Christmas is Coming!!

I'm really excited for Christmas this year because my sister Amanda is going to be here most of the month of December staying with us and when we were little, it was always her and I and would get the most excited together about everything and have the most fun around Christmas.

I remember after my mom died and we moved in with my Dad, me and Amanda went and got our own little Christmas tree at the lot and took it up to our room and decorated it and put our little gifts around it. It really brightened up our room and made it special up there! (See pic)

This past year has been the most spiritually awakening year of my life and we as a family have really been through a lot. When Christmas time comes around and we get to spend more time together, it makes me so grateful and happy that we have each other and so much love. Christmas this year just seems extra special and I don't want to forget the greatest gift we've ever been given and the reason we celebrate it: Jesus.

My Thankfuls

Like every other year, I have SOOOOOOOO many things to be thankful for. Here are a few:

• I have life growing inside of me!
• My baby boy is three years old and strong and healthy and such a joy to us!
• My husband. We've been through so much together and through it all have come out deeper in love.
• PEACE within- I've experienced true peace this year
• My large family. Where would I be without the support system that my family provides and the love that we have for each other? I think daily how lucky I am to not only come from such a big family, but one that is loving, caring and would do anything for anyone.
• A warm house to live in
• Our jobs
• The food we have to eat
• This country that I am so blessed to be born in
• The relationships I've made this year in my church family
• My brother Mark. I'm so thankful he's back and him and his kids are a part of our lives again
• God. The peace He gives me every day. The joy that I only find in Him. Knowing that with Him I never have to worry about a thing and that He has me in the palm of His hand and loves me unconditionally.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (I Thessalonians 5:16-18, NIV).

I had my second doctor appointment two days ago so of course they had to weigh me. I was holding my breath because I knew I had gained some weight because of how much I had been eating. I read that you technically at this stage only need about 300 extra calories a day but I definitely had been eating more then that. Then on top of it, I have been so tired so I felt like I was laying down most days and hardly even moving! Well, sure enough, I had gained 4 pounds in one month! I thought that was too much!

The good news is that my first trimester is almost over and I'm already starting to feel less nauseous and I do feel like I'm getting a little bit of energy back as well. So the last few days I've cut back and have really just tried to go back to listening to what my body is calling for and nothing more. I also want to start getting in some more activity in my day too and I have lists of things that I want to try to get done during my second trimester before I get too big. I'm going to start eating smaller amounts again because I noticed just in the last few weeks I had started eating way bigger amounts then I needed for sure. I'm way excited though because I got to hear the heart beat again and everything is right on schedule! I get to find out what the sex is 3 weeks from today and I can't WAIT!!

My Pregnancy Challenge

I am ten weeks along right now so in two more weeks I will be ending my first trimester. I have really been trying hard most days to still listen to my body and wait until I'm hungry but it has been really hard to let my stomach empty completely out because the second I even start to feel slightly hungry, I also start getting really nauseated and super weak. If I stay a little ahead of the game and eat something small and light before I start getting hungry then I don't get that way. I don't want to gain a bunch of weight this pregnancy and I don't think my body needs to since I'm already about 30 pounds overweight so I really want to keep things in check and listen to what my body needs.

It wasn't this way with my first pregnancy at all and I never even got sick so it's definitely different this time. All the books are saying that usually after the first trimester the sickness goes away so I'm really hoping for that so that I can go back to just waiting for true hunger. I know if I just listen to what my body needs throughout this pregnancy and continue to eat small amounts I shouldn't have to worry about gaining a lot of weight. That is my challenge right now. I will still apply everything I've learned through Weighdown while pregnant and the great thing is is because it's not a diet of any sort, I still can.

The Miracle of Life

I had my first doctor's appointment on Monday. I am just over 8 weeks but because I had a miscarriage back in March, he wanted me to get an ultrasound right away just to see it and make sure everything looked good. So yesterday me, Robb and Toby went and saw our little peanut on the screen. "It's" little heart was beating and you could see the little stubs starting to form already where it's little arms are. I just can't even believe how in love I can already be with it when we haven't even met yet but seeing it in there, heart beating and all, makes my heart melt! I still can't believe I get to assist God in this miracle of life! I feel so blessed and lucky to be a women and get to experience this!

I was Blind but now I SEE!

I know it's been a while since I've blogged but I have good reasons! First off, I weighed myself the week before last and was down one more pound. That's make a total of 15 which still is an average of about a pound a week. I didn't weigh last week or this week because I've been so sidetracked with my good news:

Baby #2 is on the way!!

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited because we really wanted to get pregnant and once again I am blown away by how good God is to me!

When I had a miscarriage back in March I wasn't surprised at all. It's weird but when I found out I was pregnant then, I knew something wasn't right. I kept taking pregnancy tests and they kept coming out positive so finally after a few weeks I started to accept that maybe I was. Then I miscarried. At the time although I was a little bit sad, I wasn't worried because I knew that God's timing was perfect and that there must be a reason.

Now, looking back over the past few months, the reason was this; I had a LOT of spiritual growing and learning to do and a lot of past hurts in my marriage that I needed to face and let go of before we were ready to grow our family. God knew that.

What He revealed to me over the past few months just since then has blown my mind! I feel our marriage had a turning point that it has needed for a while and I feel closer to my husband now then I ever have. God has revealed SO much to me about Him, my relationships, and myself and I don't think I've ever in my life had such a spiritual awakening as I have the past few months. It's been hard at times but God brought me through it and I can see why every single thing He was showing me needed to be dealt with and re-surfaced. He wanted to be invited into those parts of my heart that needed healing and when I let Him in, HE HEALED THEM!! I feel like "I was blind and now I see!" WOW!! God is SO amazing when we can trust Him with ALL areas of our lives!

So last month I prayed to God and told Him that I felt like I was ready now to get pregnant but I trust His perfect timing and not my own. I told him how I felt, but left it up to His will. Well lo and behold, I conceived less then a week after I prayed that prayer! When I trust God with all areas of my life, I am free!! He is so awesome and continues to amaze me every day!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

I had a great weekend and worked through a lot of what I was feeling and why and I actually feel really great today! I'm excited to be back on track and I really feel like God is taking care of everything, including me. Just like I thought, I'm coming out of it stronger and closer to Him then I was before! It's amazing to me how that happens!

I'm SO excited for fall and the beautiful days ahead and I decided I'm going to start decorating early this year so I can enjoy it longer. The colors have already started changing here on the mountains anyway, so why not? I remember my mom used to say every fall that it looks like God just took a big paint brush and painted our world with warm colors for us to enjoy!

I just read this quote today and really related:

"There is just something about knowing that my failures, hardships, mistakes, losses and pain have meaning. For me, that understanding eases some of the agony of life and encourages me to keep on keeping on."

Frustrated

My heart has felt heavy lately and I'm going through some personal things and have not felt much like blogging. I weighed on Friday and I had lost almost 1 pound since last week but I still am struggling a lot. I haven't been binging or eating a lot but I know I can wait longer to eat and I know I can eat less when I do. I've been turning to food with my insecurities and find myself snacking unnecessarily and it's been frustrating! I know that I need to be turning to God. I try, and I've been praying, but I feel drained and sad for some reason and I feel like God is testing me right now and I'm failing miserably which only makes me more sad and frustrated! I just feel sad and my heart feels heavy right now but I just keep giving it back to God and that's all I can do. I heard the other day that a lot of times before something awesome happens, we will experience more pain or trials so I'm holding onto that right now knowing that whatever is going on with me, God will use it for good or to draw me closer to Him in the long run.

I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45:5-6

Re-Committed

I weighed last week and I had not lost a single pound. It's been almost a month and the scale hasn't gone down at all. Luckily it hasn't gone up either but there is no reason it wouldn't have gone down if I would have been keeping my focus where it needed to be and following some of the basic rules of Weighdown.

I was getting frustrated because I started to feel like food was having a pull on me again and that I was turning to it more and more. Then every time I would hit my "re-start" button to try to start fresh it wouldn't last, which was making me more frustrated and the more frustrated I was getting, the less I was focused and following the basics!

This past month has been really emotional for me and a lot of things from my past have been re-surfacing because I asked God to heal my heart completely and make it whole again. Well in order for Him to do that, He has had to stir things up a bit and bring things to the surface so that I could invite Him into those deep areas in my heart that needed healing. Through this entire process I have learned how much I still run to food for comfort or when I'm feeling anxious. I should be turning to God completely for that. Here I was bragging because I literally felt like I had just about made it to the "Promised Land" with my eating habits and I really didn't think food had any pull on me anymore, but then the second things got stirred up a bit, where did I turn? To my first love and idol; food. I am ashamed at that. God has showed me from this past month that no matter what I am feeling, and especially when I'm feeling emotional, that is when He wants me to turn to Him the most and lean on Him and trust Him to comfort me and sooth my fears and insecurities.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Notice how the bible says to trust in the Lord with ALL our hearts and to acknowledge Him in ALL our ways?! Well I definitely was not doing that and when things got a little murky, I ran instead to what I knew would bring me temporary comfort- food.

The problem with running to food is the comfort it gives doesn't even last past the first bite before the guilt sets in. When I run to God, not only does it last more then a moment, it lasts a lifetime. It even goes beyond my lifetime because I will also be setting an example for Toby that will last his lifetime as well. God does not need anything from us but asks only that we obey Him and love Him and put Him first above all else!

The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.

The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity-in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground.
Deuteronomy 28:11, 13-14

So do I want to run to my old love of food and continue to be miserable and get nothing back in return, or do I want to run to God for everything and have Him pour out His never ending love and blessings on me for eternity?! It seems so simple, yet the problem is that Satan is constantly on the attack and looking for ways to destroy it and get me to turn away from God. That is why I need to remember to put on the full armour of God DAILY and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around me!

So today I have prayed and asked God to forgive me for turning to food and I have re-committed to start fresh and go back to the basics that I learned in the beginning and the things that were really helping me from the start:

1. NO GROWL- NO CHEWING
2. SMALL SMALL SMALL AMOUNTS
3. When I am feeling anxious and find myself reaching for food I will grab my bible instead and "chew" on it.
4. PRAY PRAY PRAY for the strength that I need every moment to resist Satan's temptations and plans to hold me back and distract me!
5. Sart the listening to the Breakthrough cd's again to be reminded of the basics and to help keep me focused.
6. Continue to weigh once a week on Thursdays and continue my blog.
7. Get back on the Weighdown website chat rooms and stay in contact with the women that are also with me in the "desert".
8. Read the Weighdown Chronicles every day for inspiration.
9. Read the Rise Above book again. (That really helped to keep me focused)
10. Read at least one success story a day from the Weighdown website

I feel excited and focused and ready to let God lead me again!

Fine Tuning

Well I'm not going to lie. The last two weeks I've really been struggling again with eating and it's been frustrating!! I had been doing really well and really felt like that desire to eat when I wasn't hungry was gone but the last two weeks I've been having to pray for strength more then ever for some reason and I didn't even weigh on Thursday because I was afraid to. I don't feel like I've gained any weight but I definitely don't feel like I've lost any either. I haven't been binging or anything like that but I just felt like I've been eating more at mealtimes and sometimes I don't always wait until I'm totally hungry, just barely hungry and it's been frustrating! I think it's just a big reminder though that I am not in control and that I need God every moment of every day and that when I start to loose focus I will start going backwards again and that is NOT where I ever want to go. I am going to weigh this Thursday again to see where I am to and I am really just trying to stay focused "up" right now and stay in God's will and boundaries. I have been reading from the Weighdown Chronicles every day and the one I just read really hit home with me right now. Here is only part of what it said but it hit the nail on the head for me:

In the beginning of our love relationship with God, we often don’t realize just how much He expects of us. At first He asks little, but as we grow and mature, we face more choices about just how much of ourselves we are willing to give to Him. Just as a parent has to re-direct and discipline a child for his own good, God must do the same with us. We simply can’t have everything we think we want! The world will continue to distract us and beg for our attention, but God remains constant in that only HE can provide us with everything we need.

SO true so I'm staying tuned in to what else He is trying to teach me because I know He is going to keep fine tuning me until I am completely His and His alone with no other stronghold or idols!

Happy THIRD Birthday Toby!!

Yesterday my baby boy turned THREE and I am in disbelief that it's already been three years since he came into this world! It's funny because I remember when I was only about three weeks from my due date with him we went to Lake Powell with my brother and sister and their spouses. I remember the last morning as we were leaving and driving over the dam to head home I got this overwhelming feeling of emotions come over me because I knew it was the last trip that me and Robb were ever going to take together before becoming parents. I was so nervous about how our lives would change and how it would never be just about us anymore and I just burst into tears that I couldn't stop! Robb was a little surprised (as most husbands are when their wives just burst into tears out-of-the-blue) and after telling him what I was feeling and why I was crying he smiled sympathetically and I will never forget what he said because he hit the nail on the head. He told me that having a child is going to bring about an entire new set of adventures and that even though our old life and what we were used to would no longer exist, we had an entire new adventure ahead of us to look forward to.

Well our lives have changed tremendously from the couple who had been married ten years with no kids but I cannot even imagine what that life used to be like without Toby in it! Although it's hard at times and there are times I truly don't understand what is going on, it has been one of the greatest adventures of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world! God blessed us with Toby and along with that it's brought us such life and joy and laughter! I feel like I'm constantly learning but the most amazing thing to me of all is how God has been using Toby to teach me about His love for us! I can't count how many times as a mother I take situations that I'm learning with Toby and think, WOW, that's how God must feel about His children! It happens all the time! From frustration to pure joy, God is using Toby to draw me closer to Him. Because I love Toby, I discipline him. Because I love Toby, I challenge him. Because I love Toby I teach him, take care of him, do what I KNOW is best for him. He doesn't always understand why I'm doing what I'm doing or agree with it, but I know that it's what is best for him and I do it out of love. God does the same. We may not always understand why or what we are going through, but God does and there is always purpose for it and if we trust HIM and have faith, He will use it for our good! I have such an unconditional love in my heart for Toby and it's so completely overwhelming at times and when I think that God loves me more then I even love Toby I don't even know how that is possible, yet I know it's true! God is taking me on an adventure as well and although my old life as I knew it before is gone, it's a far better life then I ever imagined! Although it's hard at times and I don't always understand what He has planned or why, I know without doubt that He loves me and has my best interest at Heart and what a peace that gives me!

So Happy Birthday to my baby boy Toby that God has blessed me and changed my life with and thank you God for the constant adventures that you are taking me on as well! "My cup runneth over!"

Weighed in today and I've lost another two pounds since last week!

Okay, have I mentioned how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE summertime? Well, I do! This month of July is flying by but it has been SOOOOOOOOOOO much fun! Between the 4th, boating, swimming, Powell and all of the July birthday's we've had, it has been such a crazy month.

We went to Lake Powell last weekend (see pic) and it was SO beautiful and serene! I love going because it's a trip that is total relaxation through and through and I come back feeling so rested and renewed. This time was no different. When I was there I just kept thinking about how beautiful God's creations are and on the last night on the lake when we were headed back on the boat the sky was so gorgeous and I couldn't stop looking at it. One of the clouds literally looked like a giant dove in the sky with it's wings open flying into heaven and then the rays of sunlight were streaming through. I just felt that God painted that sky just for me (He is a romancer you know) and it just made me smile.

I waited until yesterday to weigh again and when I did I was happy because the scale is continuing to go down! I was down another pound! That makes 11 pounds total to date. I can't wait until I hit the 20 pound mark!

I'm reading another book right now called "Women, Food and God". It's funny because I bought the book a while ago and forgot I had it and then Oprah had it on her show as a recommended read so I pulled it out. We all know that if she read it then it must be golden right ;)... It's been really interesting to read because it teaches a lot of the same things that Weighdown does as far as eating between hunger and fullness and that when you eat past that it's emotional eating but she definitely has some different views on how to fill that void then just filling up with God. I'm not quite done with it yet but it has been interesting to read knowing what I already believe and have been practicing. I'm really just trying to stay focused "UP" right now more then ever because I want to continue to loose weight and stay out of myself and I know that the only way to do that is by fillng up with God instead of this world and it's not always easy to do when you have so much going on but I've realized quickly over the last few months that that is my lifeline, not the things of this world...

It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.' Matthew 4:4

Freedom!!!

This weekend is the 4th of July, a day in which Americans celebrate our independence and our freedom and liberty. I LOVE the 4th of July and I LOVE this great country that we are so blessed to live in and celebrate this time of year! Patriotism has always run very deep in our family and courses through our blood! I LOVE what freedom represents and I love that it is God that gave us that freedom and that freedom is preached all throughout the Bible:

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corn. 3:17

In him [Christ] and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Eph. 3:12

The freedom and patriotism that I feel for my beloved country is overwhelming in my heart but it doesn't even hold a candle to the freedom that I feel and received from the Holy Spirit in my heart! This 4th of July I will be celebrating not only the freedom from this country but I feel more blessed then ever that God has freed me from the slavery of overeating and SOOOO many other strongholds of this world and has brought me out of the land of "Egypt" and is taking me to the promised land!

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5

I have hit the 10 pound mark as of yesterday and I was SO excited to hit my first big milestone that I was seeing fireworks go off a few days early!!

Weigh In Day

Today was my weigh in day and I lost another pound since last Thursday! That makes a total of 8.5 down. When I get to 10 pounds I am really going to celebrate (not by eating anything) but by doing something fun in the sun. I hope that's by next week. It's been so nice not having to stress at all about it. It feels really good to see the scale continuing to go down each week but that is not my focus. I'm also excited because I'm starting a new bible study tomorrow morning called "Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy" and I'm really looking forward to getting into it. God is becoming more personal to me but it's a work in process and I'm continuing to learn every day what it means to be spiritually intimate with Him so this study will be exciting.

His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. Ephesians 4:30 MSG

The Light of the World

I just LOVE summertime! This year because we had such a long, cold winter and it didn't even feel like we even had a Spring, I appreciate it even more then I usually do too. There is so much to do and enjoy in the summer. It's a time to relax and just enjoy the beauty that is all around us. Whenever I am outside and I feel the sun shining down on me, I can't help but get an overwhelming warm feeling in my soul as well because it just reminds me that God is the light of the world and that He has filled my soul with His sunshine as well!

We went up to the canyon yesterday and it was SO lush and green and B-E-A-utiful and I just felt at such awe once again that God loves us so much and is such a beautiful artist that He would create such an amazing world for us to live in and enjoy! What overwhelms me even more then that is to think that God himself is more beautiful then any thing we have ever laid our eyes on on this earth and that the place He has prepared for us is FAR more beautiful then we could even imagine! I don't understand how anyone can look at some of the wonderful, amazing things in this world and not be totally blown away by the Creator of it! Boggles my mind...

So today was my weigh in day and the scale is continuing to go down! I'm only down a half a pound but that is just since last Friday so that is awesome! I'm excited about the direction the scale is going but I'm mostly excited about the direction my heart is going!

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it give light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise you Father in Heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

God just wants our HEARTS to be clean

I haven't done a weigh in for about two weeks because I wanted to really focus on my relationship with God and not be deterred at all by what the scale said. I will now go back to weighing in every Thursday so I can keep track now that I have my head straight and know that it's not going to deter me anymore.

So this morning I weighed and I had lost another two pounds bringing my total weight loss to 7 pounds! Now you might not think that 7 pounds is that much weight loss for two months of doing this but for me that is HUGE because I had not seen the scale even budge a half a pound for SOOOOOOOOOOO long (up or down) and really, really felt like I was stuck in a rut with my weight! But what has been the most amazing thing to me about the past two months is how much my eyes have been opened and how much my heart has been filled! I am FREE FREE FREE from ever having to even think about dieting, exercising, starving or roller-coasting EVER AGAIN!!! My heart has changed towards the food and God has FREED me from the DESIRE that I used to have to over eat! I used to run to food when I felt anxious or when I was bored and now I don't! Not only do I not run to it, I don't have the desire to!! I have never felt this way in my entire life! Sure my heart toward food had started changing the first time I did Weighdown years ago but because I never fully understood the number ONE most important thing that it teaches, it never changed completely. I can't believe how so very obvious everything is to me this time and I still wonder how I missed it all before. I was just trying to change my portions and listen to hunger and fullness before but I never worked on changing my HEART toward the food and that is why it didn't work. Then this verse that I had heard a thousand times hit me so hard and completely turned everything around for me which in turn, changed my heart:

Seek FIRST his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well. Matthew 6:33

When I quit worrying about the scale and stayed focused on what God was trying to teach me and show me, everything just started falling into place and the scale is going down! I have NO DOUBT at all in my mind that it's going to keep going down too until I'm to the healthy weight that God intends me to be at. I don't even question or worry or stress about it anymore because I am that confident in God and how He is changing my heart! I don't have to follow man made rules anymore!! I'm SO excited with this new found relationship with God! It's growing into a relationship that I have longed for and prayed for!

I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt; open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

He has brought me out of the slavery of Egypt and is taking me to the promised land and I stand in total awe and wonderment of Him!

The following is an excerpt from the book Rise Above by Gwen Shamblin that I just finished reading. It was an amazing book and SO insightful:

We have spent all of our energy on cleaning up the wrong things. Jesus said not to take the splinter out of someone else’s eye when we have a log in our own. We must first take the log out of our own eye; then we can see clearly to remove the speck out of someone else’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). We are scared of “unclean” things on this earth, but what SHOULD scare us are the unclean things that God reveals about our own hearts! The heart is what is greedy. The alcohol is not evil-God created it. The money is not evil. The food is not evil. Sex is not evil. Tobacco is not evil. It is the worship of these things that is evil. Worship is focus and adoration. We worship these things. It is what you are drooling over in your heart that should bring you to your knees…because you can get the alcohol out of the house or the fat grams out of the house, but you cannot run from your own heart and mind. And your heart and mind will face the Judgment Day. You must change and pray-pray hard-for a cleansing from the Father through Jesus Christ.

On behalf of people living in the last few decades, let’s concede that we have never been told that we have a heart problem. I have a master’s degree in foods and nutrition, and yet I never studied the greed in the heart of mankind. We only dissected the content of the foods and labeled each ingredient as clean or unclean. And again, my experience has been that most churches have bought into the man-made clean and unclean rules. Everyone - even in church - confidently and self-righteously preached that broccoli was righteous, and that brownies and ice cream were sinful. But now we know the truth. The food is clean-God just wants our HEARTS to be clean.

DUN DUN DUN...I will weigh in tomorrow morning: Update to come. LOL

"Hungry"- by Kutless

Hungry I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering ALL of me
Jesus You're all
this heart is living for

Broken I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know Your touch
Restores my Life

So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling
I'm falling for You

Jesus You're all
This heart is living for
I'm living for you

I Love love love the words to this song!!

And the scale is going DOWN!!

Where to even start?! The past ten days or so have been SO crazy, yet awesome, yet crazy, yet amazing! I feel like an addict who finally admitted and truly believed for the first time in my heart of hearts that I do have a problem with making food an idol in my life and that was the first step to truly starting the "healing and recovering" process. I know it sounds weird but although I thought I admitted it and had a problem, I found that I didn't really truly believe I did and it was stopping me from embracing the entire teachings of the Weighdown program completely. I kept going back and forth in my mind and justifying my overeating and love of food and trying to convince myself that that wasn't the problem and that my heart has changed quite a bit over the past few years so there was no way I still put food on a pedestal of any sort! Well because I wouldn't truly admit to myself that that WAS indeed the problem, God had to make it VERY clear to me and convict me of it so that there was NO question in my mind whatsoever as to whether or not this was the case. That is exactly what He did last week. I just completely got honest with God and once again, poured out my heart to Him on exactly why I was feeling and thinking the way I was. I no sooner got done praying to Him and I heard a voice in my head clearly that said to get my Bible. I did and I let it fall open and it opened right to the section about idols and the disasters that will occur as a result of following them. I felt so confirmed by everything I read that night but then again the next day I felt like I was thrown right back into confusion and doubt all over again. By that night my head was pounding and I was feeling SO frustrated! I again prayed to God and got out my bible and again let it fall open. This time it fell open to a completely different book in the bible then the night before but again it was all about the story of Moses and the Exodus. I thought, "that's weird...let's see if it happens again." I then opened it up to a completely different section and the exact page it fell on AGAIN was the story of the Exodus in a different book. I then had the audacity to still say to God, "okay, I will know without a doubt if I close my eyes and shuffle through my bible and it falls one more time on this story somehow, that this is really what your Will for me is". Well, let me just tell you, I am in the dessert for SURE and it's God's Will for my life right now. It fell open a FOURTH time to a different book in the bible but all about the Exodus and idol worship! I am just AMAZED at times how much God is really listening and it trying to get US to listen and TRUST Him! Furthermore I'm amazed how much HE really cares about speaking to little 'old me.

So that night I finally accepted and admitted and repented from the bottom of my heart for the first time for making food an idol and putting it before God and I went to bed and slept SO peacefully. Then the next morning I woke up and did my bible study and prayed and I asked God to please speak words of comfort to me this time through His word since the last FOUR times I let it fall open it was all about His wrath if I continued to follow my idol. I just felt like I needed to hear words of compassion and be reminded that He still loves me. It's funny but I literally felt like a child who had been scolded and then needed reassurance from their daddy that they were still loved. So I went and grabbed my bible and again flipped through it letting it stop wherever it landed just knowing that God would stop it on what He wanted me to read. Well once again I was blown away on the page it stopped on and here it is:

I will hear their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them. I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendor will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade. He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine from Lebanon. O Ephraim, what more have I to do with Idols? I will answer him and care for him. I am like a green pine tree; your fruitfulness comes from me. Hosea 12:9

I was so filled with love and awe for God that He is SO personal especially when we need Him to be and that day was amazing to me. That day was the first day that I was SO obedient in everything I ate and I really just tried to listen for His lead and guidance. Then the next morning I decided to weigh in. When I stepped on the scale it had gone UP on pound. My first reaction was anger and I felt like I wanted to "throw in the towel" and give up. Then I pictured Satan smiling and having his way and instead I gave it all back to God and prayed about it and went on to forget it and just trust in Him. Then the next morning I woke up and was not even planning to weigh at all. I was brushing my teeth and I literally heard a voice in my head tell me to step on the scale. I was like, "no way! I just did yesterday and was up a pound." thinking I must be hearing things. I got done brushing my teeth and heard it again really clearly this time saying again Step on the scale. So I did and I literally did a double-take because it was now down TWO pounds from the day before, which means I had lost another pound! I got off and back on to make sure that I wasn't seeing things and it was the same!! I was SO happy to see that extra pound gone because the scale hadn't budged at all for about three weeks!! So to sum up this ridiculously long post I just need to end with this verse because it popped in my head right when I got off the scale that morning:

For His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

The Pearl Necklace

A cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess-- the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
" Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my babydoll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And, when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of beautiful genuine pearls. He had had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.
Question- what imitations are we holding onto that stops us from receiving God's genuine treasures?
Author Unknown

A women from the Weighdown message boards shared this story with everyone and I had to post it because it really hit home with me. I know God is just wanting me to "let go" and give up total control to Him because He has something so much better in store for me. I just have to trust Him and let go of my own dollar store pearls that I've been hanging onto so tightly and allow Him to replace them with beautiful, real ones.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:34

Putting on the Armor of God

And so God created Man in his own image; male and female did He create. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And the Devil said, "I know how I can get back in this game." And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said: "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And the Devil brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. And the Devil saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance. Then God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man could poison his body with alcohol while feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz. And Man gained another ten pounds. And God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and upon returning asked Man: "Do I look fat?" And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth." And Man did. And Woman went out from the presence of man and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, east of the marriage counselor.

Okay, I had to post that little story that I read. I thought it was funny, yet SO true in what we're trying to learn here. Good things come from God yet Satan is always there trying to tempt us and use it against us and turn it into evil because he wants to destroy us, our marriages and families and ultimately our lives. That is why we need to put on our Godly armor everyday and be prepared to fight the spiritual battle that is going on all around us.

Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devils' schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:11-12

Rumbly in my Tumbly

Okay, Pooh Bear is going to be my reminder this week to wait until a GROWL or as he would say "Rumbly in my Tumbly" until I eat anything! I've found that a lot of times when I eat I am feeling hungry but I know I could wait longer and I don't always wait until my stomach is growling before I eat and although I'm eating less I'm not letting my stomach completely empty out before I eat again. That is so important to see weight loss. So my theme song/reminder this week is good 'ol Pooh Bear: "I'm so rumbly in my tumbly time for something sweet!"

Jesus loves me this I know...

So Thursday was my weigh in day and I prayed about it before I did it because I didn't want the outcome of whether or not I had lost any weight to in any way affect the path that I'm on. I weighed and I had lost almost 1/2 pound (my scale is digital). My first reaction was, "okay, well at least it something" considering I had not had a great week but I'm not going to lie, I was a bit disappointed at first. The good news is is that the disappointment didn't last. The more I started thinking about this past four weeks I got more and more excited about what I've been through and how much I have accomplished emotionally, physically and most importantly-spiritually! Here is a summary of things I am SO happy about from this past month:

1) I've lost just about 5 pounds!!! That's something I had not done after four straight months of jogging almost every single day faithfully. That is also without dieting of any form. I did not count a calorie, look at a label, take a diet pill or stress about trying to squeeze a workout in my day somewhere. I was freed from even thinking about any of that!

2) I am eating A LOT less food every day and thus I feel like I have more energy because of it and I can tell my stomach has shrunk as well because I've been cutting most of my portions almost in half. I've also noticed that when I first started doing this I would eat and still feel hungry and it was really hard not to eat more. Now I've noticed that most of the time not only is it enough, the old portions that I used to eat are starting to seem like WAY to much food now! That is awesome to me!! A breakthrough for sure!

3) Above anything else that has happened this past month I am most excited about what God has shown me. During this time of emotional vulnerability God has used it to draw me closer to Him! A few years ago I read my bible from cover to cover but I hardly took anything out of it. I've often thought that I would open it up more if I thought there was something specific God was trying to show me but every time I did nothing really spoke to me. Well let me tell you my friends, God has changed all of that. I feel like every time I open it up verses are jumping off the pages at me and I feel like God is speaking to me personally through it! Like I've said in my previous post, He is also speaking to me through music and people and prayers and all in all I feel SO overwhelmed with His love for me right now! He is taking all of the time that I used to use thinking about food and working out and dieting and He is filling it up with HIM, His love and His truths and I've said it before but I will say it again; "My cup runneth over!!!" That's how I feel right now after I sum up this first month! I'm a work in process and I can't wait to see what He has to show me this next month! I LOVE you Jesus! THANKS for everything!!! :)

...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37: 3-6

He demands all of us

Whew! Where do I even start?! This past week has been a very emotional one for me and looking back on the last few days I can now see exactly why I went through the emotions I did and how God has used that already to draw closer to Him!

I have been getting on the Weighdown message boards every day and connecting with the women there and that has been amazing to me. To talk with other women who are going through exactly what I am and to be able to vent and get feedback and encouragement has been exactly what I needed. Last weekend when I prayed to God and told him that I just didn't feel connected anywhere and really felt like I needed to be, he immediately answered my prayers by taking me there. I also got an invite from a women from my church to join a women's bible study. I knew that too came straight from God. Yesterday was the first day I was going to it and I almost let Satan have his way by not going but I just felt such a push to go so I got up, jumped in the shower and got ready in record time. I was glad I made it too because the study they're doing is called He Speaks to Me and everything it is teaching is right in line with what Weighdown is also teaching. Here is a paragraph from this weeks lesson:

To move into the calling the Lord has for us, we must willingly leave some things behind. God will not share our time and attention with other gods. Anything or anybody that receives more of my worship than God does is an idol, including tv, books the internet or even a relationship. Even necessary and good things like food and sleep can become idols if they become more important than God. God will not share us with anything or anyone that takes our eyes off of Him. He demands all of us.

So was it a coincidence that I made it there? I think not! I am SO excited to add this bible study to what I'm already studying. Furthermore, I'm looking forward to also make some connections with the women there as well, which I know God wants me to do. God has been desperately trying to just get me to BE STILL so He can tell me and show me what He has planned for me! Tomorrow is my weigh in day and I'm trying not to worry about it. That's hard to do, but I don't want that to be my focus at all. Here are a couple of verses that really spoke to me the last few days:

Be still, and know that I am God...Psalm 47:10

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.
Psalm 34:17

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires...For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. Romans 6:12,14

Tips to Remember

1) When I am not hungry and want to eat anyway, run to God! Open His word. How exciting to think that this will allow me to draw closer to the Lord!

2) Wait ALL THE WAY TO A GROWL. When we don't wait for hunger we don't burn off all the food or ANY excess weight and can possibly gain weight. If I wait to a GROWL I can be burning excess weight each time!!

So then, let us not be like others who are asleep but let us be alert and self-controlled. 1Thessalonians 5:6

Divine Pruning

This past week has been very emotionally draining for me but also AMAZING! There have been some hurts from may past that have been re-surfacing for some reason and I finally just got really honest with God and poured my heart out to Him. The first day I prayed I was almost angry. Not at God, at the situation. He immediately started answering my prayers the very next day. It's a long story and kind of personal but let's just say, this past week He not only answered two specific prayers but He also showed me over and over how much He loves me. He spoke directly to me through people, songs and Bible verses this past week and I have never felt so vulnerable yet so loved all at the same time!

I didn't loose any weight this past week and yesterday I was down a bit from it but when I got honest with myself I only had myself to blame for that. I let some of the basic rules of Weighdown slip and wasn't as focused as I was the first two weeks. My hormones have been going crazy since my miscarriage and trying to get back to "normal" and let's just say, it hasn't always been fun.

I was in my car running some errands yesterday and I put in the audio and listened again and that was encouraging. I also got into my Breakthrough book and answered a lot of the questions in the lesson too. That also helped me to re-focus. I'm so excited too because I also got connected with a group of women on a message board on the Weighdown website and it was just what I was looking for. It's so encouraging to read what they are going through and their encouragements and be able to relate and have someone hold me accountable. I'm SO excited to have connected with them! So all in all, things are GREAT! God never ceases to amaze me! I am a work in process and He is doing some "Divine Pruning" on me right now and although it can be really emotionally hard at times, I know that I need to yield to it because it is for my own good and is because He love me!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful...Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me" John 15:1-2, 4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

Head Hunger Prayer

This is from a Weighdown Class. I'm posting it because I want to remember it:

When you feel an urge to eat and you are not hungry, it is hunger for God! Go to His Word! Do not hang out near food. Do not long for the food. Do not look for the food.

Pray, “God, clean up my mind.” Pray, “God, in the name of Jesus Christ, take away this nagging head hunger, this longing, and turn that back into a longing to be inside Your will and to have Your approval. Amen."

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. - John 15:5

Two Weeks and 4.5 lbs Down!!

Tonight is Week 3 of my class and so of course this morning was my weigh in day. I was not as excited to do it because I had not been as good as I should have been this past week. Don't get me wrong, I still ate A LOT less, but there were a few days when I felt like I definitely could have done better. It's funny too because I also was in my car a lot less and so I didn't listen to the cd's like I had the previous week as much either. I did read the Weighdown Chronicles everyday and watched some YouTube videos to try to keep my inspired but I think the audio cd's really make a big difference for sure to help to keep me focused. I know I need to get into my Breakthrough book and journal more this week as well because I noticed the days I did and read the Bible verses it also really helped.

So I weighed this morning and I had lost another 1.5 pounds!! To see the scale going DOWN is such a good feeling!! I'm a work in process and I'm hoping this coming week I can really start to fine tune everything. I know I need to get into my journal and book more and I know I need to pray more. I sometimes feel like I want to disappear for an entire day by myself somewhere so I can just be alone! I know most women (especially moms) feel that way but lately I've been feeling it more and more! I LOVE being with my baby boy and am so blessed to be able to work from home so I can be, but I feel like it's so hard to have alone time! When he finally goes down for his nap I'm usually trying to get caught up on work and then before I know it he's back up. I just want time totally to myself to get into everything and really be able to pray for everyone and everything so this week I'm really going to try to figure out the absolute best time for me so that I can focus each day for at least an hour.

Here is one of the bible verses from my book this week that really stood out:

Romans 8:5-8
Those who live according to sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

Yikes! I do NOT want to be controlled by the sinful nature because it would terrify me to not be pleasing to God. I want to continue to learn and grow closer to Him every day and to try to please Him in everything I do!

THE SCALE MOVED!!!

I feel like skipping and doing cartwheels this morning! Today was the day I decided I would weigh since I have my online class tonight and when I stepped on the scale holding my breath and feeling REALLY nervous, it all went away when it showed I had lost THREE pounds in less then a week!!! I cannot even put into words how excited I am! When I first started this blog last September and was focused on jogging and figuring out ways to boost my metabolism and all of the wrong things and I ended up SO frustrated! After about three months of jogging 6 days a week faithfully every morning, I had finally decided to face my fears and weigh myself again and I had GAINED two pounds!! I know weight can fluctuate a couple of pounds but I will never forget how utterly frustrated and desperate I felt! I felt like throwing my hands into the air and giving up. Which is exactly what I did at the time because I stopped jogging all together. I thought to myself "if it's not going to do one bit of good then why do it?".

So needless to say, the truth about weight loss that I knew after my first Weighdown class years ago but had choose to forget is true! This past week I have been praying every day that God would show me how to stay within HIS boundaries of hunger and fullness and not to overeat and He has! I have been eating A LOT less as a result and I haven't worked out even once. I haven't counted a calorie or fat gram or even put a thought into what I have eaten. When I was hungry, I would eat what sounded good to me at that time. If it was chocolate, I ate it, just in small amounts. I've had pizza, spaghetti, burritos and nachos. I've just been eating at least HALF of what I used to eat and when it was hard for me to stop eating I would say a quick prayer for strength and God gave it to me! I am learning how to change my passion for food so before when I used to go to food to try to make me feel better and fill up my heart I now am going to God instead. It's not stomach hunger we have most of the time but a hunger in our hearts and food is a temporary pick-me-up.

I also had a couple of funny God-incidences (that's what Gwen calls them) too that literally made me laugh out loud so I will share one in particular:

Last Saturday I had been craving ice cream all day long but I didn't have any and I didn't want to buy any either because that is one of my main weaknesses and I didn't want to push it. Well by the time Saturday night rolled around I couldn't take it anymore so I thought that maybe I just wouldn't eat dinner at all and then I could go to Smiths and get a pint of my fav ice cream in the whole world; Mint Moose Tracks. I went and got it knowing that I was going to eat the entire thing because I could never stop with that one EVER in the past. When I got home and got Toby to sleep me and Robb sat down to watch a movie and I got out my pint of ice cream feeling excited but knowing in the back of my mind that I shouldn't eat it all yet also knowing that I would because I wouldn't be able to stop with it. I just got my little spoon and got settled on the couch next to my hubby and as I looked down and went to dig in I stopped dead in my tracks. The entire pint was freezer burnt! There were little crystallized ice all over it. At first I thought it wasn't true so I still dug in and tried to see if it was just on top. OH NO! It was the ENTIRE thing! I literally laughed out loud at how funny God thought he was but then I thanked Him that he cares about me SO much and wants to see me succeed at this that he would do that! I know it was not just chance that I had got a freezer burnt one. I've bought those a million times and have never had a freezer burnt one in that brand before. It was God taking care of me! What an awesome God we have! :) I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again, and guess what? IT'S GOD!! :)

Jesus replied, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Luke 18:27

A Wake up Call!!

I started the online class on Thursday night and I am really excited about it! As I was watching it I was feeling like everything is SO obvious and it reminded me of all of the things that I learned in the first class I did a few years ago but have not been applying. It really helped me to realize that I do over analyze everything and really it's SO simple:

"If your stomach is not growling, YOU DON'T EAT!!" A true physiological stomach growl is the ONLY thing that can turn on your mouth on to eat! It's not rocket science! God designed us this way! This is how animals eat and even our children. Food is only supposed to be FUEL for our bodies. We are supposed to ONLY eat when we're hungry and STOP when we're "politely full". What we eat does not matter!!!

The typical weight loss program suggests loosing weight through diet and exercise. This way suggests that if you loose the passion for the food the result will be eating less and therefore loosing weight PERMANENTLY! God didn't put yummy food on this earth to torture us! It's my heart toward the food that needs to change and only when that happens will I ever be permanently thin! Eating between hunger and fullness and ONLY between hunger and fullness is the will of God! All overeating is GREEDY and greed is idolatry! I had a hard time truly believing this the first time around and instead bought into Satan's lies over the last few years and that is why I am still overweight! When I stop being greedy I will stop overeating.

For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. - Eph. 5:5

So here's what I'm working on to change my heart and weight right now:

1) Praying praying praying that God will rule over me and that I can learn to completely surrender to his will and not my own by trying to learn to let go of the control that I feel like I need to have over food and let go of the steering wheel.
3) I'm learning to anticipate attacks from Satan before they happen so I'm prepared and strong.
4) I'm cutting all my portions in half and using a smaller plate to put my food on in the first plate.
5) NO GROWL- NO EATING!!! That alone will cut out a lot of unnecessary snacking and calories.
6) OBEY IN FULL! God is going to rule over my body, mind and soul!

Overeating causes disease, shame, heart problems, diabetes and on and on and on...I have a lot I want to do in this lifetime and I need to be healthy to do it!

Needless to say I've been going about this entire thing all wrong which I already knew in the back of my mind. Maci is not the key to my weight loss. God is! That is why I am changing my entire blog from Maci to God. I need to give credit and focus where it's truly due and it is God that loves me and has always taken care of me, not a mannequin or any other material thing on this earth! God has always given me peace and freedom from whatever I've needed and now I need Him to free me from the bondage and slavery of overeating and I know if there's anything in this world I can count on- it's Him!!

Weigh Down Tonight

Okay, I am SO excited because I signed up for an online Weighdown workshop advanced class. That is the program I talked about a while ago that taught me how to start changing my attitude and relationship with eating all together and really made me change a lot of my previous bad habits. They now have a more advanced class that really goes deep into your heart and soul to continue to learn how to completely let go of any strongholds or idols that you still may be holding onto, whether it be overeating, smoking, drinking, etc. by learning to turn to God instead of strongholds. Anyway, the class starts tonight and it's an online 8 week course and I'm so excited to start it! I will be blogging and sharing about it as I go which I'm looking forward to as well. I feel like I'll be "killing two birds with one stone"; Loose weight and getting more spiritually in tune with God too! What better way to do it?! :)

"A safe stronghold our God is still, A trusty shield and weapon." -Martin Luther

Back in the Saddle Again!!

Okay, so it's been a few months, I'll admit. I had a lot going on in my life after the holidays ended and even thinking about loosing weight just was not a high priority on my list of things to do, although it of course was always weighing heavy (like me) on the back of my mind.

My plan was to get through the holidays and then really tackel my goals once and for all and start getting the weight off! Well what ended up happening instead was that January hit and me and my hubby decided we needed to get away to somewhere sunny so we left to sunny Cancun and were there for only two days when tradegy struck our family and we lost someone that we loved and was very dear to all of us. Let's just say, that put me just about out of commission of caring about anything else (especially my weight) for a while. Then right when I started to come out of that haze just a bit I then found out I was pregnant. I was super excited about that because we were hoping to get pregnant sometime this year. I just didn't think it was going to happen so soon. Once I found out I was pregnant I just figured that I would put Maci away along with my blog until I had the baby and was ready to get going on my weight loss journey again.

I miscarried just less then two weeks ago I am just starting to come to terms with that now and am once again looking at myself long and hard. I've decided that if I'm not going to be pregnant then I'm going to be getting in shape instead and making healthy choices so that when I do get pregnant again, I will be as healthy as possible. That takes me back to Maci and my blog so here I am back in the blogging world and pretty excited about it! Afterall, Spring is here which represents rebirth and renewal so what better time to get started again then now?!

I went down into my dirty basement last week and cleaned it all out, dusted off all of my workout equipment and cleaned off my white board so I can start fresh with writing down my goals again on it. I also got online and ordered a really cute outfit for Maci and I am moving her down in the basement where I will work out every day. I will be taking new pictures and posting them soon. I've talked to Jennie and we are going to do a Curves type workout because I have so much equipment. We figured we'll do 10 minutes at 6 stations and when we've got through them all we'll have worked out for an hour! I also want to do the 9 day Isagenix cleanse as well that I was planning on doing after the holidays. I just need to order a couple of things to start.

So, me and Maci are back and she's planning on getting me whipped into shape once and for all! Our boat is in the shop getting fixed and all of the warm, lazy days of summer will be here before we know it and I want to look my best and be ready to have the best summer of my life!! Any support/encouragement/suggestions will be much appreciated as I once again try to make it happen! Who's with me?!