it was all about His wrath if I continued to follow my idol. I just felt like I needed to hear words of compassion and be reminded that He still loves me. It's funny but I literally felt like a child who had been scolded and then needed reassurance from their daddy that they were still loved. So I went and grabbed my bible and again flipped through it letting it stop wherever it landed just knowing that God would stop it on what He wanted me to read. Well once again I was blown away on the page it stopped on and here it is:

I will hear their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with Idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me. Hosea 12:9

I was so filled with love and awe for God that He is SO personal especially when we need Him to be and that day was amazing to me. That day was the first day that I was SO obedient in everything I ate and I really just tried to listen for His lead and guidance. Then the next morning I decided to weigh in. When I stepped on the scale it had gone UP on pound. My first reaction was anger and I felt like I wanted to "throw in the towel" and give up. Then I pictured Satan smiling and having his way and instead I gave it all back to God and prayed about it and went on to forget it and just trust in Him. Then the next morning I woke up and was not even planning to weigh at all. I was brushing my teeth and I literally heard a voice in my head tell me to step on the scale. I was like, "no way! I just did yesterday and was up a pound." thinking I must be hearing things. I got done brushing my teeth and heard it again really clearly this time saying again Step on the scale. So I did and I literally did a double-take because it was now down TWO pounds from the day before, which means I had lost another pound! I got off and back on to make sure that I wasn't seeing things and it was the same!! I was SO happy to see that extra pound gone because the scale hadn't budged at all for about three weeks!! So to sum up this ridiculously long post I just need to end with this verse because it popped in my head right when I got off the scale that morning:

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

The Pearl Necklace

A cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess-- the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
" Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And, when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of beautiful genuine pearls. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
Question- what imitations are we holding onto that stops us from receiving God's genuine treasures?
Author Unknown

A women from the Weighdown message boards shared this story with everyone and I had to post it because it really hit home with me. I know God is just wanting me to "let go" and give up total control to Him because He has something so much better in store for me. I just have to trust Him and let go of my own dollar store pearls that I've been hanging onto so tightly and allow Him to replace them with beautiful, real ones.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:34

Putting on the Armor of God

And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game." And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance. Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten pounds. And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?" And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

Okay, I had to post that little story that I read. I thought it was funny, yet SO true in what we're trying to learn here. Good things come from God yet Satan is always there trying to tempt us and use it against us and turn it into evil because he wants to destroy us, our marriages and families and ultimately our lives. That is why we need to put on our Godly armor everyday and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around us.

Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils' schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-12

Rumbly in my Tumbly

Okay, Pooh Bear is going to be my reminder this week to wait until a GROWL or as he would say "Rumbly in my Tumbly" until I eat anything! I've found that a lot of times when I eat I am feeling hungry but I know I could wait longer and I don't always wait until my stomach is growling before I eat and although I'm eating less I'm not letting my stomach completely empty out before I eat again. That is so important to see weight loss. So my theme song/reminder this week is good 'ol Pooh Bear: "I'm so rumbly in my tumbly time for something sweet!"

Jesus loves me this I know...

So Thursday was my weigh in day and I prayed about it before I did it because I didn't want the outcome of whether or not I had lost any weight to in any way affect the path that I'm on. I weighed and I had lost almost 1/2 pound (my scale is digital). My first reaction was, "okay, well at least it something" considering I had not had a great week but I'm not going to lie, I was a bit disappointed at first. The good news is is that the disappointment didn't last. The more I started thinking about this past four weeks I got more and more excited about what I've been through and how much I have accomplished emotionally, physically and most importantly-spiritually! Here is a summary of things I am SO happy about from this past month:

1) I've lost just about 5 pounds!!! That's something I had not done after four straight months of jogging almost every single day faithfully. That is also without dieting of any form. I did not count a calorie, look at a label, take a diet pill or stress about trying to squeeze a workout in my day somewhere. I was freed from even thinking about any of that!

2) I am eating A LOT less food every day and thus I feel like I have more energy because of it and I can tell my stomach has shrunk as well because I've been cutting most of my portions almost in half. I've also noticed that when I first started doing this I would eat and still feel hungry and it was really hard not to eat more. Now I've noticed that most of the time not only is it enough, the old portions that I used to eat are starting to seem like WAY to much food now! That is awesome to me!! A breakthrough for sure!

3) Above anything else that has happened this past month I am most excited about what God has shown me. During this time of emotional vulnerability God has used it to draw me closer to Him! A few years ago I read my bible from cover to cover but I hardly took anything out of it. I've often thought that I would open it up more if I thought there was something specific God was trying to show me but every time I did nothing really spoke to me. Well let me tell you my friends, God has changed all of that. I feel like every time I open it up verses are jumping off the pages at me and I feel like God is speaking to me personally through it! Like I've said in my previous post, He is also speaking to me through music and people and prayers and all in all I feel SO overwhelmed with His love for me right now! He is taking all of the time that I used to use thinking about food and working out and dieting and He is filling it up with HIM, His love and His truths and I've said it before but I will say it again; "My cup runneth over!!!" That's how I feel right now after I sum up this first month! I'm a work in process and I can't wait to see what He has to show me this next month! I LOVE you Jesus! THANKS for everything!!! :)

...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37: 3-6

He demands all of us

Whew! Where do I even start?! This past week has been a very emotional one for me and looking back on the last few days I can now see exactly why I went through the emotions I did and how God has used that already to draw closer to Him!

I have been getting on the Weighdown message boards every day and connecting with the women there and that has been amazing to me. To talk with other women who are going through exactly what I am and to be able to vent and get feedback and encouragement has been exactly what I needed. Last weekend when I prayed to God and told him that I just didn't feel connected anywhere and really felt like I needed to be, he immediately answered my prayers by taking me there. I also got an invite from a women from my church to join a women's bible study. I knew that too came straight from God. Yesterday was the first day I was going to it and I almost let Satan have his way by not going but I just felt such a push to go so I got up, jumped in the shower and got ready in record time. I was glad I made it too because the study they're doing is called He Speaks to Me and everything it is teaching is right in line with what Weighdown is also teaching. Here is a paragraph from this weeks lesson:

To move into the calling the Lord has for us, we must willingly leave some things behind. God will not share our time and attention with other gods. Anything or anybody that receives more of my worship than God does is an idol, including tv, books the internet or even a relationship. Even necessary and good things like food and sleep can become idols if they become more important than God. God will not share us with anything or anyone that takes our eyes off of Him. He demands all of us.

So was it a coincidence that I made it there? I think not! I am SO excited to add this bible study to what I'm already studying. Furthermore, I'm looking forward to also make some connections with the women there as well, which I know God wants me to do. God has been desperately trying to just get me to BE STILL so He can tell me and show me what He has planned for me! Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I'm trying not to worry about it. That's hard to do, but I don't want that to be my focus at all. Here are a couple of verses that really spoke to me the last few days:

Be still, and know that I am God...Psalm 47:10

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Psalm 34:17

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires...For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:12,14

Tips to Remember

1) When I am not hungry and want to eat anyway, run to God! Open His word. How exciting to think that this will allow me to draw closer to the Lord!

2) Wait ALL THE WAY TO A GROWL. When we don't wait for hunger we don't burn off all the food or ANY excess weight and can possibly gain weight. If I wait to a GROWL I can be burning excess weight each time!!

So then, let us not be like others who are asleep but let us be alert and self-controlled. 1Thessalonians 5:6

Divine Pruning

This past week has been very emotionally draining for me but also AMAZING! There have been some hurts from may past that have been re-surfacing for some reason and I finally just got really honest with God and poured my heart out to Him. The first day I prayed I was almost angry. Not at God, at the situation. He immediately started answering my prayers the very next day. It's a long story and kind of personal but let's just say, this past week He not only answered two specific prayers but He also showed me over and over how much He loves me. He spoke directly to me through people, songs and Bible verses this past week and I have never felt so vulnerable yet so loved all at the same time!

I didn't loose any weight this past week and yesterday I was down a bit from it but when I got honest with myself I only had myself to blame for that. I let some of the basic rules of Weighdown slip and wasn't as focused as I was the first two weeks. My hormones have been going crazy since my miscarriage and trying to get back to "normal" and let's just say, it hasn't always been fun.

I was in my car running some errands yesterday and I put in the audio and listened again and that was encouraging. I also got into my Breakthrough book and answered a lot of the questions in the lesson too. That also helped me to re-focus. I'm so excited too because I also got connected with a group of women on a message board on the Weighdown website and it was just what I was looking for. It's so encouraging to read what they are going through and their encouragements and be able to relate and have someone hold me accountable. I'm SO excited to have connected with them! So all in all, things are GREAT! God never ceases to amaze me! I am a work in process and He is doing some "Divine Pruning" on me right now and although it can be really emotionally hard at times, I know that I need to yield to it because it is for my own good and is because He love me!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me" John 15:1-2, 4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

Head Hunger Prayer

This is from a Weighdown Class. I'm posting it because I want to remember it:

When you feel an urge to eat and you are not hungry, it is hunger for God! Go to His Word! Do not hang out near food. Do not long for the food. Do not look for the food.

Pray, “God, clean up my mind.” Pray, “God, in the name of Jesus Christ, take away this nagging head hunger, this longing, and turn that back into a longing to be inside Your will and to have Your approval. Amen."

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:5