Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

If you could please just let me wake up on Christmas morning and be 60 pounds thinner, that is all I want from you. I will even leave you extra yummy, gooey cookies, some carrots for Rudolph and a large glass of CHOCOLATE milk! And I promise if I wake up and I am 60 pounds thinner, I will strive to maintain by making healthier lifestyle choices and running every day. That's not too much to ask is it?! I've been extra good all year long after all...

XOXO,
Nicole

Okay, I know I haven't blogged for a while and it's mostly been from lack of motivation and partly because I just have been so busy with other stuff. I have a plan though, and I'm excited about it. First off though; Is it really December already?! I'm confused because I'm not sure we even had Halloween, much less Thanksgiving!

So I got a little book from my brother Chris called the Master Cleanse. Some people call it the Lemonade Diet. It was written quite a few years ago but is huge in Hollywood right now because of all the great benefits from it. Not only does the average person loose 2 pounds a day on it, but the health benefits from it are HUGE, not to mention that it makes a person look like they've lost ten years from their face when they're done. Chris did it and he got GREAT results and looked amazing when he was done. At least ten years younger! I've always believed that fasting and "cleansing" can be really healthy for you. My problem in the past is that I never did it right and therefore it turned out bad. You definitely have to do it the right way or it can backfire and cause major problems.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail right now, but my plan is to do it in January after the holidays are over with. I'm hoping it will jump start my weight loss plan and that I will feel so fantastic that it will motivate me to keep going and running and running some more until I have reached my goal weight once and for all. Google it. You'll be impressed..

In the meantime, I don't plan on stressing too much this month about things. I don't want to gain any weight this month either so I'm just going to really try to keep things under control, relax and enjoy the Christmas season, and then get serious in the new year...That's my plan stan..Merry Christmas to all, and to all a GOODNIGHT!

KEEP TRYING!!

I decided to wait and start my Isagenix cleanse after all of this moving and work was over with. I cleansed on Monday but was so tired and drained by the end of the day and I felt sick as a dog on top of it. Then I decided since this week is so chaotic with us moving out of our model and I had SO much to do that I need a lot of energy for, I am going to wait until we're done.

The last three days we have worked all day long moving and hauling stuff to the dump and back and forth to storage and bla bla bla...Needless to say, I literally have hardly stopped all week. We finally got everything ready yesterday for the garge sale that takes place tomorrow and Saturday so now today I will spend it getting caught up on my own house work and laundry since I will be working all weekend. But in the midst of everything, I have still been jogging and have been eating a lot better as well. I also saw the doctor on Monday and he had me do a blood test and put me on the medication I needed to get my hormones in line so hopefully I can get pregnant again someday. I'm also really excited about that because I think it also affects my weight loss when my hormones are out of whack so I'm hoping that it will all help. We'll see...I just keep singing the song I learned in junior high in my head and it sometimes helps...TWO-THREE-FOUR- "I'm not judged by the number of times I fail, TWO-THREE-FOUR, But by the number of times I succeed, TWO-THREE-FOUR, And the number of times that I succeed is in direct proportion, to the number of times I fail and KEEP TRYING!!" He he he...

Tissue Please...

I don't know what my problem is this past week but I have felt very frustrated and unmotivated. I started out last week feeling pretty good. I wrote my goals for the week down on my board, started out running every day and really had some high hopes in making it a great week and one that really counted.

Well by the time Friday arrived I didn't run. I just didn't feel like it. And normally when I don't feel like, I do it anyway. Then, I was going to run Saturday for sure. When Saturday came along, not only did I not feel like it, but I could have cared less on top of that. I just felt so down for some reason.

There was nothing in particular that happened to make me feel that way. I think the reason I did was because last week I decided to weigh every morning just to see if it made a difference in helping me to focus at all. Well I hadn't weighed in almost two weeks and I didn't feel at all like I had lost any weight, but I guess there's that little hope in me thinking that I might have. I mean, after all, I was running EVERY, SINGLE day for almost two months. You would think that that would have made some sort of difference.

Well when I stepped on the scale on Monday morning of last week and it showed two pounds HIGHER then when I started, that kind of got me down. I didn't let it get to me too much at first because I knew that the previous week was a bad one and that I had eaten a lot of crap that I shouldn't have. Good thing when I weighed again on Tuesday morning, it was at least back down the two pounds to what it previously was. Then I went on to weigh every single day through Friday and every single day showed the exact same number. And I was eating better and less then the previous week. I know because I was writing it all down. Needless to say, I was discouraged.

Yesterday was a new week, a fresh start. So you think I would have started it off right, right? Yeah, well, I didn't. Toby woke up at 5 am for some reason and when he wouldn't go back to sleep we finally got up and when downstairs. Of course he was really fussy all morning because he woke up too early and I felt SO down and depressed for some reason myself. Well being the Mom and adult, I of course can't burst into tears like I felt like doing. I was just trying to hold myself together and be happy for his sake but he was still so tired so I finally decided to take him back upstairs and try to get him back to sleep.

When we went up to my room and I turned off the lights and got in bed with him to lay him down, he started flipping out and throwing a big fit and crawled to the bottom of the bed while I lay at the top of the bed and burst into tears myself like a two year old. I couldn't help it! And I couldn't stop it for some reason! He even stopped crying because he was so stunned that I was crying and thought I might be kidding at first. When he crawled back to the top of the bed to see what my deal was, I tried like mad to pull myself together because I didn't want to alarm him. I told him I was okay and tried to stop crying but when you have a little sweet two year old give you a big hug and say "it's okay", it made me cry even harder! I was out of control!

Well, I finally pulled myself together, for his sake if nothing else, and I got in the shower and got ready for work while he played. Then I took him to Amy, said a prayer that I would have a better week and get a lot accomplished, and I went to the office.

Being at work helped me to take my mind off of everything and I was starting to feel a lot better. Then I got home yesterday and immediately started feeling that depressed feeling again that I hate! I decided to get on the phone and make a doctors appointment once and for all. I know my hormones are out of whack and I need to get on the same medication I was on before that fixes my pituitary so that I'll start having normal cycles again. I feel good knowing that that is set up. I go in this Monday.

This morning I woke up and have felt on the verge of tears all morning. Then I got an email from a friend saying her father was killed in a head on collision and that did it for me! I burst into tears again. It just breaks my heart! I just heard yesterday about another person I knew who's daughter had just died as well in a auto accident! You just never know when your time is up!

Anyway, I'm drinking coffee right now and Toby's eating breakfast. I'm really going to try to head downstairs here soon and get on my treadmill and get on track with that again. I also just got my Isagenix cleanse in the mail yesterday and will be starting the 9 day cleanse this Monday. I'm hoping that that will give me a little boost with weight loss and my health. Even though it's not easy to do, I really need to. And in looking back on the past week, I have decided I'm definitely NOT going to weigh every day. Once a week should be good for now.

WOW! What a difference it makes...

This past week has been an eye opener for me for a couple of reasons:

1- I started the week off by writing out my goals for just this week in a place where I saw them every day

2- I started keeping the food journal that I've been saying I was going to do

Okay, to start with #1. Writing out my goals. WOW! What a difference that made in my week to help me stay focused! What I did was I have a big white board hanging on my basement wall where my treadmill is that's been there forever. I decided to write my long term weight loss goals on it and then I also wrote my goals for just the week as well. I then wrote in big letters all over it, my goal weight (125) and "I AM A RUNNER" all over it. Like the Secret and most motivational programs teach, you have to Believe it if you want to Achieve it and part of starting to do that is to write it down in places you'll see it and read it all the time and it can be on the forefront of your mind everyday. Well I've always talked about doing that and knew it would probably help but WOW! Let me tell you, IT HELPS!!!

Every morning when I would go downstairs and get on my treadmill to run my mile, there- staring me in the face, were my goals. So when I was running and feeling good, I also got to review and concentrate on my goals as well. And having my goals for the week there kept me focused and reminded of what they were! Normally I, like most of you, would start off the week motivated and with really good intentions but by mid week I would get so wrapped up in life that the motivation and whatever my good intentions were, had completely worn off! BOY WAS THIS WEEK DIFFERENT! And it's all because I wrote it down and stayed FOCUSED! I'm excited about this (if you can't tell)!!! WRITE IT DOWN IN A PLACE YOU CAN SEE IT EVERY DAY!!! I just can't emphasize that enough!!

Okay, onto my #2 reason. The food journal. Again, I had read over and over again and heard by people I know that this can help. Just keeping a simple food journal of what you're eating every day. Well I've also in the past said I was going to do this but never did. Finally last week I bought a little notebook and started writing down what I ate. And because I had that on the white board as one of my weekly goals (Keep food Journal) I was reminded every morning to do it, so I did.

Let me just say this, when you know you have to write every little thing down that you put in your mouth, no matter how small, it makes you think twice before you eat that extra little cookie or buy that little mint truffle in the grocery line. I was honest with what I put down and I'm not going to lie, I noticed I eat a lot of crap that I don't need to be eating. Sugary stuff that PACKS on the extra calories! And Tabby was right, when you look back at all the crap you're eating, it kind of pisses you off! And it makes me want to eat better and make healthier choices. This is the only body I have and I want to stick around for a while. I have a lot of goals and dreams in this life that I want to live out and I need my health to do it.

Okay, aside from all of that, I'm also jogging my entire mile at a 5! When I started running it was taking me 13 minutes and 40 seconds to get through it. Now I am down to 12 minutes!! Yeah! I also ordered Isagenix yesterday and I'm going to do the 9 day cleanse when it gets here. I'm excited to do that too. Aside from being emotional for some odd reason, I'm feeling pretty excited. And I can't wait to write down my new goals for this week on my board too. It's given me new hope! And something to remember: "Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever". Unfortunately...

I figured out Victoria's secret...

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff...

I went and walked around the mall Sunday with Toby in his stroller. I needed to get out of the house and it was raining so I thought, why not go to the mall where it's indoors and warm and where I can walk around in stores with cute clothes to inspire me? The first store I went into was Victoria's Secret. I browsed through all of there super sexy lingerie and tried to imagine myself in it. Needless to say, I'm not THAT imaginative.

So today is Monday. A clean slate, fresh start to a new week. A chance to make this week really count. I'm going to try to run my mile at a 5 the entire time, cut my portions in half and hopefully loose maybe two pounds by next Monday. I haven't weighed in a while and have been getting a little pre-occupied and off track a bit so I plan on weighing in this Friday as well. Then from there I'm going to start weighing every Friday. That's my plan. I'm also going to start writing down what I eat every day. I got a little notebook to do it. I also got some Green Tea pills that I started taking that are supposed to be really good and help boost my metabolism. We'll see. Good luck to all who are in the same boat as me; and trying not to sink it...

Bla Bla Bla...

I've been blogging and jogging now for just over a month and I'm excited. I started jogging a few days before I started the blog and I am now jogging my mile with ease and have upped my speed as well. I am also very faithful with doing it every morning of the week except Sunday. I've only missed maybe two other days from that. I started jogging at a slow 4.5 pace on my treadmill and a 1% incline and that was hard for me. I am now jogging half my mile at a 4.7 and the rest at a 5. When I first started, a 5 was way too hard for me and now it feels great! All-in-all I am feeling really good and I keep debating about whether or not to up my length or just stay at my mile and keep improving my speed and incline. I'm loving doing a mile every, single day because I know I will do it. I can always find 15 minutes a day to work out and don't have any excuses. In the past when I would say I was going to work out for a half hour or an hour and then didn't find the time, I would get frustrated and usually stop all together after a couple of weeks. Right now if I do a mile, every single day, I'm jogging 6 miles a week no matter what. I've also been researching and reading a lot about how good it is to workout 15 minutes a day and how much it can change your health and weight. I'm not sure what to do but right now I'm just sticking with the mile. That's what feels good and I know I can stick with. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. I think I'm also going to try an interval running that Amanda was telling me about that is a 12 minute run but apparently you go super fast and then slow and then fast (something like that) but it kicks your butt and is supposed to be equivalent to an hour long workout. I need to read the details still but it sounds good to me.

Anyhoo, Maci has been being completely ignored this past week. I thought I might be pregnant because I was feeling SO tired and unmotivated. Needless to say, the little pink line did not appear on the pee test and then I came down with a head cold, which explained it all. I just hadn't been feeling great and with the cold weather hitting us out of nowhere as well, all I've wanted to do is cuddle up in front of my fireplace with a good movie and do nothing. That's not all I've done, but that's all I've wanted to do. I have a really good plan though that I'm going to do with Maci soon that I know will keep me motivated. More to come... I just need to get feeling better and then I'll get back on track. Bla bla bla bla...I'm going to bed.

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!! The TASTES of Fall!!

Today is the first rainy, cold wet day we've had since fall's began and all I can say is "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh". I LOVE it! It's dark and grey outside but still feels so warm and inviting because of all of the golden colors that are starting to appear everywhere you look. It's so beautiful and mysterious out there and makes you just want to cuddle up by the fire with a good book and savor every moment of it! I've got my house decorated for fall, the fireplace on, and a pumpkin spice candle lit in my kitchen. Is there any season more beautiful?

Well with fall comes all of the holidays that are right around the corner. With holidays comes all of the good, irresistible food that we all feel perfectly okay with eating because after all, "tis the season" right? RIGHT! It is the season. When it's cold outside it's only natural to want to make and eat warm, yummy food that not only warms the body, but the soul as well. It's comfort food and was in no way mistakenly named so. And I have always been one that loves to bake around the holidays and make all of the fun holiday treats right along with the rest of you.

I just want to say that in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with any of it. As a matter of fact, it's SO right! It's the time to be grateful that we all have warm houses and loving families to be with and that we are all so fortunate to have the good food to eat in the first place, let alone the good memories that come along with it. With all of that being said, there are plenty of ways to make it through the holiday season and to really enjoy it as well, without gaining holiday weight. It all comes down to portion control and movement. It's easy when it's cold outside to put off that workout routine and stay snuggled and warm underneath the blankets instead. It's also easy to hide some extra fat underneath the comfy sweatshirts and sweaters that we get to wear as well. But the thing that's NOT easy is when the holiday season is over and we have to look at ourselves again knowing that Spring is around the corner and we have to loose the weight that we packed on. That's the NOT fun part that we all dread. So here's my plan to still enjoy the holidays and all the warm, yummy treats that come along with it, but not the extra pounds:

1) KEEP JOGGING! Movement of any sort is SO important, especially in the months when we tend to move the least. I plan on always trying to be more active in my day to day routines and I'm going to get a little watch with a beeper on it that will go off each hour to remind me to get up and move around for a minute or two if I haven't already. (See previous post on Metabolism boosts).

2) PORTION CONTROL! There's nothing wrong with eating! It's the portions we eat that we have to pay attention to. Remember: Smaller portions lead to a smaller butt!!! It's not rocket science!

3) ONLY EAT WHEN HUNGRY! This means to wait until you're truly hungry to eat and plan meals accordingly. Also, if you do plan on having a dessert or a treat afterward, SAVE ROOM for it! Don't eat until your full and then try to squeeze in some dessert just because it sounds good. It's not even enjoyable, nor does it taste as good when you do that. So if I want dessert afterward, I'm going to stop eating before I feel satisfied to save the room for it.

4) DON'T EVER, EVER EAT UNTIL YOU ARE STUFFED! This is SO important not only to prevent weight gain but for your health as well. It's something I have practiced doing for a while now. You need to quit eating before you get to that stuffed, uncomfortable feeling. In order to be able to asses when that is, you need to SLOW down and enjoy the food. Put down your fork between bites, take sips of your water between bites and savor the food. Isn't that how it's supposed to be eaten anyhow?

I'm also going to try to continue to boost my metabolism in natural ways and I'm still going to do the Isagenix 9 day cleanse soon, probably this month, to give me a little energy boost as well. I'll keep you posted as to when and will blog about it of course. I also have a little experiement I'm going to try with Maci that I think might help to keep me motivated...More on that to come...

So get out there, enjoy all of the wonderful, fun things that come along with fall and the seasons and most importantly, HAVE FUN and take time to cherish the scents, the scenery and the TASTES! Ta ta for now. I'm off to bake some pumpkin bread...

A BREAKTHOUGH!!

Okay, so I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. Not to worry, I'm okay and everything is back on track. I got my chocolate fix, Aunt Flow never did visit (I know I should be relieved) and I apologized to Maci for the threats I made to her (see previous post). All in all, I feel really good today and am SO excited that I didn't let those negative voices get the best of me and kept up on my jogging at least.

Well this morning I woke up and mosied into the bathroom to brush my teeth as usual. I walked up to the bathroom sink and then literally stopped dead in my tracks. Was I seeing things or did my stomach look a little bit flatter and my waist a little bit more defined?! I couldn't even believe that it was noticeable enough to stop me dead in my tracks, espcially when I wasn't even looking for it! I just looked smaller in that area! I wasn't scheduled to weigh until this Friday but I was so excited that I thought, what the heck and took a deep breath and stepped onto the scale. Well I was disappointed briefly when the scale told me that I had only lost 1/2 pound since I last weighed (we have a digital one) but it didn't last because I know without a doubt that I have lost inches! Everyone always tells you when you start a work out program to not get too discouraged if the numbers on the scale don't go down right away because you're gaining muscle and bla bla bla... I already know that but either way, of course we all want to see the scale numbers going down! Well I'm still super excited now because I could see with my own eyes the inches going away and if it was noticeable enough for me to notice without even looking then all I can say is: "Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP?!"

Chocolate? YES PLEASE!!!

Jogged my mile. Got some of my spring cleaning list done. Other than that, I ate like a big, giant rhinoceros today and quite frankly could care less! I felt ravenous and out of control and like I can't get enough chocolate into my diet. PMS? WHO THE HAY KNOWS! I wish Aunt Flow would just visit so maybe I would at least know why it is that I want to eat nothing but Extreme Mouse Tracks ice cream with chocolate syrup on top of it and crumbled chocolate on top of that and then chase it down with a big, giant glass of chocolate milk!

So I go in to say hi to Maci tonight hoping maybe seeing her might snap me out of this funk and get me back on track for tomorrow. Yep, seeing her there all skinny in those size 5 jeans did help to refocus me...for about one minute. Then I got all irritated at her big, white face and told her that I may have drank a glass of chocolate milk but she could just go ahead and drink a big, fat glass of "shut the hell up" and if she had a problem with it, I wouldn't hesitate to put her back into pieces and box her back up where she came from. Hopefully tomorow will be a better day. I do plan on finding some green tea gum to chew on so we'll see if that helps at all.

Tips to Boost Your Metabolism TODAY!!

Okay, so I've been trying to research the best ways to boost metabolism and jump start my energy and bla bla bla and I was reading a magazine and they had some really good tips in there that I am definitely going to start trying tomorrow. Of course the very next page was titled "Cheesecake Bliss", but that's for another day... So here's ways to slim up without hours of exercise a day because who on earth has the time?! Shut up Maci, you don't have to burn anything...

1) EAT BREAKFAST! Now I have heard this works before but this is saying that the more satisfying the breakfast is, the faster your metabolism hits its peak and filling up in the a.m. helps to nix future cravings as well. Interesting... Apparently breakfast eaters weigh up to 50% less on average than those who eat little or nothing and are 4.5 times less likely to be obese compared to those who skip it. Good news eh?

2) COFFEE! It says that the caffeine in just one cup of coffee delivers a 16% metabolism boost and drinking two to three cups a day halts emotional eating because coffee drinkers are 34% less likely to feel blue! NICE! Starbucks, here I come!

3) WORK OUT IN THE AM. Of course any time is better then no time, but people who work out in the a.m. are 90% more likely to stick to it than those who work out later.

4) COTTAGE CHEESE. This is loaded with protein and research shows folks who consume the most protein (especially dairy) have the speediest metabolisms and store up to 61% less fat!

5) GREEN TEA GUM. Green tea helps zap calories 43% faster than usual so instead of drinking five cups of tea you can simply pop two pieces, three times a day of gum infused with green-tea extract.

6) STAND UP. There are unique enzymes in your leg muscles and standing up is all it takes to activate them. Scientist found that getting up and moving around your office or home once an hour for just a couple minutes may have the same metabolism-boosting power as sweating for 60 minutes at the gym! WHAT?! Hold on, I'll be right back, need to stand up...

7) SLEEP. Of course we've all heard get more sleep...Apparently we need at least seven hours a night. It said women who slept five hours a night or less gained more weight than those who slept at least seven. (BTW, apparently aspirin can cause insomnia so don't take it before bed).

And here are some ways it suggested to melt fat faster then we ever thought possible:

1) FOOD LOG. Writing everything down really keeps you aware and accountable. (Okay, I will start that tommorow like I said)..

2) HOP ON SCALE. If you dare (read Scalephobia post). Apparently every two to three days. A study proved folks who weighed in daily lose 100% more than those on the exact same diet who didn't. WOW! I don't dare do it daily again but I'm considering doing it maybe once a week..We'll see..(deep breath).

There were of course some more tips like drink lots of water, get carb smart, yaddy yaddy yadda. Stuff we've all heard a thousand time. I just wanted to share the ones that I was surprised and impressed by.

Jogged my mile today and I really think today was the easiest time yet for me. I think that means I'm just about ready to up my length. I'm also going to start my food log like I had planned because as talked about above, it's supposed to help but it's late and I can't even remember everything I ate today so I will begining that tomorrow. So good night, sleep tight, I really really hope my double chin shrinks tonight...

Snowball Effect

Well I started this blog two weeks ago yesterday. It was then that I was SO excited because of the motivation and little "spark" of something unexplainable that I had gotten from Maci. I am VERY happy to report that after two weeks of blogging, not only has my motivation NOT worn off, it has began to get stronger and stronger and I have gotten more determined then ever that I was right. THIS IS IT! Maci is going to be my secret weapon to weight loss once and for all!

Like I said before, it's not going to be a real quick thing because I'm not dieting. I'm making healthier choices throughout my day and I'm a RUNNER now too! Yes, I'm still only running one mile per day, but I've done it almost every single day since I got her and instead of getting bored like I usually do or start thinking "what's the point" and talk myself out of the entire thing, I'm getting MORE excited! I'm starting to notice a little bit of a difference in my jeans and I think my face may look just a little bit less chunky and has just a tad more definition! I will weigh again on October 2nd to see if I have lost any weight but for now, that is good enough for me.

I was a little bit frustrated last week because I was feeling SO bloated and puffy everywhere and thought for sure I was PMS-ing but being as I haven't had Aunt Flow visit in almost three years, I thought that was unlikely. I knew it was probably hormonal either way so I stuck with it and I'm glad I did. My legs (especially my thighs) have been a little sore but it's that sore feeling that I like to feel. The feeling that says, "you've been working out and big rewards are going to come out of it." Because I'm jogging a mile a day, I am now jogging 6-7 miles per week which is something I was not doing before and trust me, my body is taking notice! I also feel like I have a lot more energy then before and just kind of have that "get up and go" feeling more often! All in all, I feel as though I am on the right track.

I try to run every morning and one of the main reasons I've hardly missed a day is because it only takes me a total of 15 minutes to do the entire mile with a short warm up and cool down and I always can find 15 minutes in the morning to do it. I just do it without even thinking about it and before I know it I'm done and going on with my day and feeling great because of it!

Like I said in my first couple of posts, I really think the power of positive thinking is such an important part of anyone loosing weight. I am trying to stay focused and positive and whenever I start to feel myself getting down or discouraged I immediately stop and change my thoughts and start thinking positive instead. I think that is SO important. It also has helped me SO SO much to hear positive feedback and encouragement from people following me who have said that I have inspired them to work out or start eating better. I feel an obligation now to not only not let myself down, but I don't want to let anyone else down either. Knowing I have inspired even one person is enough for me to keep going. It's a snowball effect that started with that skinny bitch who is always here to remind me of how I want to look and who I have grown to really appreciate! Thanks Maci...One day those jeans will be mine!

The Little Lies We Tell Ourselves

Well, I did it. I faced my fear of the scale this morning. I woke up and just did it before I chickened out or got too worked up thinking about it. When I got up the courage and stepped onto it, all it said was "keep running! keep running! For the love of everything holy, KEEP RUNNING!!!" Was it as scary as I had anticipated? YES! I didn't know scales could even talk! It scared the hell out of me! No really, it wasn't that bad. I weighed EXACTLY what I weighed at my first prenatal visit when I first found out I was pregnant. That's ten pounds more then the last time that I was weighed at my 6 week post natal visit. So basically I have gained TEN pounds in two years without even noticing. Sure I noticed when my jeans were getting a little bit tighter and my fingers felt a little swollen. And I guess I even noticed when I saw myself in pictures and my double chin looked a little bit bigger and more prominent then before. But the bottom line is that I just kept telling myself it was the angle of the picture or the lighting or I was just bloated and bla bla bla. The little lies we tell ourselves to make us feel just a little bit better about the the flat out fact that we have just GAINED WEIGHT and don't want to face up to it are ridiculous! Don't kid yourselves people! Just fess up and start doing something about it already! Buy that full length mirror (yes, I already did) and get honest with yourself!

Well, as scary as it was for me to face, I did it and now I feel really good that I did. It's like buying the full lenght mirror the other day and really looking at myself in it once and for all I feel like I have a fresh start, I know exactly where I stand now and I can just go from here. I'm going to start weighing myself every two weeks and tracking my progress from here. One step at a time...

Well in the meantime, Robb is gone out of town for ten days. Even though I miss him when he leaves and it can sometimes get lonely, I'm actually a little bit excited because that's enough time to loose a few pounds before he gets home. Usually when he's not here it's easier for me to loose weight anyway because I don't have to even worry about what to make for dinner and if I just want to eat a bowl of cereal then I'm good. I usually always eat less when he's not around to cook for. So here's my plan:
I want to loose 3-5 pounds by September 28th. I also decided that while he's gone to stay busy and keep distracted so I don't get bored and want to snack, I'm going to try to get all of my Spring cleaning done as well. Yes, I said Spring cleaning. I really want to get the list that's been on my fridge since spring, done before fall so I'm going to set a goal to have it done before he gets back. That should keep me busy and moving. I'm also going to decorate for fall sometime this week because it's one of my favorite times of the year. I love too how the crispness in the air just makes you want to get out and move so why not take advantage of it? So here's to getting stuff done, loosing some weight and the beautiful fall days ahead!!

Tomorrow I Face my Fears...

Well, tomorrow is the day I've been dreading for two weeks. Well actually, for two years now. I said how I haven't stepped on the scale since my 6 week post natal visit, which when I think about it was almost exactly two years ago to the day because Toby's been two now for about six weeks...Hmmmm...that's weird. Anyhoo, tomorrow morning after peeing and before putting on one ounce of clothes, I'm going to do it. Step on the scale and see that big, fat number staring me in the face that I just don't even want to know. I start to feel almost light-headed and like I'm going to hyperventilate just thinking about it (scalephobia)...Not fun. Not fun at all but I know it's important to know where I stand and start tracking it. I'm just going to weigh once every two weeks. It's time to face my fears so I've got to do it. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! I'll keep you posted on the terror!

I jogged my mile this morning. I almost didn't because Toby for some reason did not want me on the treadmill and kept crying for me to hold him but with much distraction I got him sidetracked long enough to get through it and made it the full mile. Whew! I've also the last two days upped my pace on one lap and it's taken almost 40 seconds off my mile. That means when I up the entire pace of the mile I'll be cutting off almost 2 1/2 minutes!

Today I ate a yogurt for breakfast with coffee and SUGAR FREE creamer. Lunch was a turkey sandwich and diet Pepsi and dinner was chicken tacos. I think I ate a couple little Sweedish Fish in there somewhere too and I had a twist cone on my way home from Springville. Not too bad... I wonder if I start to visualize the number on the scale that I want to see, if it will appear when I'm on it in the morning...We'll see...

I Am A RUNNER!!!

"I know of no single factor that more greatly affects our ability to perform than the image we have of ourselves".- Tim Gallwey

Well before I got pregnant with my son I had started to jog. It's funny cuz whenever I would tell people that I was jogging I always would follow it up with "well, I don't go very fast and it's definitely not running, just a jog." Well all of that's changed this time (just like my butt size is finally going to) because I am reading a book called The Complete Book of Running for Women and in it I learned that the definition of running is:

To move the legs quickly; the one foot being lifted before the other is set down so as to go at a faster pace than walking; to cover the ground, make one's way rapidly in this manner.

The entire chapter that I am reading right now is all about the power of positive thinking (something Maci is already helping me with). It's saying that it is important to see myself as a runner and I will feel more confident and more powerful which will in turn fuel my excitement for running. If I were to just say "I am a jogger", like I always used to, it makes me feel wimpish and not special in any way. When I say "I am a runner", I notice that it boosts my attitude and makes me feel proud! When you feel self confident, your train harder, become a better runner and eventually running regularly will be easy! It goes on further to also talk about visualization (something Maci is also helping me with) and picturing myself as a strong runner. So I need to start reaffirming myself with this so her goes:

"I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER! I AM A RUNNER!"

Yep, feel more like one already.

Well like I said, I went a bought a full length mirror today. I haven't yet had time to hang it but I plan on it tomorrow and as one of my followers recommended, I am going to put Maci up in the my closet in my bedroom where I dress every day right next to my full length mirror and see how that goes. Right now she's still in my front room.

I woke up and RAN this morning and it felt great. It is definitely already getting a little bit easier and I think by Monday I will be ready to add another 1/2 mile to my run. For dinner tonight I was really craving some good pasta to go with a red wine that I got but I didn't want something really heavy and fattening. I tried to call my sis Amanda for a good, light recipe but she didn't answer but then Jennie gave me one instead. It was really good. I sauteed garlic in olive oil and then chopped up banana squash, red and green peppers, broccoli and cherry tomatoes and cooked them for a little bit with the garlic and then mixed the entire thing with some bow tie pasta and added a bit of feta cheese. It was perfect. Not too heavy and loaded with good veggies. Furthermore it went great with the wine I choose.

So tomorrow I will hang my mirror and take a good, hard look at my(full)self in it. And only three more days until the big weigh in that I'm dreading. I've also decided that I'm going to start keeping a food log on here each day as well of every single thing that I eat. That way it holds me even more accountable because I won't want to write down that I've just eaten a bunch of crap and been a big fat pig for the day for everyone to see so I think it will help even more. Wish me luck...

Time to Get Real

Well, part of me doing this blog is to get real with myself and have some accountability for my actions. So I'm not going to lie, the last few days have been hard for me. I already said how we did the expo Friday and Saturday and then yesterday was mine and Robb's anniversary and it didn't help that he got me a big box of chocolates in the morning and then some ice cream to go with the brownies I made last night. But hey, I only ate a couple little chocolates all day and not as much ice cream or brownies as I would normally have had. And like I said before, I'm not dieting or cutting the good stuff out of my life, and there will be days when I may have more bad then good. It just all comes down to balance and portion control and activity.

I didn't work out yesterday because it was Sunday and that is the one day I call my "free day" since it is a day of rest. If I feel good and choose to jog on Sunday's then I will, but I just won't feel bad if I don't. I did, however, wake up this morning and hopped on my treadmill and jogged my mile and I have to say, it felt fantastic and I'm pretty sure that I'm already building up some endurance! I feel a lot better then when I started 11 days ago and I'm pretty sure my stomach is already shrinking a bit cuz my fat roll seems a little smaller already and I don't feel quite so uncomfortable in some of my jeans. That is great news but I'm still dreading this Friday (Sept. 18th) because that is the day that I promised myself I would step on that stinkin scale in my bathroom and get honest with myself as to where I truly stand. (Help!)

I did go in the front room and spend a few minutes with Maci tonight. I just kept trying to visualizing myself in her jeans and being that thin and I really do think she helps to keep me focused. It's like the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Like when you watch a movie with a really cute, skinny women in it and by the time you leave the theatre you are convinced that you're going to start working out and getting in shape and bla bla bla. Then you go home and get caught up with life again and the motivation that you got from the skinny women in the movie starts to fade away right along with your determination. Well that's how I feel but the difference is is when I start to loose my determination now, I go right in my front room where Maci is standing all cute and skinny and I start to feel that determination rise again and my focus starts to come back! I really think I could be onto something here. We'll see...

Okay, back to getting real with myself. Just like my "Scalephobia" syndrome. I also have not owned, nor have had any desire to own, a full length mirror in years. Yes, I said years. When I got to where I was avoiding mirrors in general at all cost (yes I still showered and did my hair and makeup everyday) it just didn't make sense to get one when we moved into our first house so I never bothered. Well my friends, this is all about change, facing my fears and getting real with myself so I have decided that I am going to go buy a full length mirror and hang it in my closet. It's time to not only face the insecurities I have about myself, but I'm also going to really try to start focusing on the things I like about my body as well. I want to start facing myself in a full length mirror in my own birthday suit and get to where I like what I see. So tomorrow I'm going to buy a full-length mirror and start getting to truly know the person that I see when I look into it again. I'm excited (okay, somewhat) because I've missed her and I know she's beautiful, inside and out!

I Just Chased the Ice Cream Man Down the Street

Well, okay, I really didn't. But I felt like it! I don't know what my deal is today but I have been craving ice cream all day! Don't worry, I didn't eat any. I would have, but I was never in a place that had it. My sister Jennie and I were at the Women's Expo all day Friday and today (Sat.) and I literally felt like all I did was eat crap from vendors. I did, however, still wake up this morning nice and early and jogged my mile before I even left. Yesterday was the first day I missed my mile in over a week and it was just becauase we had to leave so early to the expo to finish setting up and by the time I got home at almost 9 pm, all I wanted to do was snuggle with my baby boy and pass out, so I did. And that's okay that I missed a day. It will happen every now and again and the important thing is is that I got up this morning and jogged before I left so I wouldn't miss two days in a row.

Maci did a great job modeling our BFF apparel but having her right in the booth with me didn't stop me from eating the fudge that Jennie bought. I noticed when I get anxious or nervous, I like to eat. I'm going to be working on finding something else to do instead. Any ideas? I really don't want to be chasing the ice cream man down the street...

Scalephobia

Just got upstairs from working out on my treadmill and it's 9 pm. Me and Jennie had to go set up for the Women's Expo bright and early so I didn't have time this morning but SWORE no matter what time Toby finally was asleep, that I would get down there, and I did. Can I get a WHOOP WHOOP!! I don't know what the deal was tonight but I started jogging and after only two laps my chest hurt really bad, almost like heartburn, but not really. I got off and got a quick drink and then got back on and had to walk one of the laps but I finished the last one off with a bang and ran it all the way! When me and Jennie went out to lunch today, we split a meal and it was just the right amount. We talked about how we need to start doing that all the time because not only will it save us calories, it will save us money as well. Then on the way home we did NOT stop and get an ice cream (something we got in the habit of doing) either!

Okay, I had an idea to jump start me. About four years ago I was introduced to a little health cleanse called Isagenix. I watched the little DVD that showed healthy verses unhealthy blood cells and was convinced right then and there that I needed to cleanse. It was a nine day program where you drank the shakes and mineral crap and then ate these disgusting, chalky little tablets but I have to admit, I lost a few pounds but it was my energy level that went through the roof when I was done and I really felt GREAT! And it was shortly after that that I got pregnant too (something I hadn't done in over 9 years of having sex). Was is coincidence? Who knows. The bottom line is that I felt great and like I said before, I think cleansing can be a really good thing for your body and health if it's done right. Bla bla bla, my point is is that as soon as I get a little bit of extra money I'm going to get the program and do the 9 day cleanse to try to give me a little "jump start" into weight loss and feeling great. I'm looking forward to it.

In the meantime, I need to talk about a little problem I have that I have to overcome if I'm going to know where I stand weight-wise and know my true progression. It's called "Scalephobia", well that's at least what I call it. Definition: Fear of standing on the scale. I have it, and BIG time. For so many years I felt like the happiness of my day was either made or broke by what the scale told me I weighed that morning. Then finally I got to the point where I literally decided I wasn't going to get on it anymore and just try to be happy. Then there came a time that it had been so long that I hadn't weighed and I knew when I had to I would probably get so depressed about what the scale showed that in desperation I would start trying to diet. That would then lead me to eat even more and yes, gain more weight. It's a VISCIOUS cycle and one I refuse to ever go back to. Bottom line is that I pretty much banned the scale from my life and after so long of not getting on it, I was terrified to do so.

Well, I had to face my fears when I got pregnant. All you mommies know, there is no getting around NOT getting on the scale every single time you visited the doctor! I remember my very first pre-natal appointment so well because I couldn't even let myself get too excited because I was way too frightened of what that god-forsaken scale was going to show when I stepped my giant butt up on it. Furthermore, my husband Robb was there too and throughout our entire marriage I had REFUSED to ever tell him my weight. There were times he even begged and told me that he just didn't understand why I was so weird about it and would never tell him and that I was his wife and bla bla bla but no matter how much he pressed to know, it was TOP SECRET. And for good reason.

Anyway, I anxiously waited for what I knew was coming and sure enough, the nurse barely even said hi before she led me straight to the big, metal scale from hell. I immediately took off my shoes and told her to make sure she deducted at least two pounds for my clothes as well. Well, there it was, the number that I had dreaded hearing for years but knew someday I would have to face. I was frantically calculating in my mind what a full-term pregnancy would add onto that and I think I may have blacked out for a moment at the figure. Just kidding. I didn't. I got over it and thought to myself, I'm just going to be careful, continue to walk every day, and enjoy my pregnancy and not stress about it because that wouldn't be good for the baby and I knew that was the most important thing, not my weight. Well luckily during my pregnancy I miraculously only gained a total of 9 pounds (7 which was the baby) so I got off easy and had a beautiful healthy baby boy. I guess when you're body is already 50 pounds overweight and you get pregnant, it already has all the fat it needs and then some so I was good.

My point to all of this is that my baby boy is now two years old and the last time I stepped on a scale was my post natal 6 week visit to the doctor. Now I will NEVER go back to weighing myself all the time but I do want to weigh to see where I stand now and then be able to track my progress. I know that's important and can also be motivation to keep going. I think weighing once ever two weeks is what I want to start doing, but I'm just SO scared to take that first step (right onto the scale from hell). So my plan is: I'm going to wait until next Friday (Sept. 18th) to do it. That way I figure I can at least possibly loose a couple of pounds before then and it might not be too bad. We'll see. I just about start hyperventilating when I think about it. Help!!

Sooooo Tired!

Okay, well today was day six of me jogging and I'm not going to lie, it was tough for me this morning and I almost didn't go down there. I woke up in the middle of the night and tossed and turned for about an hour because I felt hungry because I had had such an early dinner so I finally went downstairs and ate a yogurt from the fridge then went back up to my room and tossed and turned for another hour before finally drifting into a deep sleep at 5 am only to have Toby wake me up at 6 am on the dot (his usual waking time). Needless to say, I was pretty tired. I just couldn't find it in me to go get on my treadmill but knew if I didn't do it before work, I probably never would. So I went in the front room where Maci was standing there all chipper and skinny in those damn size 5 jeans and it didn't take her long to convince me to get my butt down there and get it over with. And you know what she told me? She said "If Kate, who has 8 kids can still find an hour each day to work out and look great, then so can you!" I listened to her and was glad I did even though after I started it took all I had to make it the full mile! Once again, she was right and I felt great when I was done. Here are the things I did differently today from my normal days:



Jogged 1 mile
Sugar-free creamer for coffee
Did not snack between meals
Didn't drink any sugary soda
Ate half a bowl of ice cream instead of whole bowl tonight (hey, I needed the treat!, shut up Maci!)
I didn't get a treat to bring back to the office after lunch even when asked. I put my foot down and said NO!

All in all, I think I'm on the right track. It may take some time but I'm okay with that. Patience is my middle name right now and I learned that the faster you take off the weight, the faster you'll put it back on (and then some) so do it right so it STAYS OFF! Good night, sleep tight, maybe my butt will shrink tonight...he he he...

My struggles and new plan to loose the weight

If you're new here, please read my first two posts so that you're caught up as to why I think Maci is my secrete weapon to weightloss. Thanks!

Okay, so I said I would give you a background on my weight loss struggles and I will. I just don't want to bore you with all the details because the fact-of-the-matter is, almost every women out there has had to, at one time or another, deal with the ugly weight loss issues. That is why the weight loss industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. But here's a little inside to my personal struggles:

I was not an overweight kid and I never struggled with weight until I hit puberty and started going through that awkward, hormonal phase. It was a combination of that and I'm pretty sure the stress of my mom suffering from cancer, that I started to put on weight. From about the age of 13 to 16 is when I gained quite a bit. Again, I wasn't what you would look at as really heavy, just heavy for my age. Anyway, my mom died just before my 16th birthday and I went to live with my dad. I remember getting my drivers license and I was SO excited to drive because my mom left me her car (a great gift although I wish she would have stayed instead) and I remember looking at the picture on my license and literally not recognizing that person in it. Was that me?! I looked awful and fat and knew right then and there that I had to make some changes. That is the only other time I remember feeling the way I feel right now. That it WAS time to change, and nothing or no one would stand in my way!!

Being a young girl at the time and really not knowing what route to take to loose the weight, I got interested in juice fasting because my dad did it on and off just for health reasons and I thought it just seemed like a good thing to try. Now I still believe fasting and cleansing is good for your body from time to time and there are all sorts of healthy ways to go about doing it right. The problem is is that when I was 16 years old, I did it the most UN-healthy way a young girl could. I remember gorging on food on then going for days, sometimes weeks at a time doing what I called "juice fasting". Pretty much all that meant was that I didn't eat any food whatsoever but could drink any juices that I wanted and other liquids that were fat free. I saw such great, instant results by doing this that I got hooked! I would then break my fast and start eating and of course, start putting weight back on. There started my roller-coaster. By the time I was 17, I was looking really good and feeling a lot better about myself (when I wasn't starving) but I had about the most unhealthy outlook on food because of it all. I started putting food on a big pedestal because human nature wants what it can't have, and when I wasn't "fasting" I wanted to eat everything in site! Needless to say, this VERY unhealthy way of loosing weight did make me thin, but COMPLETELY screwed up my metabolism and my hormones. By the time I was 18 I had a pituitary tumor that I had to have surgically removed and I was not having any type of normal menstrual cycles whatsoever. The doctor told me that he was pretty certain that my unhealthy weight losses is what caused this type of tumor and later caused me not to be able to get pregnant for several years. There ended the only way I knew for sure to loose weight that I could count on.

One year after my surgery I met my husband and we were married by 20. I fasted the week before my wedding to drop a couple pounds and then swore I wouldn't go down that road again. As a result, I started to try to eat somewhat normal. Well being newly married and in our own place, I of course started cooking and we started staying in more and yes, eating more. I had also got my desk job right before getting married so now on top of everything, I was also sitting at a desk 8 hours a day. The first five years of our marriage I dieted on all sorts of strange diets on and off and of course would loose a little weight and then I'd gain it back plus some. I was extremely unhappy about my new fat self and extremely insecure as a result. I finally got desperate enough that I did do a big unhealthy juice fast again and this time I didn't eat a thing for 30 days. Yes, I lost some weight (about 20 lbs) and yes, I gained it all back and in the process, further screwed up my metabolism and my tumor grew back. I weighed the most I have ever weighed about seven years ago (size 14-16) and was the most depressed and miserable that I had ever been. I felt desperate and hopeless. That is when I was reading a magazine that talked about loosing weight without dieting but instead by eating what you want. The key was though to only eat if you're truly hungry. What? Wait until I actually feel hungry to eat? I felt like I was eating all the time and didn't even know what hunger felt like. I ate when I was anxious, bored, sad, happy, it didn't matter so this was a new concept for me. Needless to say, I was intrigued, especially since this was a way to loose weight without dieting and by just listening to your body. I immediately got the book and read it and felt excited about this concept of loosing weight. I then ordered the full program and started doing the DVD's and journals. Everything this women said made perfect sense! DIETS DON'T WORK and the problem is not the food, it's US and our attitude towards the food! I to this day, have totally changed the way I view food. I took it off it's pedestal, started buying the good stuff and started to try to change ME, not the food.

Well for the past six years, it has been quite a journey re-learning how to listen to my body, stop eating before I was stuffed to the max, slow down, yaddy yaddy yada, but in the process I have completely changed my metabolism to where I can actually eat again without gaining weight. I did loose some weight in the process as well and went from a size 14/16 down to a size 12. Of course that's a lot better then before and I have really learned how to be a lot happier with myself. I have also gained a lot more self-confidence as well. The problem is, is that I don't want to be stuck at a size 12 my whole life. Obviously, I want to be Maci's size, a size 5 and not because I'm vain or not happy, but because I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of not ever feeling good when I'm in a swim suit. I'm tired of having to adjust my jeans over my big fat roll every time I stand up or sit down. I'm tired of not ever wanting to wear shorts or cute skirts because I don't want to show my legs at all. I'm tired of not feeling sexy for my husband even though he says I am. I'm tired of not wanting to have my picture taken, especially with my beautiful baby boy. All-in-all, I'm just tired of not being the person that God intended me to be and that is healthy and thin; that's how we're all intended to be.

I thank God all the time that I am so fortunate to be an American and live in this great country, but with that comes the American way of eating that we all battle. Fast food on every corner, driving everywhere we go, entertainment that constantly revolves around food- you get my drift. But the difference I have now that I didn't' have 7 years ago, is that I no longer put food on any type of pedestal. I eat what I want, but try to only eat it when I'm hungry. Because I'm not denying myself the good stuff, it's no longer important to me. I have lots of treats and snacks in my pantry and I really could care less. I eat them if I feel like it but with self-control now. My biggest problem is lack of exercise and I need more portion control.

So here is mine and Maci's plan that I told you we "talked" about:

First, I'm going to continue to jog every day. Right now I'm only jogging one mile, but I'm doing it every day and I don't stop. Every two weeks I'm going to try to add another 1/2 mile to it until I'm jogging about 4-5 miles each day. That will be HUGE for me because ever since I was pregnant with my son (who is now two), I haven't worked out at all. Sure I would go on walks here and there, but nothing serious. I had just started to get into jogging before I found out I was pregnant and I LOVED it. I guess I more loved the fact that I never in my life had seen myself as a runner so when I finally was building up to where I could run a mile without dying or my lungs collapsing, I was thrilled to say the least. I've since then had dreams that I've been running and running and never get tired and I know that I have it in me to do it!

Second, I'm going to go back to what that program taught me, which is to only eat if I'm hungry. Truly hungry. Not bored or anxious. It taught me to listen to my body and then when it gave me a hungry signal, really think about what it is it's craving and to eat it, fat, sugar and all. Just slow down, enjoy it, but most importantly, as soon as I start to feel that satisfied (not stuffed) feeling, STOP eating! And if I know I want dessert of some type, make sure I save room to eat dessert. I try to somewhat do all of this now but I have to admit that I have fallen off the track a bit and I definitely have been snacking out of boredom or just for fun a lot of the times. That is where you can PACK on the extra calories without even realizing it! It also teaches to NOT drink sugary drinks because that ups your insulin levels and will screw up your bodies natural hunger signals so you won't truly know when you're hungry. Like I said in my first post, I'm not going to be drinking soda anymore unless it's diet. I do, however, still plan on having coffee in the morning but I will switch to sugar-free creamer.

Third, I plan on trying to consciously be more active in my day to day routines; be it parking a little further from the grocery store doors, running up and down the stairs even if I don't feel like it, going on more walks with my son, stuff like that. And here's where Maci comes into this all: if I ever start to feel like I can't do it, I know she's got my back this time and is there in my front room rooting for me to succeed and taunting me with those size 5 pants that I so badly want to fit into! Every time I go in to see her, she sets me straight and that's something I've never had in my corner before!So to sum up this ridiculously long post, with Maci's help and the support and accountability from others, I plan to finally loose this weight once and for all! Then someday I will post a new picture that shows ME wearing the jeans and looking so good and then maybe I will inspire others as well. Don't worry, I will post daily on my progress, setbacks, workouts, weight loss and exactly what Maci coaches me to do. I will also try to post progression pics whenever possible. So here it goes; we'll see if Maci My Motivational Mannequin, is what will finally kick my rather large butt into shape and be the key and secret weapon that I've been missing all along! Here's to a new me!

p.s. I was debating about eating ice cream tonight so I went in and spent a few minutes with Maci and she changed my mind. Instead I got a big glass of ice water and got on my computer instead. And today is my FIFTH day in a row jogging!! YEAH!!!

My theory on why Maci's my secret weapon to weightloss

Okay, here's my theory on this so you all have a little bit of idea as to why I believe Maci is my secret weapon to weight loss and then I will go into a brief history of my own struggles in the past:

How many people out there have watched the very popular movie "The Secret"?, or read the book? Well, it, like many other self-help tools, teaches the theory that If you believe it, you can achieve it and one of the MAIN keys to making it happen is to visualize it happening. Well in some of my past attempts to loose weight I would buy a cute little bikini and hang it on a hanger where I could see it every day trying to visualize myself but it never worked! I even bought cute dresses, shirts, etc. but I think the main problem was that I couldn't visualize MYSELF in any of them anymore. I think something deep down inside of me kept telling me "you're not going to change, you're not going to loose it this time just like every other time, bla bla bla" (we've all heard that negative, little witchy pooh before, right?) And after so long of listening to her annoying little voice of doubt, I started believing her. I would tell myself I didn't, and sing the song I learned in Junior High "I'm not judged by the number of times I fail (two,three,four), but by the number of times I succeed (two, three,four)..." over and over again, but I knew that I had lost that hope and didn't know if anything could spark me into believing again that I would one day be thin. That was, until Maci arrived.

The second I put her together and, like I said before, put those cute size 5 jeans on her, I all the sudden saw ME wearing them and something "clicked"! That's the day I had my husband take the picture of me standing next to her that I posted here and I announced that I would one day fit into her jeans! At first, that witchy pooh voice was telling me, "don't get too excited, nothings going on here" but then the very next day I found myself doing my usual routine and after seeing Maci standing all thin in my front room, I decided to go downstairs on hop on my dusty treadmill and start JOGGING!! (something I hadn't done since before I was pregnant and kept telling myself I would start again someday). What the heck?! Why did seeing Maci make me want to work out? Because I was also seeing MYSELF in her. My healthy, thin self that I used to be and thought I would never see again! All of the sudden, I did! I know she IS still in there somewhere deep in me, I felt hope rising!

Well, that's the same feeling that I had when I was 16 years old and started loosing the weight then (I'll tell you about that in a bit) and have never felt that since. Needless to say, I was EXCITED! Then, when three days in a row went by and I was still jogging, I was SUPER excited! When I'm feeling down or like I don't want to work out, I visit Maci and she motivates me! She looks me square in the face and tells me if I'm ever going to fit in her jeans, I had better get my butt moving!

Okay, before you all think I'm crazy or you start to loose interest, think about this as well: How many of you have ever started hanging around a super cute, thin person all the time and the next thing you know, you find yourself loosing weight and making healthier choices? It's happened to me a couple of times. And the reverse is true also. When you're always hanging around people that are bigger then you, you think I'm not too fat and so you feel more comfortable eating MORE! It's true! BELIEVE ME! And the key to Maci is that because she's a full mannequin set up and looking good (not just a hanger) I am able to VISUALIZE myself!

Now me and Maci have a plan. We had a good heart to heart (yes, I'm sure she has a heart now in that plastered chest of hers) talk yesterday and she made it clear to me what I need to do to fit into her jeans one day. I will share later what our plan is but I have to get going right now because it's Labor Day and I'm taking my son to the parade here in town and I have to go jump on my treadmill and workout before we go! Hope you all have a great holiday today and enjoy a Monday of NO work!!

Kick in the Butt Motivation from a Mannequin?

I'm starting this blog because I'm super excited about the recent motivation that I got to finally start working out and hopefully start loosing weight. I haven't felt motivated for YEARS, I mean, truly motivated, as in something deep inside that I feel like- "this is it! I know I will do it this time!" But ever since last week when a mannequin arrived in pieces in a box on my front door and I put her tiny, perfect size 5 body together and dressed her in super cute little jeans (size 5), I have felt a new sense of motivation, excitement, and a feeling like I know I'm going to do it this time once and for all and no one or nothing will stand in my way!! It's hard to explain and I'm a little confused about the emotional kick in the butt she has given me, so that is why I want to listen closely to this perfect skinny bitch and see if she really has what it takes to whip me into shape!

No, I didn't order a mannequin online for this purpose. I ordered her for a little fun side business my sister Jennie and I are starting up. We are selling some Black Friday apparel and needed her to model it for us at the Women's Expo next weekend. That is what got me online two weeks ago researching the best price for a mannequin, not the fact that I am a 32 year old, overweight mom of one who has been married for almost 12 years now and has not been thin for about 10 of them. Don't worry, I will go into a brief history of my weightloss battles so that you are all caught up as to why on earth I think this mannequin might finally be the motivation I need. But for now, know this: I have just started jogging again (something I haven't even attempted since before I was pregnant) and have done it three days in a row, including today which is Sunday and a day I have strictly reserved in the past a NO workout day, and I can hardly wait until tommorow to jog again. I have also quit drinking sugary soda (a little treat that I like to indulge in along with all my other little treats) and I find healthier little choices sneaking out of my food decisions every day without me even realizing it! And trust me, I DO NOT believe in diets! Let me repeat: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DIETS!! I have seen WAY too many of my close friends and family members roller coaster so much over my lifetime by dieting. That is the reason I thought I would just accept myself the way I am and be happy (okay, somewhat) with myself by at least eating what I want, then put myself through the misery of loosing a bunch of weight, only to regain it all back in a short time (and usually then some) and be right back to where I started; only hungrier and able to eat even less without gaining weight! Come on people, like Weight Watchers themselves have been preaching lately: DIETS DON'T WORK!! So how am I going to loose the 60 pounds that I know deep in my sole now is going to happen without dieting? Oh, I know the way, and so does Maci (that's what I named her by-the-way) and together we're going to do it! I will blog about this process and the day will come when I will steal her jeans right off of her and slide them onto my body! And that will be the day, my fellow overweight bloggers, that you will be all online ordering your own mannequins to start kicking your butts into shape!!