I was Blind but now I SEE!

I know it's been a while since I've blogged but I have good reasons! First off, I weighed myself the week before last and was down one more pound. That's make a total of 15 which still is an average of about a pound a week. I didn't weigh last week or this week because I've been so sidetracked with my good news:

Baby #2 is on the way!!

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited because we really wanted to get pregnant and once again I am blown away by how good God is to me!

When I had a miscarriage back in March I wasn't surprised at all. It's weird but when I found out I was pregnant then, I knew something wasn't right. I kept taking pregnancy tests and they kept coming out positive so finally after a few weeks I started to accept that maybe I was. Then I miscarried. At the time although I was a little bit sad, I wasn't worried because I knew that God's timing was perfect and that there must be a reason.

Now, looking back over the past few months, the reason was this; I had a LOT of spiritual growing and learning to do and a lot of past hurts in my marriage that I needed to face and let go of before we were ready to grow our family. God knew that.

What He revealed to me over the past few months just since then has blown my mind! I feel our marriage had a turning point that it has needed for a while and I feel closer to my husband now then I ever have. God has revealed SO much to me about Him, my relationships, and myself and I don't think I've ever in my life had such a spiritual awakening as I have the past few months. It's been hard at times but God brought me through it and I can see why every single thing He was showing me needed to be dealt with and re-surfaced. He wanted to be invited into those parts of my heart that needed healing and when I let Him in, HE HEALED THEM!! I feel like "I was blind and now I see!" WOW!! God is SO amazing when we can trust Him with ALL areas of our lives!

So last month I prayed to God and told Him that I felt like I was ready now to get pregnant but I trust His perfect timing and not my own. I told him how I felt, but left it up to His will. Well lo and behold, I conceived less then a week after I prayed that prayer! When I trust God with all areas of my life, I am free!! He is so awesome and continues to amaze me every day!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I had a great weekend and worked through a lot of what I was feeling and why and I actually feel really great today! I'm excited to be back on track and I really feel like God is taking care of everything, including me. Just like I thought, I'm coming out of it stronger and closer to Him then I was before! It's amazing to me how that happens!

I'm SO excited for fall and the beautiful days ahead and I decided I'm going to start decorating early this year so I can enjoy it longer. The colors have already started changing here on the mountains anyway, so why not? I remember my mom used to say every fall that it looks like God just took a big paint brush and painted our world with warm colors for us to enjoy!

I just read this quote today and really related:

"There is just something about knowing that my failures, hardships, mistakes, losses and pain have meaning. For me, that understanding eases some of the agony of life and encourages me to keep on keeping on."

Frustrated

My heart has felt heavy lately and I'm going through some personal things and have not felt much like blogging. I weighed on Friday and I had lost almost 1 pound since last week but I still am struggling a lot. I haven't been binging or eating a lot but I know I can wait longer to eat and I know I can eat less when I do. I've been turning to food with my insecurities and find myself snacking unnecessarily and it's been frustrating! I know that I need to be turning to God. I try, and I've been praying, but I feel drained and sad for some reason and I feel like God is testing me right now and I'm failing miserably which only makes me more sad and frustrated! I just feel sad and my heart feels heavy right now but I just keep giving it back to God and that's all I can do. I heard the other day that a lot of times before something awesome happens, we will experience more pain or trials so I'm holding onto that right now knowing that whatever is going on with me, God will use it for good or to draw me closer to Him in the long run.

I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45:5-6